


Diary of a nerd superstar

by 8emezzo



Series: Snaywood [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery (Video Game)
Genre: AU, Alternate Reality, Awkward Crush, Crack Fic, Crack Relationships, Cursed Vaults (Hogwarts Mystery), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Flirting, Forbidden Love, Herbology, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Introspection, M/M, Older Man/Younger Woman, Potions, Pro Snape, Quidditch, Romance, Severus Snape-centric, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Slice of Life, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slytherins Being Slytherins, Snape's assistant, Teacher-Student Relationship, Teen Crush, Wet Dream, alternative dimension, alternative universe, kinda of, sci fi (a little bit), shifting reality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:40:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 47,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27594938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8emezzo/pseuds/8emezzo
Summary: <<  "Because...", she continued, getting even closer.They were close, far too close.Penny blushed and said "I'd do anything", got up on tiptoe, blue eyes met brown eyes and immediately felt at home,"for you" and in a moment, she gave him a kiss on the lips. >>Penny has had a crush on Snape for years and one night, when some students played a joke on him, she couldn't keep it all inside and kisses him. Her feelings for him finally came out and how will the sullen potions' professor react?(Hey, people of Snapedom! Are you here? I created a discord server for chit chatting, making friendships ecc. < 3 Here's the link: https://discord.gg/wKQpYjqFBk  )
Relationships: Merula Snyde/Original Female Character(s), Penny Haywood/Severus Snape, Penny Haywood/Skye Parkin, Severus Snape/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Snaywood [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2195193
Comments: 22
Kudos: 64





	1. Penny's kiss

**Snape's tusks and Penny’s kiss**

  


  


Some students had written "Snape's tusks" instead of "Snake's tusks". Penny noticed this as she was looking for wolfsbane flowers to draw in her notebook, and she felt as if her chest was clutching. Maybe she was too sensitive, like every Hufflepuff after all, but reading it had hurt her.

  


Even though everyone thought she was a little crazy about it, she appreciated Snape, and the fact that others couldn't see his good qualities made her sad. He was an incredible teacher, always prepared and always knew how to answer Penny's passionate questions. What more could she ask?

  


She _adored_ her potions’ teacher. With all of herself.

  


Snape appreciated her too (in his own way, of course) and this filled her with pride. She loved to brag to Rowan and Jacob's sister, Coraline, that she could get Snape to talk about potions and ingredients for so long. How to perfectly press a snake tusk, how to use unicorn hair, whether it was better to crush or chop mauve. They would spend time in the Potions’ workshop like this for hours, or enjoy the pleasant silence together. He would correct the homework, Penny would write down the various ingredients in her notebook and study them by herself. Every now and then she would ask him a few questions, and he was diligent and thorough in answering them. Everything else, even the search for the Cursed Vaults, was boring compared to the afternoons with Snape. If it had been possible for her, she would have spent all her time with him.

  


But apparently, not everyone thought Snape was wonderful. On the contrary, the majority just couldn't stand him.

  
She was not blind and also saw the good reasons why people hated Snape: he yelled at those who disobeyed or went wrong in his subject and he easily targeted Gyffindors. It was not the best behaviour a teacher could have, she knew, but somehow she had managed to overcome the barrier of indifference and sarcasm in which he protected himself and had discovered a personality as passionate about potions as she was. And she had loved every part of it.

  


While she was almost jealous of her discovery, of the moments of camaraderie only between the two of them, she found it a pity that the others did not look at Snape from this perspective. They were so far away, so much so that they arrived at that gesture of bad taste. On another day, perhaps, she would have laughed about it too, but now she didn't and she didn't understand why. Too blinded by sadness and anger.

  
At first she didn't know whether to tell her or try to hide it all. That morning he had already endured Cora singing a stupid song, Snape had told her puffing, he had already reached the bottom of his tolerance.  
  


The lie, however, according to Penny would have been more rude than the truth and moreover, it already had two points against it. The first, that Snape might think she wrote those things. He knew her well enough to say she certainly didn't do it, but what if he didn't? What if he blamed her and was offended? Her heart wouldn't have taken the blow. The second point: those who did this deserve punishment. Not that she thought she was a vindictive girl, but it was trouble for those who treated her friends badly.  
  
Because yes, Snape was almost a friend to her now.  
  


She prepared herself to face him: now or never.

  


"S-sir?" she began trembling, her blue eyes never met his black ones.

"Yes, Miss Haywood?" The neutral, detached, polite tone. By now they had reached such a level of knowledge of each other that certain formalities could be left alone, but Snape remained rigid with regard to the rules.

  


Snape looked up from the essay he was correcting. Ironically, it was Penny's one. It wouldn't take long, he knew, it was annoyingly excellent as usual.

  


He was already preparing to answer that snake tusks deserve the utmost attention when they are beaten for the success of a potion, but the question she asked him instead made him frown: "Who ordered the ingredients last time?"

  


"I don't think that's any of your business, Haywood," he glanced at her. Scruffy as usual, but she didn't care. It was just the way he was, it wasn't his fault.

  


She breathed in to give herself courage and said in one breath "Actually, I belive i do", now she had all Snape's attention and not necessarily all of his appreciation. Penny had never never _**never**_ said anything bad to him. _That Jacob's sister must have been_ _a bad influence_ , he frowned.

  


Penny noticed her professor's disgruntled expression and continued, "Because I don't know how to tell you... well, what I have here in front of me.” She hugged herself in her long, yellow-rimmed tunic, trying to comfort herself as her teacher came to check what she was ranting about.

  


In a second, she found him on her side. Frightening how he was so tall that he made her feel small, really small. But he radiated a strange sense of security in which she loved to get lost. Snape would never hurt her - not physically, at least.

  


The idea of having him so close makes her giggle for a moment. Her friends were right: she was _unrecoverable_.

  


Now both of them were looking offended at that sign: "Snape's Tusks".

  


"Ah" was Snape's dry reaction, clearly annoyed.

  


"I'm sorry, Professor" she whispered, not hiding her sadness. "Do you have any idea who might have done this?"

  


The man looked at the inscription again, investigating. "Probably someone who came in when I wasn't in the classroom,"he speculated. "And judging by the sloppy, baboon-like handwriting, it could probably belong to one of the Weasley twins".

  


Penny sketched a smile at Snape's sarcasm, abandoning her extremely worried expression for a while. 

  


The man hadn't seen such blatant concern for a long time, which is why it was so strange to him. He remembered the last time it had happened, the last time someone was worried for him, and how bad it had gone. There he only had himself to blame, though. He should never have said _that word_.

  


"That's really cruel," commented Penny. She didn't know where that outrage came from, but it burned her chest and made her tremble with anger.

  


"I've suffered worse," Snape observed, almost indifferent, cold in tone.

  


Sometimes they would open up and talk about something other than the subject he taught. Penny was the one who opened up the most, Snape sometimes commented sarcastically and this always amused her. He didn't go much further than telling her simple things, such as whether he liked black tea, or when twere his birthday.

  


Oh, she still had to think about the greeting card and the gift!

  


For a moment this seemed like one of those times.

  


"With this, however, I do not deny the offensiveness of the gesture, so whoever did it will take 50 points away from his house and will have a month of punishment with me" he concluded.

  


"It seems more than fair," Penny reflected out loud, "but if there was anything else I could do...".

  


Snape arched an eyebrow, looked at her from his hooked nose and finally they looked at each other's faces. Her blue eyes reflected in the dark brown ones. She swallowed.

  


Penny hoped that the rumours that Snape was a legilimens were fake, because her first thought made her cheeks blush violently.

  


_He’s so… attractive_.

"What do you mean, Haywood?"

"I mean, if you ever want a hand... I mean, to punish the person in question, I..."

Snape looked at her badly, disapproving (not entirely) of her every word. "It is the task of every teacher to protect pupils who are bullied, not the other way around. What happens between me and the other students is not your problem, so I strongly advise against meddling. And duelling is also strictly forbidden in the walls of this school".

The fact that Snape could be a legilimens seemed much more concrete to her as she was thinking of a duel at the time.

"But-" she tried to fight back, but Snape's stern expression made her shut up immediately.

Penny cursed herself for what she had said.

"Don't you think you've made me put up with enough of your unruliness already, eh?" he asked her bitterly.

Once he asked why she was losing her house points, considering she was a very good student. Snape was implying the fact that she used her skills in potion for making counterfeit alcohol for seventh-year students. As a response, she just shook her head playfully, winked at him and said "A girl like me can't reveal her secrets".

Snape had ignored it, being among his favourites also had this privilege that, unfortunately, was not eternal.

That day she had also sat at his desk and if she had previously enjoyed the adrenaline that had given her that gesture, she was now swallowed up by guilt.

Too bold, too insolent.

"I'm sorry, sir", she apologized sincerely. Snape welcomed her apology in a calm manner and their discussion could end there, but Penny had more to say.

"It's just that," she began, and Snape looked at her crookedly. Penny knew that he hated it when her students tried to justify themselves, but she needed to say it. The words crawled down her throat and wanted to come out forcefully. "I admire you, you know?"

"I noticed". He tried to keep a distance that they both knew wouldn't last long.

Penny hinted at a smile and almost instinctively took Snape's hand, her thin fingers on his palm, as if to give him a comfort he didn't need.

But she did.

He did not drive her away, but the contact disappointed him. He was disappointed by himself, by the fact that he did not hate it, because it reminded him for once that he was not a monster, but a human being. Like all the others. It was rare for someone to touch him.

"You are a really good professor. And when you want to, a good person too."

Snape tilted his head. He would never have trusted himself so much.

"I wouldn't bet on that, Haywood."

Only Dumbledore trusted him so much, as long as he was spying Death eaters for him, but Penny's trust was completely different: it was stupidly innocent. No double entendre.

"I'd put my finger on it."

She reluctantly broke her contact with Snape, his hand away from her just like all those beautiful feelings he emanated.

But she stepped forward, coming closer to him, armed with a confidence that could have been mistaken for arrogance, but she didn't care.

Her only thought was to make him understand how much she adored him.

"However, I admire you and it hurts to see you treated this way. If I could help in any way, I would like to, because..."

He raised an eyebrow, intrigued. Who knows where she was going with it. He had absolutely no need for a little girl to take his side, but as if he were reliving an old scene from his life, he bit his tongue, trying not to repeat the same mistake.

"Because...", she continued, getting even closer.

They were close, far too close.

Penny blushed and said "I'd do anything", got up on tiptoe, blue eyes met brown eyes and immediately felt at home,"for you" and in a moment, she gave him a kiss on the lips.

Sweet, shy.

She hastily withdrew, lowering his gaze. Fear of Snape's reaction pierced her lungs.

Nevertheless, she did not regret it. It could have made Snape angry, but she liked the kiss and knew she was sincere in her feelings.

"Haywood" began him, incredibly stiff. Penny tried to look him in the eyes, but she couldn't. She looked at an undefined point behind him.

She tried to answer, but it seemed as if her breath was missing in her throat. She played with her long blonde locks.

"You'd better go back to your dormitory", he sent her away, looking at her severely. He chased her away as he did with every unknown sensation he felt.

Only at that moment she was afraid that her gesture had divided them forever. Her face was filled with shame and she opened her lips to speak, but no sound came out.

She understood that the only decent thing she could do was nod and leave his laboratory. Every step was agony: her heart beat noisily in his ribcage and hes eyes began to pinch. She wanted to cry.

In the short walk between the potions’ classroom and her dormitory, she greeted some people, gritting her teeth and pretending that everything was all right.

Only when she arrived in her dormitory, after lying on the bed, she let off steam and cried. She felt like a fool, she had definitely lost the status of Snape’s favorite.

She had lost Snape.

Every time she would have had Potions lessons, she would never have crossed his eyes again. If she ever did, she would have died inside. It was really too embarrassing.

Or at lunch or dinner, she was sure she would never touch food again. Not with Snape in the same room.

She only wanted to have one reason, an excuse, to go back to him and ask him to forget, to leave everything behind.

For hours and hours she kept crying and didn't care if the others could hear her.

Her pain was like a storm that came upon her calm sea and everyone had to be part of it.

It was when dinner time arrived that Penny, who felt like an empty, lifeless wreck, realised she had forgotten her notebook in Snape's laboratory.

She smiled through the tears: maybe it wasn't all lost.


	2. The letter

Chapter two: the letter

That evening Penny was determined and intent on writing a letter to her Potions teacher where she would apologise, in the most sincere and kind way she could use.

Her delicate, well-groomed hands held the goose feather, the tip of which was filled with ink. Every word, every single letter, filled with raw, naked honesty.

She was really trying hard. She was looking for the right words, every way to appear polite, formal, so that Snape could not find any flaws and could have no objection. This was because of her risky choice to apologise only for what she had done but not to regret what she felt. On the contrary, she wanted to make her feelings clear.

She had not kissed him to increase her average in potions (she was already good, she didn't need it), because she had lost a bet or for a cruel joke. No, she was terribly in love, and it was the time to face it.  
She had taken a step forward, trying to kiss him, but was slightly disappointed with the result. Not that she expected Snape to reciprocate passionately (even though she had dreamt about it. Even several times.), but she wanted him to at least stop and talk to her about it. Even only to reject her in a bad way.

But he had only sent her away - which could already be an answer. He had told her everything, he hadn't told her anything.

She sighed, her muscles were still tight and her chest tightened just thinking that she might have ruined everything. That's why she needed to write that letter. She would give it to him when she went to get her notebook back. He would read it and everything would be fine. At least, she hoped it would.  
She was so focused on the letter that she jumped when she heard "Penny, there you are!".  
He turned around and met Cora, in her uniform with her emerald tie. The girl smiled softly at her, her hazel eyes lit up. "This must be your little notebook, I think. Snape told me to take it back to you". Penny couldn't manage to seem happy to see it again. "Actually, Snape swooped into the common room and said, "Sanders, give it back to Haywood!"", Cora imitated his tone of voice, then continued, "then he threw it at me and here I am, giving it back to you.”

Penny gave her a dry and disappointed answer: "Oh".

The slytherin girl looked worried at her friend. Too many emotions for one of her house. Slytherins should always be cold and not get carried away by feelings, but Penny was a sincere friend and seeing her so down on herself made her feel bad. "What's going on, Penny?"

"It's just that this has ruined my plans," she murmured resigned. What could she do now?  
"What plans?"

"I had to give him my letter of apology when I got my notebook back".

Cora raised an eyebrow, confused: "Letter of apology? For what?"

"I don't know if I should tell you, Cora. It's a personal thing, and I wouldn't it to become a rumor".

The Slytherin girl looked around, hoping not to be heard, when she whispered to her: "Have you started going badly in his subject?".

Penny denied it, unable to hold back a smile. "It's...", she began, the smile disappeared, "It's much more complicated than this."

"Then explain it!" she smiled at her, radiantly. "You'll see that talking about it will help you vent and find a solution."

Penny breathed in, feeling slightly nervous about what she was about to say: "I have-", she froze, "you'll keep it secret, won’t you?".

"Obviously". Cora smiled sincerely at her and the hufflepuff felt more relieved.

Then Penny started talking, ready to confess: "I...kissed Snape".

"W-what?"

"It was just one kiss, it didn't even last a second." The girl was disappointed when she said it; surely she would have preferred something else to have happened.

"What about him? How did he...?" The words stuck in Cora Sanders' throat. She couldn't give in fully to what her friend was telling her: it all seemed so surreal.

"How did he react?" Penny ended it for her. "He sent me away, without telling me anything more."

"Oh," Cora commented laconically, but she felt she had said too little. "It's just, when you told it, I thought it was a stupid crush you have on your mentor. I didn't think it would go this far…"

"Me neither!" protested Penny, raising her voice too loudly. Some turned around to look at her, but within seconds they were back to their business. "But I felt so sorry for him! I wanted to cheer him up, make him feel that not everyone in this school hates him anyway and I did what I did.”

"Well, it could have been worse for Snape. You could have tried to kill him," she joked and Penny giggled.

"But now I have the problem with the letter..." the blonde girl remembered. More to herself than to Cora.

"I could help you out, but I don't know how. Snape is my head of the house, but there's bad blood between him and me.”

"And I think it's the same for me right now." Penny's tone of voice was depressed. Her mood upset.

It was at that moment that Cora decided she would do anything to make them reconcile. "No, don't say that, we'll find a way. We have to."

Penny looked at her surprised. "I thought you couldn't stand Snape."

"In fatc, i hate him. Except when he gives our house points!"

"Is that really so biased?"

"He once gave Barnaby five points for saying a word with a correct diction. Come on, there's no such word as "diction"!" commented Cora.

Penny shook her head at her friend's ignorant assertion, but she didn't comment and asked, "Then why help me?"  
"Because even though Snape is a bastard bat, he's still somehow your friend. More importantly, he makes you happy. That's why I'll help you make peace."  
Penny smiled at her, full of gratitude.

///  
"So, if both you and I are off the list, who will deliver the letter?"

Penny put her hand on her chin, thoughtful. "Surely it must be someone he appreciates. You have to put him in a good mood, so when he reads my letter he won't be influenced by external factors," she formulated, pragmatically.

"But with you off the list, I find it difficult to think of another Snape’s favorite student," Cora remarked, concerned.

They both thought about it, until their faces lit up on discovery. Cora’s, at least.

They looked at each other, as accomplices.

The name that crawled on their mouths froze Penny: "Merula". 

"Yes, she is very appreciated by Snape," admitted Penny, but she still had some doubts. "I'm not sure, anyway, she and I don't get along very well."

"True," Cora’s expression was slightly disappointed. Even though she and Merula had got together, her character had always remained the same. Surly and snooty.  
"You know, though, since I got involved with her," she remarked, "I don't understand whether Snape despises me a little less or has begun to appreciate Merula less."

Seeing that Penny did not answer, surely lost in her thoughts about Snape, Cora continued, "Can I ask her to give him the letter?

"What if she reads it? Or tell everyone about it?"

" She won't", Cora reassured her. "And if she ever intends to do so, she must first pass over my dead body."

"Thank you very much, Cora." Penny smiled warmly at her and her friend replied.

\\\\\

Penny and Cora chatted friendly when Snape entered in the Great Hall. Not that there was anything strange about it, he was often late in the evening, but this was enough to keep Penny quiet.

She started staring at him intensely, she couldn't take her eyes off him, and she felt sick as he ignored her.

"He won't look at me," Penny thought sadly, out loud. Even Cora turned to look at him and, as if called by the two of them, he turned around.

Snape's dark eyes finally looked at the young hufflepuff and she felt almost sinking: how could those eyes be so lethal? She would never have thought it.  
She held his breath, almost suffocated, until she realized that she was not the one he was looking at.  
His stern gaze was not attacking her, but the only Slytherin in the Hufflepuffs’ table. The only emerald in that golden expanse.

"She's looking at you," she said, a hint of acidity in her voice that she didn't like. Since when did she behave like that?

"Oh, I'm not at my table. I have to leave. Tell me when you've finished the letter, so i will give it Merula!" Cora got up, settled her uniform, and as she was leaving she mumbled. "Come on, he can't give me detention this time too! He asked me to…"

Penny greeted her and continued with the composition of her letter.

///

That evening, in the Slytherin women's dormitory, Cora and Merula were snuggled up in the same bed. They were far from other students, of course. Merula hated being emotional around people.   
She hated being emotional in general, actually.

"Merula?" Cora slowly asked, her voice kneaded from sleep.

The girl, who was playing with her blue hair, replied: "What is it, Sanders?"  
Cora almost smiled. Who would have thought that her surname would become her petname?

"There's... there's this friend of mine who needs a favour from you".

Merula grumbled. "Hmm, I'm not interested."

"But at least listen! You don't have to do much, then."

"So what should I do?"

"Just deliver a letter."

"Then why don't they do it themself?"

"She has to deliver a letter. To Snape." she pointed out.

"Oh," was Merula's short reply. Now everything was clearer. "And who is this friend?”

"Penny", Cora murmured distractedly.

Merula gouged out her eyes, incredulous. "In what sense?"

"In the sense that you must deliver a letter on behalf of Penny," yawned the blue-haired girl, snuggling closer to her fiancée.

Merula stroked her hip. "I got that, silly."

"Then I have nothing more to say to you. Good night, darling." Cora kissed her cheek and Merula pretended to be annoyed.

///

For this lazy and unclear exchange of information, the next morning Penny surprisingly found Merula sitting next to her and saying: "A little bird told me that I have to deliver a letter to Professor Snape on your behalf".

"Uh, have you started talking to Talbott?"

"What?"

"Nevermind" Penny let it go. "Anyway, yeah. It would be really nice if you did me this favor”.

"Why would I do that?" Merula sneered. "It's not like I'm somebody's owl" She pointed.

Penny was really short on words. They were not so friendly, not so intimate, she could never have told her a valid reason (for Merula) to help her.

"Unless I know the reasons why this letter was written".

She had no options, except the truth, the intersting secret Merula wanted to get her hands on, of course.

"Why do you care so much, Merula?"

"Snape's favourite student now is even afraid to talk to him? Something big must have happened."  
Penny felt visibly uncomfortable. She trembled, her stomach twitched. She regretted asking for hes help.

She wanted someone to save her, a sign from above.

But nothing happened, so she just sighed. "It's complicated.”

"How much complicated?" the brunette smiled but that expression was definitely different from Cora’s warm and friendly one.

Merula was tormenting her and Penny ardently wanted her to stop. She was about to yell at her or chase her away when a dark, bat-like shadow landed on them.

It was Snape.

"Miss Snyde", he began and the atmosphere seemed to freeze. Merula was silent and motionless, while Penny had lowered her gaze, staring at her tea. "I am sorry to interrupt your pleasant chat with Miss Haywood," Penny's heart missed a beat, "but I wanted to remind you that your punishment will be in half an hour.” The blonde smiled at the dripping tone of Snape's sarcasm. He, willingly or not, had saved her from Merula and was grateful to him. The potion master, meanwhile, stared severely at the brunette. "Don’t. Be. Late.”

And he left, silent just as he had approached.

"Then I'm not the only one who did a disaster with Snape," Penny smiled.

Merula rolled her eyes. "Not that it's so bad that I'm afraid to talk to him.”

"True," agreed Penny, "but maybe hearing you talk about it will put me in a good mood and I could tell you about my problem. What do you say?"

\\\\\

"And so you had sex with him?" Merula finally asked.

Penny blushed violently. "No! I-I only kissed him!”

"I thought "I kissed him" was a way of hiding the fact that you did another thing."

Penny timidly denied it. She had thought about it a few times, before she went to sleep, imaginating Snape kissing her and then…

"Anyway", she was awakened from her thoughts by Merula who put her feets on the table, "I don't see why you have to apologize.”

Penny looked at her almost bewildered. "He chased me away…"

"This is not totally a rejection. I think that -"

"Merula, I believe t-…"

"No, listen to me! Let me finish!", snarled the brunette, strutting her head. "I was saying, I think you should... play with him."

Penny felt the redness burn her cheeks, her neck, and even the tips of her ears. "W-what?"

"I don't know, try using your mind if you can. You can shorten the skirt, or maybe give him a little flirty smile. Highlight the right stitches. I don't know what do men like."

The blonde seemed to think about it. "Are you serious?"

Merula looked up to the sky. "Pretend I never said it, but you're attractive. You'll find a way."

Penny's blush increased.

"Besides, think of the advantages. You'd always have high grades with him," Merula plotted. "Maybe you'd be considered the best student in potions, too.”

Penny giggled. "And you'd give this title to me?"

"Yes, because I'd know it's not just your poor potion skills." Merula shrugged and was Penny’s turn to roll eyes .

"Wouldn't you tell people that, then? That my success at school is really due to my ability to do...something else?"

"Who knows," the brunette sneered at Penny's worried expression, "but I'm too good. You couldn't even outdo me then."

"I could... I could think about it, actually."

And they both went back to minding their own business happily: Merula no longer had to do a task for Cora’s friend and Penny was becoming more aware of her situation.

///

Penny, although she had some doubts, didn't dislike the idea of Merula. She would certainly have kept her letter; it could all go wrong and she would have to apologise. But if it hadn't gone that way, if everything had gone right, Penny would really have had a chance with Snape and she didn't mind the idea at all.

In her dormitory, she looked in the mirror.

She did not find herself extremely attractive, but what Merula had told her had raised her self-esteem a little. Hell, Merula had said that! Merula! It must have really meant something! She never complimented people – except Cora, of course.

Remenbering what Merula said, Penny decided to take her advice and tried to shorten her skirt. She took the elastic part and bent it over itself until it was short enough to satisfy her. She preferred to start with small steps, didn't want to be cheeky and run too fast (even though she had already kissed his), hoping that her plan of conquest would work. She had to be patient, go slowly. She was afraid to scare him and give him the same reaction as the day before in the Laboratory.

She also unbinded her hair, which, thanks to the braids, became wavy and fell gently down her shoulders. She put two locks behind her ears so her face would stand out.

She smiled satisfied with her reflection. She saw herself as pretty, a new self-esteem and awareness made its way inside her.

///

On her way to herbology class, she hoped that Professor Sprout wouldn't consider the way she had shortened her skirt and sent her to the dormitory to changing. She bit her lips, slightly anxious.

Walking, she met Professor Severus Snape. Her anxiety grew incessantly, her throat tightened and her stomach turned. She was also extremely embarrassed about what had happened the day before. She felt all her new confidence wane in a second.

He stopped, the scrolls in his hand (probably Merula's homework for her detention), as if he were about to talk to her. He never did and this increased Penny's nervousness and she bit her lips again. She stopped when she noticed they were hurting and looked up. 

She noticed that Snape's glance was fixed on her clothes, and for a moment Penny thought he was about to send her to change. Surprisingly, he didn't say anything.

Penny decided to take courage and said something to him. "Good morning, sir!" she smiled shyly.

" ‘morning, Haywood," he replied and looked away from her. He walked straight ahead, not giving her any more attention.

Penny walked back to the greenhouse of Herbology, continuing to think how surreal their encounter had been.


	3. Lucid dream

When she arrived at Herbology class she had to keep herself from emitting an excited very acute scream. Merula's plan, she realized, had worked. Snape had looked at her. Curious by her little change? Had he again ignored her violation of school regulations because she was his favourite?

Both answers were positive for Penny, who smiled radiantly.

Tonks, who was next to her in the herbology room, giggled and asked, "Why so cheerful, Penny?".

The girl blushed. Oh, she couldn't tell everyone the real reason for her joy.

"It's... I feel like it...", she began, but the pink-haired girl interrupted her. "Have you heard about the new joke that I, the Weasley twins and Tulip want to play on the teachers?"

Penny smiled but denied.

"Why not?" Tonks seemed almost outraged, but then giggled. "Would you care to join us?"

"Uh, sounds interesting. What's all this about?"

They spent the hour talking about the joke, every last detail, what they could have added and what they could have omitted. Penny was happy that for once she could keep her secret, well, a secret.

///

After Herbology, she had the Potions study session with Slytherins.  
As she descended into the dungeons, she met Cora and Merula, also on their way to Snape's laboratory. Behind them there was a Barnaby Lee happy to try again to do better The Draught of Living Death.

She greeted them and decided to thank Merula.

"For what, Haywood?" she crossed her arms, annoyed.

"For your advice. It worked great!" Penny hadn't felt so happy, she was walking on clouds.

"What did you tell her?" asked Cora, confused.

"Oh, just to hit on Professor Snape!" she replied too loudly, and the others immediately signalled to her to lower her voice.

"To hit oh him? How?! What?!"

"Nothing explicit, Sanders. Calm down."

"Yeah. I just tried to shorten my skirt today."

Cora, who everyone expected to react outraged, giggled. "And it really worked?" she smiled, surprised.

"Oh yes," Penny said cheerfully, "not that his reaction was excessive," everyone nodded. They knew perfectly well how emotionally constipated their potion teacher was. "But he reacted. Perhaps, in small steps, I'll get to my goal".

Cora hoped that things would not go too far between Penny and Snape.

"I am very confused", Barnaby intervened. Cora put her arm behind his shoulders and trying to reassure him she said: "You'll soon understand it too, don't worry".

///

They had all been so caught up in their chat that they arrived late to the Potions Laboratory. They rushed in, apologised to the professor and sat in the only free seats.

"Sanders, don't think I didn't see you arrive late!" Snape barked, ignoring Merula, Barnaby and Penny who had arrived at the same time as Cora.

Penny opened the book of Potions, looked at the blackboard and saw things she knew perfectly. She yawned, bored.

She put her hand on her chin, hoping that Snape's explanation would not last too long. She let her eyes rest for a moment.

When she reopened them, she was surprised to find herself in the common room of Slytherin. Or what it should have been. The walls had green Renaissance refreshments, paintings of men and women, old wizards and witches certainly not loved in those times dominated by Muggles.

From a fireplace bursting flames came out, which warmed the place. There was a need for them, since the common room was located in the basement and the cold colours all around her did not help with the heat.

Penny stretched herself from a sofa, wrinkling her eyes. She must have slept for a long time, maybe too long. In fact, she was still feeling terribly tired.

She looked around again and finally a question arose: what the hell was she doing there?  
She got up in a flash, as if invaded by a new energy, agitated about whatever had happened.

Cora came to her rescue and smiled amicably at her. Nothing serious had happened, she hoped and sighed relieved.

"So how is the best Slytherin of the year?" Cora urged her.

Penny rolled her eyes, not realising what was happening. "W-what?"

She took a better look at her uniform, her yellow and black tie had turned emerald and silver. How could this happen? She was a hufflepuff!

"What, you don't know?" Cora sat on the sofa where Penny was lying, and so did the former hufflepuff.  
The blonde denied it with her head.

No, something else was wrong. She took a closer look at her hair: it had become platinum blonde. What was going on in her? Why was everything so strange?

She felt uncomfortable, in what seemed like a parallel reality.

"You're first in the student rankings!" Cora cheerfully told her.  
This was definitely the strangest thing of all.  
Penny was usually at the bottom of the ranking, because of her actions almost to the limit of legality and certainly against the school regulations.

"Aren't you happy?"  
Penny did not answer, still looking around.

She didn't like that dry, dull plant by the window. She wanted it to be healthy again and, as if by magic, its leaves turned a bright, vivid, shiny green again.

Penny was surprised by this.

How was this possible? Could it be that ... she had some strange new power?

No, it was impossible, she said.

She probably thought about it a bit, it was a lucid dream. Everything made more sense this way.

Cora said to her after a while: "Our headhouse wants to see you".

In a second she found herself in Snape's office. It was elegant, almost baroque style. Of course everything was in black, except the dark green velvet armchairs and on the walls there were pictures with creepy images and shelves with potions or ingredients of various kinds.  
She had only seen his office once, she didn't have much to imaginate.

In front of her, a dark shadow fell: Snape. 

Penny found him extremely fascinating, as always; so dark, so mysterious. He had a semblance of unreachability that attracted her like a bee attracted by flowers.

"Haywood," he said, and it seemed to her that her knees could melt at that instant.

She bit her lip, thoughtful. It was a lucid dream, wasn't it? She could take advantage of it.

She stretched her arms around his neck, sighing.

Was it really a sin to want her teacher so bad?

She approached his face, she thought she could smell bergamot bullying in her nostrils. It relaxed her so much, and seeing his face, not canonically beautiful but which she found attractive, made her want to kiss him. At first it was a chaste kiss, like the one she had given him in real life, her lips pressing gently against his ones. But soon their lips intertwined, he, who must surely have been the most experienced, took the initiative. A warmth rose from a point from which Penny had never felt before and settled on her face and neck, turning her milky complexion scarlet. She liked that feeling, his lips sucked gently on hers. Soon, but reluctantly, he stopped.

Penny squealed unhappily.

"Oh Haywood" she imagined hearing him whisper, with his deep voice. How good would it have been if this had happened in real life?

He kissed her neck, hir lips sending a jolt of pleasure down her dorsal plane.

She murmured satisfied, ajared her eyes to enjoy every moment.

Her voice strangled in her throat and a choked cry came out, when she felt a hand resting on her thigh.

"Did you think I hadn't noticed?" he asked, referring to the fact that Penny had shortened her skirt just for him.

The young hufflepuff started kissing Snape's lips passionately again, as his hand caressed her leg and moved closer and closer to the inside of her thigh.

"You are so beautiful".

He was close to touching something else too, when she felt something push her back, and wondered why. She closed her eyes, annoyed, and when she opened them again, in front of her was not Snape's face, but the pages of a book.

"Oh you're awake!" Liz said to her, taking her hands off Penny.

Penny tried to pull herself together, straightening her back. She hoped she had just fallen asleep and gone unnoticed. 

She didn't, because all eyes were on her.

"Snape noticed you were asleep", Skye whispered to her.

"Miss Haywood" the mention of her surname made her shiver with fright, "could you repeat what I have just explained?" Snape's cold, atonic voice reached her on the other side of the room. Penny had sat at the back, because she had found no other place. If it were up to her, she would have gone to the front row, as always. But she had arrived late, and this would not have helped her much in her relationship with him.

She stood on her back, coughing and trying to remember what Snape had said.

"You are so beautiful", it occurred to her, but that was certainly not what he had just explained.

She couldn't remember anything, of course. She had slept the whole time. The theme of the lesson wasn't exactly stimulating (she already knew the Draught of Living Death) and Snape's deep, relaxing voice didn't help.

She tried to sketch something. Surely he would talk about the topic of the day. "The Draught of Living Death aims to give a very deep sleep to the one who drinks it. Its ingredients are mugwort infusion and asphodels".  
"Very well, Haywood," he dismissed her and Penny sighed with relief. "Too bad that's not what I explained. In fact, I spent fifteen minutes explaining to Mr. Lee why drinking booger potions was not a good idea.” He said, clearly annoyed by Lee.

Her eyes opened wide for the shoock, but she said nothing. Her throat had become extremely dry.  
"When the hour is up, we need to talk, Haywood."


	4. Joke's on me

When her Potions class ended, Penny stayed inside to talk to Snape. It had never happened or, at least, it had never happened that she had to stay extra time for what seemed like punishment. Most of the time she stayed in out of curiosity and to ask him about the potion he had taught that day, or simply to ask him how it was going. He obviously seemed annoyed by her presence, but Penny's cheerfulness was contagious and, really, who could not love her?

  
Snape grunted annoyed but answered Penny's questions. Sometimes the answer came entirely from him, in other times he would give her books from where she could study. Then she would find herself in the laboratory for hours reading, lulled by the sense of security that the various ampoules filled with coloured liquids and sometimes also by the presence of Snape - if he hadn't already got bored and left.

  
That time, however, was different. Penny felt a sense of agitation running down her spine and started biting her lips again, anxious. Blood came out, she didn't care.

  
Her eyes were straight on Snape's back, his hands resting on the table, and Penny swore she heard him huffing.

  
The man then turned dramatically.

  
His Drama Queen side always made her laugh, she remembered saying this during the presentation for the teachers' celebration.

  
But, that time, Penny knew she had nothing to laugh about.

  
"You fell asleep in my class, during lesson," Snape approached her like a shark rushing at his prey. He had smelled blood, seen the open wound and understood where to aim to kill. "Maybe my lesson was too easy for a _great potionist_ like you?" Snape's tone was decidedly harsh and Penny didn't like it - especially because he was so damn right.

  
She felt superior in potions to most of her classmates, she was aware of her ability, but this did not make her boast in front of everyone as Merula did.

  
The problem, however, was not having been arrogant with Skye or others, but having been arrogant with Snape. The man felt a deep repulsion towards those who showed so much self-confidence.

  
And he was extremely angry.

  
"I'm sorry, sir," Penny couldn't even look him in the eyes when she apologised. "It won't happen again."

  
"It'll be better for you," his gaze was so sharp that he could've split the hufflepuff in two halves. "Now get out of my sight." He sat down on his desk and took some scrolls, they were definitely papers to be corrected.

  
The girl was about to leave when she stopped. The man had not punished her and, deep down, she knew she deserved at least an hour's detention. She finally felt her favouritism weigh heavily on her.

  
She had to do something.

  
Inaled, determined to face him.

  
Her professor wanted to ignore the whole kissing thing, but she needed to talk about it.

  
Seeing that Penny wouldn't leave, Snape raised an eyebrow and asked: "What is it, Haywood?"

  
"I think," she said, turning around, "that we have something else to talk about.”

  
The feather he wanted to use to correct the homework was suspended in the air for a moment, then he put it back in place.

  
He puffed, as if weighed down by the subject matter.

  
"I don't think there is much to say. For my part, at least." he remained detached, the anger still to be disposed of and which he would have vented by giving insufficient to all the Gryffindors. "You unfortunately have something to add, I see."

  
"Yes, well, you deserve some explanations, sir," began Penny. She shook her fingers and began to move them, very nervous. "You know, last night, when I saw what they'd done to you, I felt pity for you and-"

  
"Did you _pity_ me, Haywood?" he interrupted her, angry; her gaze tormented her.

  
Penny immediately regretted her choice of words.

  
"N-no, yes, but it's more complicated than that!" she tried to explain better, stumbling with words.

  
"Do you really think I need the compassion of the _great_ Penny Haywood?", the dripping sarcasm in his words. They hurt, very badly.

  
"No, sir." She swallowed, looking down again.

  
There was a brief tense silence between them.

  
"Now go away, I need neither your boorish mercy nor to become the new toy of a spoiled little girl".

  
Penny in that instant felt something destroy itself inside her. And without that thing, she was lost and disoriented. She gained strength, held back her tears.

  
He hadn't told her that.

  
He couldn't have just done that.

  
She refused to accept reality.

  


"You", she began, and for a moment had the courage to look him in the face. His features, defined by the lights and shadows created by the few candles, sculpted his face. Penny still found him handsome and hated herself for it. "You don't really mean that. You're just angry, \- held back a hiccup - so I'll pretend I didn't hear that."

  


He watched her come out, but said nothing.

  


  


\\\\\

  


  


The tumult of emotions she felt haunted her mind. She knew that after that meeting nothing would be the same as before, her eyes itched and her stomach hurt because of it.

  


She was angry, because Snape had not listened to her and had not fully understood her reasons. She was sad and agitated, because all their friendship - if it had ever been a bilateral relationship - had been shattered.

  


She felt herself dying inside, her breathing became exhausting and fatiguing. Let tears slip as she collapsed against the wall near the door of the Great Hall.

  


Obviously some people looked at her worried, and the situation got even worse, because she was _the sunshine_ , the one who was always supposed to bring joy. But at that moment she was out of her role and felt guilty.

  


"Penny!" was Tulip's voice that called her. “What’s going on?” The girl did not turn around, she felt helpless, unable to move.

  


"Penny, calm down!" the red-haired girl took her hands. "Please breathe with me."

  


Tulip breathed in and out, inviting Penny to do the same. The girl tried. At first she was sobbing several times, then her breathing became almost regular.

Tulip knew that she had a case of anxiety attack in front of her, so she knew what she would have to do next: distract Penny while she took her to Madame Pomfrey's for extra examination.

  


He told her about the Weasley brothers' pranks, taking her gently by the arm and accompanying her to the Infirmary.

  


  


///

  


  


"Would you like to talk about it?" Tulip asked at her bedside.

  


Madame Pomfrey had made her lie down to relax, then covered her with a cover. Penny murmured a “thank you”, sketching a smile but with her eyes terribly dull.

  


Penny pulled up her nose, still sobbing a little. "I can't, I'm sorry. It's too private" she looked at her and felt terribly guilty because she knew perfectly well that this was only making Tulip worry even more. "And it's complicated, very complicated."

  


The ravenclaw girl sighed sadly and asked her: "Is there anything else I can do then?"

  


Penny shook her head, denying. A sad grimace on her face. "You've done enough already, and I thank you very much for it. Another sketchy smile, another dull look.

  


Tulip had realised that Penny was, in a way, as if she had not been there. Trapped in a memory that hurt her too much.

  


It was like when her best friend, Scarlett, died, like when her sister Beatrice was trapped in the painting, just like when Rowan died.

  


Penny had lost another piece of herself. But the ravenclaw girl couldn't understand what this could be connected to.

  


"Miss Karasu, if you really want to help your friend, you could let her rest." Madame Pomfrey intervened.

  


Tulip reluctantly did as she was told, greeted Penny and wished her well.

  


When the nurse left to go and fix some medicine, Penny thought she was alone and thought aloud. "I've ruined everything...", she silenced herself to her own words and found herself hiding under the covers. As if to protect herself, she covered herself to hide the shame that was gripping her. "Now he hates me and will never speak to me again…"

  


"Lovesick, mh?" the woman asked her, approaching her and rubbing her shoulder with reassurance.

  


Penny also felt too tired to be surprised.

  


A last silent tear slipped over her face and this was enough as a response.

  


Penny was devastated.

The only thing that could have made her feel better was to find herself in dark and rough eyes, rusty with resentment, but for Penny they were the best in the world.

  


Madame Pomfrey could not have offered her such help, she could not even imagine what Penny needed. The woman limited herself to a sweet "It will pass, you'll see".

  


Penny was now too old and knew that was a lie.

  


Even when Cora found out about the matter and hugged her tightly, insulting Snape, Penny was relieved of her good intentions but she knew that even that attempt at consolation would not help her.

  


\\\\\

  


Inspired by a Muggle TV series she had seen, Cora had proposed the joke of putting everyone without their clothes in the hallway where no one would go in anymore - except her when she was looking for food for the magical beasts - and going out all together to scandalize the teachers and running free all over the school.

  


Penny accepted without hesitation - she had a serious need to distract herself, even the stupidest joke was fine - and everyone else, surprisingly, found it a good idea too. "It would drive everyone crazy, I like it!" commented Tonks. Even Merula said: "Not bad Sanders, not bad."

  


So here they were all piled up like sardines and without clothes. It was embarrassing for Penny, she tried to look people in the eye all the time and never down. She even ignored Skye, her former celebrity crush. She had no other way to call her.

She was as unreachable as Snape. Maybe he too could be called a celebrity crush now.

  


The voices of her companions, though whispering, were loud enough to allow her to distract herself.

He heard Andre whisper: "At least now I can say that everyone is well-dressed - oh no, Merula's leopard-skinned underwear is unobtrusive!” Obviously, this was followed by Merula insulting him.

  


Once she even felt something touch her back and shouted "Hey!", annoyed.

  


"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to!" answered Talbott.

  


Penny was surprised but happy too. "What are you doing here? I thought you hated being in group."

  


"True," he granted her, "but I hated to see Cora sulking.”

  


"Do you still have a crush on her?"

  


"No!" he denied it too quickly. "It's...complicated."

  


They were then distracted by Tulip, who began to count backwards, and Penny's legs trembled with adrenaline.

  


"Five!"

  


The redness on Penny's cheeks was evident, and being in there all crowded together made her warm.

  


"Four!"

  


Penny began to think of Snape, how he would react to the joke. He'd probably be disappointed by her again.

  


"Three!"

  


But the young hufflepuff couldn't go back. She sighed, regretting her choice.

  


"Two!"

  


Penny felt suffocated and needed air.

  


"One!"

  


She closed her eyes, preparing to go out.

She didn't even realize that the countdown wasn't over, but she went out into the hallway and discovered that it was terribly cold out there. Instinctively decided to cover herself with both arms as much of her body as she could.

  


She reopened her eyes and found herself alone in the corridor without clothes.

  


She blushed terribly, red-hot with embarrassment and shame.

  


But the worst was right in front of her. In fact, there was Professor Snape, together with Professor McGonagall, who looked at her in dismay.

  


A little further on, there was Beatrice and those who were supposed to be her friends, who laughed at her.

"Penny Haywood, for Merlin's sake, what are you doing?" began the transfiguration professor, evidently outraged by her student's behaviour. Nevertheless, she managed to maintain a certain composure.

  


The same could not be said of Snape, who, if at first he seemed to be short of words, then he yelled at her: "What's the matter with you, Haywood?!”

  


Penny tried to mumble a few words, but said nothing concrete. "Well... I... we…"

  


Suddenly, as divine grace to give her strength, Skye came out of the door of the corridor.

  


"Uh...", she began, not knowing exactly what to say to the people outside. She had been involuntarily pushed out of the group of people. "...Hey...!", she protested against the people still inside.

  


Snape raised an eyebrow, McGonagall had an expression of disappointment.

  


"I see you were in good company, Haywood", made the potion teacher contemptuous, who did not know why he felt an ounce of betrayal inside him.

  


He had been put aside very quickly, he hypothesized from the scenario in front of him that suggested a different situation from reality.

  


Penny and Skye were surprised for a moment that neither of them had taken points away yet.

  


"Get dressed and then go straight to Professor Dumbledore's office, where we'll see what to do with you.”

  


  


Fortunately, Beatrice and a Gryffindor girl took pity on them and lent her their capes. Their walk of shame was one of the experiences Penny never wanted to repeat in her life.

  


  


\\\\\

  


  


Outside Dumbledore's office, Penny and Skye were evidently agitated.

  


"What am I going to do now?", Skye started spinning around, "Snape's going to expel me for sure! There, you see, it's all your fault!"

  


"Mine?!" Penny was annoyed, "I didn't push you out!"

  


"Yes, but if you hadn't come out early, they'd never have known about the joke."

  


Penny froze. "Do they know it's a joke?"

  


Skye nodded, "I had to tell them when they questioned me."

  


Yeah, she got there before Penny, right. The blond-haired girl had stayed minutes in her dorm, sitting on the bed, not finding the courage to go to the headmaster and face the whole situation she had gotten herself into - and Snape too, actually.

  


The hufflepuff let go of her anger. "And how did it go?"

Skye looked at her crookedly. "Snape has yet to decide my punishment. I'm waiting for him here." The slytherin remembered her professor's strange reinsured face when she found out that it was just a joke. What the hell was he thinking about before discovering that?

  


Penny did not answer at first, not finding the right words to say. On another day, she would have said that Snape cared about his students, and that therefore he would never give too much punishment. After their last meeting, however, Penny seemed to doubt it. A part of her, at least.

The other was still eternally trusting in him.

  


"You're the best at quidditch, nothing bad will happen to you."

  


Skye also seemed to put her anger aside.

"Now go inside, Penny. They're waiting for you.", she warned her. "And don't mention names of other people who did the joke. _All of us did it_."

  


  


///

  


  


Upon entering Dumbledore's office, the first person hse met was her potions teacher. Rigid in posture, hands closed in front, a stern gaze.

  


The air between Penny and Snape was really tense. Penny had an uproar in her stomach and no desire to talk. Snape, on the other hand, occasionally opened his mouth, but then he always closed it, also overwhelmed by the grip of shame. Not that it was evident from the outside, the man remained impassive.

  


He beckoned her to follow him, and so she did until they arrived in front of Dumbledore's desk. Penny stopped in front of it, while Snape stood behind it. On his opposite side, there were Professor McGonagall.

  


Penny felt intimidated in the presence of these three wizards. They were the most powerful in all of Hogwarts after all.

  


"Good morning, Miss Haywood", the headmaster greeted her, in his eyes the candid promise of reassurance. Penny already felt more relaxed, the tension would have vanished completely if Snape hadn't been in the same room.

  


If Dumbledore seemed calm and McGonagall looked at her almost like an angry mother because her daughter had made a mess, Snape had so much of a mixture of emotions tormenting him - Penny knew it - but he remained impassive and severe.

  


Penny couldn't understand what he thought of her, of the whole situation, and this worried her the most.

  


"Good morning, sir," she greeted Dumbledore shyly, never being able to look him in the eye.

  


"Apparently, you are here because you and Miss Parkin participated in one of the pranks planned by others in the seventh year to say goodbye to your classmates and faculty. Although I appreciate your playful way of doing it, it would be better if you stick to less...unseemly jokes," Dumbledore said thoughtfully.

  


"I am so sorry, sir".

  


"Don't worry too much, Miss Haywood, this is your first serious infraction. Nothing serious will happen," he explained calmly.

  


"Actually, \- intervened Snape, harshly - it wouldn't be the first time".

  


"The story of the Cursed Halls is over, Severus. What has happened has happened, let us not lose ourselves in the past, but think of the present. Which is the most important thing".

  


The Cursed Halls was not what Snape meant, but the message had come straight as a stab in the chest to Penny, who now had a wounded expression - and that was enough for Severus to ignore the fact that he had been contradicted.

  


"Miss Haywood, I think you are well aware that every action has a reaction, so you imagine already that you will be punished for it. Since your head of the house is very busy, I will find someone else to do it for you." Penny was extremely tense. In fact, she had never thought about the consequences of her actions until then. How could she have been so out of sorts?

  


"Since you already have to look after Miss Parkin," Dumbledore turned to Snape, "you could kill two birds with one stone and give detention to Miss Haywood too. Is that all right with you, Severus?"

  


The man grinned. "Certainly, Headmaster."

  


Penny looked ahead, terrified. If she had loved to spend hours with the man a week before, she now felt a great agitation which made her physiologically ill as well. She could already hear the gagging of vomit.

  


"But, Miss Haywood, if you cooperate with us, you might get a discount on your punishment," it was strange that Dumbledore would say such a thing, but Penny and the rest of us didn't pay too much attention. "Can you name who was with you?"

  


The girl looked at the headmaster, banned. Could she have sold her friends even if it was to save herself from punishment with Snape? She knew perfectly well how much she would benefit, but the very idea made her feel dirty and guilty.

  


She didn't think twice and denied it with her head. In order to save her friends, she would have put up with Snape as well.

  


Penny inhaled, trying to relax her tension, and answered: "No, I can't, Professor, I'm sorry".

  


"You know that by doing so you will be punished in their place, don't you?" asked the sullen Snape, who couldn't wait to have a good chance to suspend Cora - he suspected that she was behind it - and couldn't understand why she refused to cooperate.

  


Silly little girl, he thought angry.

  


"Loyalty, one of the best traits of hufflepuffes," Dumbledorereplied to Severus’ internal questions. "It's useless for me to keep asking you to be disloyal to your friends, isn't it?".

  


Penny nodded silently.

"Remember to make the right choice, Miss Haywood," Minerva McGonagall intervened, maternally and attentively.

  


Penny never felt more confident than that, "I've made it, Professor".

  


  



	5. Hi, Penny! That's me, Penny!

That morning Penny couldn’t even get out of bed. She had found herself a prisoner — on the one hand voluntary, on the other hand not — of her memories of what had happened the previous day. Her heart was wounded and crying, longing for an affection she would never receive. 

  
She widened between the pillows and the sheets, never wanting to get up from there. But the sun had risen, yet another reminder of the hellish day she was about to live, and she had to hurry up. 

  
She stretched herself out and sat down, while her stomach was in turmoil for fear of getting a howler from her parents. She had been suspended — but not expelled, at least — and they were immediately informed.

  
She yawned, wanting to go back to sleep and pretend that this was just another dream, but she couldn’t.

  
She spent a good five minutes staring at the quilt of her bedspread.

  
Then she slowly got up and washed herself.

  
She had been suspended (Snape had told her with a gloomy satisfaction on his face) so, theoretically, the permission to wear the uniform had been revoked. Penny had never walked around Hogwarts without it, it happened very rarely, and made her feel naked and out of place.

  
Of course, she had also taken part in that joke the day before, but this time it was different.

  
Without a uniform, she no longer felt like a Hufflepuff, a classic Hogwarts student. She had been forcibly thrown out of the group, out of her bubble, and was suddenly alone.

  
Loneliness.

  
That’s the feeling that always accompanied her, that’s the reason — imminent fear — which always made her stay close to others — even if sometimes she didn’t like them.

  
She no longer wanted to be alone, at the mercy of herself. 

  
Alone, that is what she saw in her mirror and hated her reflection.

  
She moved away from it — if she had been there a little longer in front of it, she'd have smashed the glass with her fist — and went to get dressed.   
It was going to be a long day.

\\\\\

Sitting on the breakfast table, she found sour that toast in her stomach and the beans were like a thousand nails down her throat.

  
Her belly was grumbling with hunger, but the food looked like poison and she didn’t even want to eat.

  
She wasn’t cheerful and, seeing all the people laughing around her, she felt that she had failed in the one big real goal that human beings set themselves: to be happy. Man always found comfort in the absurdity of life through positive emotions, but Penny could not feel any of them. Everything seemed to be falling apart now.

  
It would have helped if Snape had reciprocated her feelings, but his sarcasm had made her understand that he would rather jump off a cliff than being kissed by Penny Haywood again.

  
Thinking about what had happened made her immediately lose the desire to pretend she was eating. She slammed her fork on the table and it almost fell to the ground. The people she was pretending to follow the conversation with looked at her silently, wondering what happened to her. But shortly afterwards they went back to their business, Penny was not that important.

  
Being popular meant having many friendships, but very few were sincere and deep. The one with the little group of Hufflepuffs who were completely obsessed with parties, gossips, who adored Penny just because she knew everyone and knew how to make and smuggle alcohol, was certainly not a deep friendship.

  
The one with Snape, on the contrary, was. It surely was, at least for her.

  
But now he made her feel like a loudmouth troublemaker, a spoiled little girl, and she was now a victim of her reflection in Snape’s soul.

  
She was almost beginning to believe his words.

  
And, as if Penny had the superpower to teleport the people she was thinking about, the potion master appeared in the Great Hall. He was serious and annoyed as usual and she — as always — couldn’t take her eyes off him.

  
For a moment he looked at her and, seeing that she was staring at him, he raised his eyes to the sky and returned to ignore her.

  
Penny looked down, red in the face because she was caught in the act. She forced herself to eat to appease the embarrassing gurgling of her belly and occasionally peeped at the gloomy professor.

  
She saw him sink his spoon into the coffee pudding. Penny speculated that it was bittersweet, just like him.  
Snape was probably stressed — nothing new, really.

  
She looked back, concentrating on his breakfast. She thought it was a shame they didn’t serve coffee to the students, because she felt terribly exhausted — she knew that those in the seventh year of last year had started a subspecies of coffee smuggling. They were then surprised and caught in the act by Professor Sprout, who had approached the kitchens because she wanted to greet her Hufflepuff students in the common room.

\\\\\

She had been able to concentrate so much on her breakfast and the past misfortunes of the former Hufflepuffs, arriving at the conclusion that the seventh year was really unlucky, that she didn’t even realize Severus Snape was approaching the table.

  
“Miss Haywood,” he said, making her jump. She had her cup in her hand and spat the tea into it.

  
She was ashamed because she felt her lower lip and chin wet. She looked around for a napkin, seriously considering cleaning herself with the sleeve of the sweatshirt. Just when she was about to do so, Snape handed her a handkerchief with a _delicacy_ that would rival Hangrid’s one. 

  
His look was a mixture of sufficiency and disgust.

  
She took the handkerchief, noticing that it was really soft to the touch, and in the meantime their hands touched each other. Snape’s hand was cold, but sent pleasant sensations down Penny’s spine.

  
_I wonder what it felt like to be touched by those hands…_

  
“Thank you — she cleaned her face quickly — sir”, she added, embarrassed.   
She tried to give him back the handkerchief, but his disgusted look increased even more, because she was actually giving him something dirty.

  
“You can keep it,” he told her, grumpy. Severus didn’t even look at her.

  
“O-ok,” she said, putting it in her trouser pocket.

  
Then Snape looked again at the way she had dressed, dwelling on the white T-shirt that showed off her black bra and a little piece of her belly. “Haywood — he began, his tone thin and sour — although you are no longer allowed to wear the uniform, you are still required to wear appropriate clothing in the structure and institution of Hogwarts. Or are simple rules suddenly below you?” he mocked her.

  
Penny, full of shame, immediately asked for the zip of the canary yellow sweatshirt she had on top.

_What a great day to have a bad day._

  
“Anyway — she tried to smile at him and be positive, but she couldn’t — to what do I owe the _pleasure_ of this…visit?” It wasn’t exactly a visit, but every time she tried to make things less embarrassing, it only made the situation worse.

  
He looked at her as if she was accepting a challenge and said: “I am simply concerned to remind you that when class starts, instead of going to class with your classmates, you will come to me for punishment. Be thankful that I am wasting time on my day off not to have you expelled”. His tone was malignant, he almost seemed to enjoy Penny’s precarious situation.

  
The girl remembered Snape who had explained to her the day before the punishment she would receive with Skye.

  
_“You will have to clean the floor and every single jar. I demand that at the end of tomorrow everything will be done to perfection”. In short, he wanted them to stay there all day cleaning.  
Snape looked only Skye in the eye while he was talking; Penny was ignored and for a moment she felt eluded from doing her homework. Too bad he then asked, “All clear, Haywood?”  
“Very clear,” she replied, playing with the right sleeve of her jumper. Snape looked at her, expecting her to add something. She, as if waking from her torpor, immediately added: “Sir”. _

  
Even now Snape looked at her as if he was expecting something and she looked at him, lost for a moment.

“Certainly, sir”, she told him sincerely, after a while, but she must have seemed sarcastic to his ears, because he kept looking at her annoyed.

\\\\\

It was 9:00 a.m. 

  
Her detention would begin at that precise moment. She was in front of the door of Snape’s laboratory, but there was no trace of him. Maybe she had to knock.

  
She took courage, inhaled and exhaled, and with her knuckles she knocked lightly on the wooden door.

  
“I don’t think anyone will open it, you know?”  
It was the mocking voice behind her that caught her off guard.

  
Nevertheless, Penny giggled. Sometimes she could pretend he hadn’t started to hate her.

  
The potion master opened the door and invited her in first and so she did. It was a kindness dictated by formality, but Penny appreciated it anyway.

  
“I thought you were going to be late, knowing your acquaintances.” He followed her in, and the Huffleppuff reluctantly agreed that Cora and her other friends were never on time. Rowan, on the other hand, did, he always arrived at the exact time. A sad expression was painted on Penny’s face. She missed him so much…

  
_Think of something else, Penny, think of something else._

  
“Skye should be here soon, right, sir?”

  
“Miss Parkin — the potions teacher informed her, seeing that you were looking for her with your eyes — was allowed to train at Quidditch for the tournament. I think you’ll be able to cleaning the laboratory without _your new hobby_ ”.

  
This surprised Penny. He knew very well that there was nothing between her and Skye, so why assume that?   
To get on her nerves, of course.

  
Penny turned to him and said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  
“Suddenly yesterday’s incident no longer exists?” he asked her, grinning. Snape was tormenting her and she would not give him the satisfaction of seeing her offended expression.

  
“Maybe, at least I wouldn’t be losing my whole morning here,” she tried to fake a disgusting face. He dind’t belive her, of course. Everytime Penny went to his Laboratory, she always made sure that he would knew how mutch she loved that place.

  
Snape grinned and Penny saw that he wasn’t bothered. Defying him was always a bad game, because she never had a chance to win.  
“So make sure you clean this up as best you can.” With a wave of his wand he made a dozen dirty, dusty ampoules appear in front of her. “So you’ll get out sooner. You can’t leave until…”

  
“Until they shine, understood”, in her tone there was not even a hint of sarcasm, not even a hint of playful irreverence. Only the phrase of those who had actually understood and the tiredness of those who were tired of playing games.

  
She took the first ampoule and a rag — which appeared together with the ampoule — then began her work.   
Snape, meanwhile, had sat down at his desk. He still had to correct some of the essays of the fifth year’s Ravenclaws.

\\\\\

Penny kept cleaning the jars, and the work seemed endless if she thought she would have to sweep the whole lab as well. That was supposed to be Skye’s part, but she was playing Quidditch. Penny envied her deeply as she concentrated on cleaning a stubborn greenish machine.

  
As she put the vial back in place, she took another one so dusty that she sneezed right away. 

  
Pwnny accidentally dropped the ampoule on the floor and immediately became agitated, believing that the professor might get angry with her and worse: increase thepunishment. Some had told her that when he was particularly angry she was capable of throwing steaming cauldrons at people. She thanked God that the cauldrons were out of the teacher’s reach.  
No rant came in her direction.

  
“In your first year, Professor McGonagall must have taught you Reparo. — Snape didn’t even look up — use it. Don’t just stand there, you’ll be stuck in a knot”.

  
She sighed as she looked at him. He should no longer have deserved an ounce of her time, becausa of the mean way he treated her, but she still terribly had a crush on him. And she hated herself for it.

  
Snape had surely caught her looking at him — and she must have looked dreamy — because he stopped correcting his homework and looked at her too.  
There was no longer any anger or annoyance in his eyes, and this confused her.  
“Haywood”, he called her in a whisper, his tone was strangely subtle and sweet. For a moment the girl thought that Snape was making fun of her. In truth he seemed to pity her. The same pity you can feel for an insect trapped in a cobweb, perhaps. 

  
“All this… — she looked for the right words — you have to… you have to let it go. It could never work. I’m a teacher, you’re a student. It’s wrong and against every school and moral rule.” Penny was surprised at first at the sudden change of subject. She would never have thought Snape would want to revisit that theme.   
She then nodded sad but understanding. In a way, she had been too foolish to think — hope — that it would work, she knew.

  
“I thought you were smart enough to understand it.”  
There it was, the moral slap that he had begun to take pleasure in giving her. 

  
“It would be better if we spent less time together, Miss Haywood. You must forget me.”

  
She tightened her lips and a silent tear ran down her face. Snape’s eyebrows seemed to curl into a worried expression — as if she regretted the words she had just said — and she got nothing more.

  
“But what am I going to do when I need a hand for potion’s class?” Penny hugged, squeezed herself to protect and comfort herself. “Will I still be allowed to come to you to better understand?”

  
“I don’t think that’s the best way to forget me.”

  
She found herself sobbing and couldn’t stop. “But I **need** you…”, her stomach twitched and suddenly she felt too vulnerable, too exposed. 

  
Snape felt his throat dry up; he found her behaviour disgustingly weak and silly. Crazy little girl, showing her heart so openly. Stupid, too, to let herself go to such a theatrical confession all of a sudden.

  
And yet…

  
Yet part of him could not help but feel flattered that someone wanted him, even to the point of bursting into tears without shame.

  
Of course, many other students cried in front of him because he had been too cruel, but no one had ever done so because they needed his presence in life. 

  
She was awakening a hidden and equally fragile part of him.

  
“You are a very skilled student, you know much more potions than your classmates. You will have no difficulty in understanding the books in the library,” he said, hoping to end the conversation in this way.

  
“But what if I can’t understand them at all?” she was making eyes at him. A force of habit, she often did them when she wanted to stay and study some ingredients late in the evening, but she never started to do so after the kiss.  
Snape rolled eyes. “Well, I guess you know where to find me by now”. 

  
Penny sketched him a smile, but her gaze was finally alive. A spark could be glimpsed in it.

  
“Now go fix the jar. Hurry up.”

\\\\\

Snape, after the day was over, returned to his lodgings, tired in the face. Physically, too, he was not as active. 

  
The room was dark, with a few candles — very few, in fact — to light the room. A fireplace was placed in the background and the man with a waving wand lit a small flame, which slowly spread among the embers. In the basement it was often cold — especially in the evening — so it had become an ordinary, almost automatic gesture. Just as it was routine for him to sit on the dark green armchair in front of the fireplace and pour himself a glass of firey whisky. He let himself sink into the armchair and with his hand, that was not holding the glass, he massaged his temples.

  
It had been a complicated week. Very complicated.

  
His favourite pupil (not that he could ever admit it to a living soul, she was out of his favourite Slytherin) had strangely begun to have feelings for him — had he ever given her false hopes? Yes, he complimented her, but he had never been more docile with her than with her other classmates. Or had he? — but in reality that wasn’t the biggest problem.

  
The trouble was that she had managed to kiss him, and that’s when the dilemma began.  
The part that disappointed Severus the most was letting Penny do it; he didn’t put up any resistance when her kind but invasive lips settled on his. 

  
He hadn’t even blinked when he saw her skirt shortened. Part of him — which he preferred to ignore — had lingered with his gaze on her legs. 

  
He was obviously pissed off when she came out of the closet, during that stupid joke, but he knew that half of his nervousness was due to Minerva’s presence and the fact that his gaze still lingered on her.

  
If he had had another role outside Hogwarts, he could have said that Penny was an objectively attractive young woman.

  
Characteristically, she had little to object to, she was a Hufflepuff in every way. Of course, she had recently shown an arrogance that was getting on his nerves, but nothing comparable to that swine of James Potter. She remained a _sunshine_ , with the courage — the unconsciousness — to reveal her feelings without fear of retaliation. 

  
Underneath it all he liked and there was nothing more fundamentally wrong. 

Every time he tried to reach the Light, Darkness got in his way. But he had done the right thing: he had pushed her away and offered her less free time than before.

  
She would have forgotten him.

  
So Penny Haywood could finally understand that that was just a passing crush, so his guilt would be silenced.

  
Whenever he seemed to enter into a relationship, more sexual and not necessarily romantic, part of him still felt guilt for Lily. 

  
She had died because of him, and betraying the memory of her with someone else would have made his inner state worse.

  
Not that Haywood could have been someone he could have a relationship with. She was of age, yes, but he was still her teacher, the real responsible adult there. At least, he had to be.

  
He thought that maybe that night he would not be limited to just a glass of whisky.

  
The truth was that Penny Haywood had captured his interest and it annoyed the hell out of him.

\\\\\

Even Penny, in her dormitory, had her mind occupied by a thousand thoughts.

  
She had found the Snape’s handkerchief in her pocket and started holding it in her hand — she had forgotten she had it there and was very happy with the discovery. It had the same smell as the dried flowers in the Laboratory, vaguely reminding her of Snape. It also had his initials.

  
Part of her felt guilty, because she knew she would never gave it back.

  
She looked for a place to hide it so her dorm mates wouldn’t see it and just when she looked through the drawers she found her little notebook.

  
He looked at his notebook, the origin of all that chaos. After all, if she had never had to do that research on ingredients, she would not have gone to the Laboratory and would never have seen the joke, she would never have kissed Snape.

  
Another tomult of emotions pervaded her, thinking back to all that. 

  
One of the worst parts of her situation was that she couldn’t even talk to anyone about it. Yes, Cora knew this and unfortunately Merula did too, but to make sure that no rumour spread around she tried to tell as little as possible.

  
She needed to let off steam and if she couldn’t say her feelings out loud, then she would find a solution.

  
She took the notebook and opened it on a blank page.

_“Hey Penny! That’s me, Penny!  
You know you screwed up, right?”_

  



	6. Amortentia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm happy that you appreciate my fanfic; I actually expected this to have very few readers.  
> Really, you make me so glad :D   
> Penny will have to suffer a little more before she gets reciprocated - or at least, before she gets some serious attentions. My heart aches :c  
> Anyway, I've rationalised (yes, only now, silly me!) that in her seventh year, a certain Harry Potter 0.0 starts attending Hogwarts, so it's coming. I can't tell you when, but it will come. c:   
> Tell me what you think!!!  
> And, really, thanks again <3

### Amortentia

Penny had done nothing but write since that evening. It was like an addiction, she couldn’t help herself and when she put her feelings down on paper it was as if she had finally gotten a pebble off her shoe. The feeling of liberation was so satisfying that she would pick up a pen and start writing as soon as she could. In fact, she did it all the time: at breakfast, in secret in the library, in the afternoon in Madame Rosmerta’s pub and in the evening in her dormitory.

  
It crossed her mind to start a blog when she returned to the Muggle world, at christmas. Many people would probably take her virtual diary as a fantasy story — but perhaps it was for the best. If they found out about the wizarding world because of her, she would definitely be in trouble.

  
She couldn’t help but write even when she was out in the yard with her friends, sitting on the edge of the fountain, her legs crossed and her feet not touching the ground.

  
At that moment she was absolutely not counting all the times that week that her gaze had accidentally crossed with Snape’s. At least, that might be what Penny would say if someone had asked her. 

  
Snape was still anchored in the depths of every thought; his slight curl of his lips and glances carved into her memory.

  
She looked up and his crush was no longer talking to Madame Hooch on the other side of the courtyard.  
The girl smiled (Snape had gone back talking with the other professor) and jotted down the number five in her notebook.  
Maybe she was getting too carried away, she thought as she placed her pen down on the pages of paper. She couldn’t be too rational around him.

“ Houston calling Penny, Penny do you receive us?”, Cora, who was sitting next to her, teased her and snapped two fingers in front of her face. Penny regretted telling her about the Muggles’ Apollo 13 mission. “Are you there?” asked her Cora.

  
“Yes, yes, of course!” she quickly closed the notebook in her hand, afraid someone would read it. Her friends would never do that, at most they could tease her a little, but they would never read any letter written without her consent. But she wasn’t just surrounded by friends at Hogwarts and her serious crush on Snape had to be a secret.

  
“Stop studying and focus on what’s really important!” Tonks was standing in front of her. Charlie smiled. 

  
“We need to focus on the seniors’ prank! — continued the pink haired girl — Do you have any ideas?”

  
“Something that definitely doesn’t make us risk detention again, for sure,” the blonde stated, not failing to cast another glance at the potions master. The others cast their gaze at him as well, nodding understandingly. She definitely looked lost, trapped in some thought. She was not noticed.

  
“We are still infinitely grateful that you sacrificed yourself for us, Penny Haywood,” Tulip began, her gaze full of affection. Penny smiled at her friendly. “I’m sorry you took your punishment with Snape, I hope it didn’t make your mood worse.” A sad expression followed. Tulip remembered her anxiety attack and would have throttled the potions professor if he had dared to make her cry.

  
Penny grimaced, uncertain how to respond. Cora laid a hand on her shoulder, understanding. 

“Actually,” the blonde began, “it wasn’t that bad.” She found herself playing with the sleeve of her oversized sweatshirt. She didn’t like not wearing the uniform anymore, but at least she could show off her funny hoodies. The one from that day had a electron with a smiling face printed on it that said ‘I’m positive!’.

“In fact, we’ve cleared up some issues.” Ironic, how the head of Slytherin house made her feel bad the moment before, and good the next. He was simultaneously the poison and the cure. “After all, it’s been a week since I was suspended. Me and him, we’ve said stuff to each other,— for a moment her expression returned lost — However, Sprout has intervened and now I only have detention with her.”   
The others, except Cora, looked at her slightly confused, wondering what issues she had to clarify with the teacher. Penny trying to divert the conversation asked, “Anyway, about the jokes? I’m really curious about your ideas.”

“Well” exclaimed Charlie loudly, but everyone waved him down. The teachers, though far away, were still in the courtyard with them and could have heard them. This time, they knew, the punishment would not fall on just one member of their group.

  
“Fred and George thought it would be a good idea if we all stretched out together on the floor along the busiest corridor in the school, so as to get in the way of the students and teachers.”

  
“Chaotic, I like that!”, Tonks was already thrilled at the idea.

  
“We might get our clothes dirty on the floor, though,” complained André, shuddering at the mere thought that his clothes might get ruined. “Elves don’t do a very good job out here!”

  
“What a bad idea,” cackled Merula, crossing her arms.

  
“Oh, shut up!” protested the Weasley brother, a grimace of disappointment on his face. “I don’t even know why you’re here.”

  
“I was asking myself the same question, you jerk.”

  
The air was definitely getting tense.

  
“How dare you…”

  
“Calm down!” Cora roared, extending her arm forward, her hand open in a ‘stop’ sign, as if to finish whatever argument she had in front of her.

  
Merula sighed, gave Charlie a disgusted look (and it was reciprocated), crossed her arms and replied, “Whatever.”

  
They spent hours arguing, talking about the joke, while Penny couldn’t help but move her legs, impatient, wishing she could write more. At that moment, she thought, she could describe her surroundings. She found the air slightly fresh, perhaps she had made the mistake of wearing only a sweatshirt without a shirt underneath. She shivered a little, but found the warm company of his friends an excellent solution to the cold. Penny thought they were really great, she couldn’t ask anything more of Hogwarts to make her happier. She giggled at one of Cora’s jokes as she thought this.

  
Actually, something else could make her happy, but — she turned her gaze to him — too bad he wouldn’t even look at her.

  
///

In the end, the twins’ prank didn’t work out. Half an hour of discussion had made her realise two things: first, that lying down in a corridor was really stupid and antigenic, and second, that she was late for detention from Professor Sprout.

  
In the Herbology greenhouse, her duties would be to clean and water all the plants. It wasn’t the greatest of joys, it was still a detention. There was a part of her that preferred the one with Snape, and there was no point in specifying why. 

  
In a rush, she walked towards her head of the house classroom. The only time she walked was when some teacher or prefect told her to stop in the corridors — because running was actually against the rules.

  
\\\\\

  
Out of breath, she entered the greenhouse.

  
“Oh, good morning, dear!” Professor Sprout greeted her as she walked through the door. “I thought you were never coming.” 

  
“Good morning, Professor,” Penny returned the greeting politely and approached her to apologise. “I’m really sorry I’m late.”

  
Sprout gestured to her with her hand to indicate that it didn’t matter, she had something else to talk about.

  
“I must admit, I was very disappointed to hear about your prank, Miss Haywood. I expect the utmost discipline from my Hufflepuffs. I had to take ten points off our house,” her teacher’s face became stern, but never as sour and furious as Snape’s when he had seen her walk out the hallway door. 

  
Penny apologised again, explaining openly that she wasn’t feeling well that day, that she needed something to distract herself and that, unfortunately, she hadn’t accounted for the possible consequences. Professor Sprout shook her head, but the small smile that curled her lips indicated that she would never be completely furious with her. 

  
“I understand,” she began, as she put the dragon-skin gloves on her hands, “everyone has a hard time. That’s why I’m telling you not to mind coming to talk to me about it if you want to.” 

  
Penny, who had picked up the broom and was preparing to clean the floor that would soon be covered in dry leaves, crumpled her face into a grimace. She would never be able to discuss the matter with her herbology professor or the entire faculty. No one had to know. What would they think of her? And of Snape, too. She would never want him to get into trouble, especially for things that hadn’t happened yet.

  
“I’m not saying you have to tell me now,” Sprout deliciously pulled dry leaves off a plant and Penny rushed to clean them off the ground, “but maybe in the future think about it. You might avoid these punishments.”

  
“True,” she agreed, as she went to throw away what had fallen to the ground.

  
“However, I heard that Professor Snape punished you and, knowing him, he must not have gone easy on you, which is why today’s will be your last punishment. Tomorrow you can resume classes.”

  
“Really?!” Penny was really excited. She could have put her beloved uniform back on and spent more time with her friends even in class.

  
“Yes, you deserve it. I heard from Dumbledore that you sacrificed yourself for your friends, that’s really selfless of you. It has in fact given twenty points back to Hufflepuff.”

  
Calculating the points taken away from Sprout, the house had now received ten more points. It wasn’t much, but it wasn’t all the worse she could have thought would happen after her prank.

  
Penny smiled in satisfaction.

“So, what did Professor Snape put you through?” she asked her almost jokingly, but there was a certain sense of protectiveness in her tone. Pomona Sprout knew how overly harsh and sour he could be with non-Slytherins, so if she had known he had gone too far with Penny Haywood, she would not have hesitated for a second to give him a piece of her mind. 

  
“The punishment was really heavy, yes, but Snape actually, when I spoke to him, was almost — Penny gasped in search of an adjective, but she could only think of one — _sweet._ ”

  
Sprout looked at her surprised, but not in a negative way. 

  
“You must be very talented to receive such treatment. Not that I had any particular doubts about that. He must really appreciate you, too.” 

  
“Yes, he does,” Penny murmured thoughtlessly. “In his own way. But in my opinion he appreciates all students at Hogwarts, he just has a particular way of showing it.”

  
Madame Sprout didn’t seem to be of the same opinion, but smiled at her and replied. “You have a _very nice_ way of looking at things.”

  
Penny hated it when people said that to her, because they always implied that she was of too innocent a view, almost childish and obtuse. Was it so bad to see the positive in everything, to be able to find the good even with those who hid it perfectly?

  
The hour in detention seemed to pass quickly, for the work was tempered by the mostly pleasant chatter of the Herbology teacher. Sprout would ask her with keen interest how Penny’s family was doing, how school was going in other subjects, with friends, whether the seventh graders had any other less indecorous pranks planned, etc.

  
Then it was Penny’s turn to water the plants. The first ones she came across were roses. She really liked them as flowers, she found them extremely romantic, especially because of their deep red colour. The smell was also deep and pleasant. The part she loved most about them, though, was that it was a common element between the Muggle and Wizarding worlds. A bit like her, an half-blood, ambivalent between the two worlds.

  
The rose, also, she remembered, was useful for creating various Potions. Especially those about love, which Penny found very interesting to make. Not that she often cared about the ultimate purpose of the potions; sometimes it was nice just to be there stirring in the cauldron, the liquids changing colour as they went along were so relaxing and gave her a captivating atmosphere. Lately though, she knew that if she ever made a love potion, she would have a reason for it for the first time. 

  
The most potent of all, Amortentia, was made from Ashwinder eggs, Rose petals, chilli powder and Moon water. The ingredients also didn’t seem that hard to come by. She could ask for the chilli in the kitchens (just had to tell an elf she wanted her eggs spiced up), and she could get the eggs by starting a magical fire and leaving it unattended. The petals, on the other hand, she could… steal them.

  
But that was really wrong, she thought, especially since Sprout still trusted her and Penny had just finished her suspension period.

  
No, she wouldn’t do that.

  
She was also unsure how to come up with a plan. How was she going to get Snape to drink it?

The first hypothesis was to put it in a drink. But did she really have this permission? Could she really decide on another person’s free will? She knew she had no right to choose for him.

Of course, Snape had never told her that he didn’t like her, after all he had only explained that their attendance was forbidden by the rules, nothing else. It almost gave her reason to hope.

  
His actions, on the other hand, made him unsettling in his new neutrality. After the incident in the lab, she seemed to give him hives — he had begun to almost resent her and every moment was good for insulting her. Presently, after the first punishment, the alleged hatred had faded, and their relationship had become like the one before. Only less frequent. Simply neutral. 

  
A strange sense of emptiness made its way inside her.

  
_“Forget me,”_ he had told her, and thinking back on it hurt. But it also opened her eyes to the fact that he’d never explicitly said he didn’t like her. 

  
Penny knew that when Snape wanted to hurt, he wouldn’t mind telling her, “No, I don’t like you.”

  
It was…incomprehensible. An immense web of truths and unspoken things that confused her.

  
She couldn’t understand it anymore.

  
Maybe, she told herself with a shred of hope, he liked Penny’s presence. Just, a little more than usual, and that made him nervous — maybe? Was that really possible?

  
Penny could have given him a hand in opening up about his feelings. A little Amortentia, and his problems would be solved.

  
///

  
The less pragmatic part of her, that is, the part that tended to always take over, was already thinking about the results of the Amortentia.

  
She was already imagining what it would be like to repeat it and be reciprocated. She would finally be able to smell those dried flowers when she was so close to him. Was it perfume? Or the result of many hours spent in the laboratory?

  
And how would he be in the kiss? Gentle and delicate? Or more likely deep and passionate?

  
And would those eyes, so dark and brooding, soften? Just for her?

“Penny! — Pomona Sprout approached her, in silent steps — Penny! Are you there?”

  
Penny snapped, awakening from her thoughts. “Oh, yes, yes, here!”

  
“You’re watering the table,” the teacher pointed out to her.

  
“Oh excuse me,” she turned the watering can towards the plants this time.

  
“It’s okay.”

  
As she watered the flowers, she wondered if the teacher had ever noticed that any petals would be missing.   
The more she looked at them, the more the thought of the Amortentia became overpowering in her mind.  
She could make it happen and get the attention she so wanted from her potions master. 

  
The idea of helping Snape with his feelings, of him being sweet to her in the conventional sense of the word, was just too hard to resist.  
She waited for Sprout to turn around to pluck off some petals. Tearing them off gently and quickly was really difficult, but she managed it. She put them in her pocket.

  
She smiled triumphantly at her new conquest.

  


  


  



	7. Thief

**  
**

Another ingredient of Amortentia was Moon water. To make it, she simply had to bless a vase or any other container to the Earth, put the water in it and leave it out in the moonlight. At least, this is what the books on so-called "green" magic and advanced potions said. 

But if finding a jar and putting water in it was no problem, there was a slight hitch in the lunar question: she had to wait 28 days for the next Full Moon. Penny was in no mood to be patient, and besides, how could she explain to her dorm mates that she was trying to recreate Moon water for the Amortentia? 

  


For that matter, the ready-made Moon water on the shelf in the Potions lab made her desire it. It was as if the knights narrated in the Breton cycles had finally come close to the Holy Grail. In fact, it seemed to her that the pot shone with its own light, almost.

There it was, the ingredient she needed, so close and yet so unreachable. She could not have asked Snape. 

What could she have said to him? "Sir, may I have some Moon water? You know, I need it to create Amortentia, put it in your black tea and make you fall in love with me."

  


No, she would have been caught right away.

  


She ran her tongue between her teeth, thoughtful.

  


She didn't necessarily have to ask.

  


Her face lit up at his new idea.

  


She could have borrowed it  another way ....

  


"Miss Haywood, class is long over."

Snape's voice behind her made her jolt.

  


He was right, class was over. Her first lesson after suspension. She could hardly believe it.

  


"Uh, yes, of course." She took her eyes off Moon water and headed for the door, backpack over her shoulder. "Have a nice day, sir," she greeted and smiled to him on her way out. She didn't need to turn around to see Severus' interdicted expression.

  


///

  


If she was going to steal Moon water she needed a distraction. She remembered the time when Snape had captured a fairy and Cora had asked her to take it while she distracted the potions master. So after lunch Penny invited her out into the courtyard to ask her for a favour.

  


"Hmm," Cora said, finishing chewing on the green apple she was holding. "I thought you were the one who wanted to spend more time with him."

"Yes, I do, but I need an ingredient from his lab." Penny played with her own hands nervously.

  


Cora raised an eyebrow, suspicious. "And why don't you just ask him?" 

  


"Because then I'd have to explain what I need it for," she sighed, looking distressed.

  


"And, by the way, what do you need it for? Why does it upset you so much?"

  


Penny felt her lips go dry. She would have loved to be honest with her best friend, but telling her the truth and getting her into the strange patterns involving herself and Snape was definitely too risky.

  


Lost in thought, Penny was extremely quiet, and was awakened by an "Oh my God!" shouted by Cora, who was wide-eyed, as if she had had an epiphany. The blue-haired girl continued, "You're addicted to opium!"

  


"W-what? No!"

  


The Slytherin didn't listen to her, who by now had started thinking out loud, "Jeez, how do teachers think it's a good idea to put opium in plain sight in a classroom full of teenagers! Oh God..."

  


"Cora!" the blonde drew her attention. "I'm not addicted to any hallucinogens."

  


Cora stared at her for a moment. "...Really? Because if so that would explain why you find Snape attractive," she told her jokingly.

  


Slightly less in a joking mood, Penny tapped her arm. 

  


"Ouch!" The Slytherin rubbed the injured part. A large purple bruise would appear later.

"Okay, now, seriously: why do you need an ingredient?"

  


"It's for ... a potion of my own invention. I'm still trying, it doesn't have a name yet." Penny, unwillingly, lied to her. "It's for creating a purifying substance."

  


The blue eyes mirrored the brown eyes, but they no longer found themselves on the other side. Something had changed.

  


"Oh, I see."

  


///

  


Penny went to the Lab, the backpack - where to put Moon water jar - over her shoulder.

She had accidentally made the door creak open, the heavy sound of hinges opening freezing her. Her breath caught in her throat. Someone could hear her.

  


Snape  could hear her.

  


Her heart beat wildly and she almost froze in fear of being discovered. Then she told herself to wake up and she moved.

With slow, silent steps, she entered the laboratory. 

Luckily for her, no one was there.

  


///

  


Cora meanwhile had made her way to Snape's office and found it surprisingly empty. 

There was no one there.

It was short-lived, though, because when she turned to leave and go find the potions master somewhere else - hoping him to not to be in the lab already - , she found herself face to face with him.

  


"Oh, sir! Even you here, how strange!" giggled Cora embarrassedly, tucking her hair behind her ears. 

  


"It's my office, Sanders," he looked at her crookedly from his hooked nose. "I should be the one to ask you why your unbearable person got here."

  


The girl tried to ignore the insults, she must be used to them after all, but she couldn't help feeling slightly offended.

  


"Um, yeah, yeah," she put a hand to the back of her head, even more embarrassed than before. "So...here..."

  


"Yeah?" he arched an eyebrow.

  


"Um..." she mumbled, running out of ideas. He tried to rack his brains, remembering how she'd tried to distract him the other times. "I was wondering...how you're doing these days. Are you eating enough? You look a little pale to me."

  


Snape looked at her strangely, perhaps even disgusted.

"Did McGranitt send you here?" he raised an eyebrow.

  


"What?"

  


"Nevermind."

  


///

  


Penny furtively observed Potions Lab. Carefully, she walked over to the shelf where she remembered Moonwater was. 

To her amazement, the water was no longer there. A sense of anxiety welled up in her chest. Snape had suspected that she was looking for it and had hidden it. Or he had simply used it for a potion.

Either way, she needed to be looking for her right now and she didn't know how much time she had to do it.

She hoped that Cora was doing her job well.

  


///

  


"And that's why I highly recommend always using gloves," Cora finished.

  


Snape looked at her annoyed. "Very interesting," his tone was full of sarcasm, "but I have work to do now, and I think you need to stud-" he tried to leave, but the girl stood between him and the door. "What is it now?"

  


"I can't afford to let you go if you're going to go first-" she looked back, at a loss for words. Then her gaze settled on her teacher's dark circles. - If I don't ask you how your sleep is going first. Do you sleep well? You seem stressed."

  


"Much of my stress is caused by your presence, if you don't leave now-" he growled at her, but she was extremely adamant about keeping Snape away from the lab as long as possible.

  


"But I just wanted to-"

  


"Leave." Snape pronounced through clenched teeth, fuming with anger. She replied, but he grabbed her shoulder and shoved her out of his way.

  


///

  


Moon water jar was nowhere to be found. Penny had searched everywhere, on every shelf, from the lowest to the highest.

But nothing.

There were jars of toadstail, mallow, rainwater, even fairy wings, but nothing she was looking for. 

Unable to hold back a tear of frustration she headed for the door, until she noticed that behind it was another shelf she hadn't looked in.

  


///

  


"Well, sir, for sleep I have a very good solution. Penny's father always mixes Chardonnay with Valium. It's supposed to be a Muggle medicine. In fact once - she froze - ups, maybe I shouldn't have told you that."

  


"Definitely," was Snape's laconic but cutting comment. "You blab profusely, you know that?"

  


Cora remained silent, staring at her shoes and feeling guilty for revealing such a private detail about Penny's family. 

  


Too lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice what was going on around her.

  


When she realised she had let Snape go, she saw that he had already gone into the corridor.

  


Cora ran after him.

  


///

  


Penny finally managed to find the jar of Moon water. She saw that it was less full than it had been that morning, so any anxiety that Snape had ever had about her plan was destroyed in that instant. She was greatly relieved.

  


She was about to reach for the cruet when she heard the sound of footsteps from outside. 

  


Penny had to hurry. 

  


///

  


As she pursued Snape, Cora hoped that Penny might forgive her for exposing her and saying things about her family that were too personal. 

  


The sound of footsteps echoed through the dungeons and the Slytherin girl's heartbeat grew louder and louder. She could swear that even Snape could hear it if he wanted to.

  


///

  


As they entered the laboratory, Cora's anxiety was running high and she was certain that she would soon be acquainted with every possible and imaginable punishment. For a second she closed her eyes, hoping that when she opened them again she would find herself in her own bed and that this was all just a dream.

  


A cold “Haywood!”, however, made her eyes open wide.

  


In front of her stood Penny with her back to her, staring in fascination at a jar with the liver of who knows what creature inside. She seemed to be taking notes in her notebook.

  


She turned, but said nothing.

  


"What a bizarre coincidence," Snape was the first to speak, "First Miss Sanders telling me about balderdash, now Haywood in my Laboratory. It would appear that you are up to something." He squinted at both of them. "I'm especially addressing you, Sanders."

  


Cora shook her head. Could she possibly be blamed for an idea that was not her own?

  


"I don't know what you're talking about, sir," Penny smiled shyly at him and finally opened her mouth. In her hand was what looked like her usual notebook. "I only came into the Lab to study some ingredients. Since in the beginning of the year you had given me permission to enter without asking you every time, I thought I might..."

  


"I know, what I did tell you at the beginning of the year," he began, his tone indifferent. He looked around, as if searching for something missing. His black eyes settled on each cruet, then on both girls. Penny swallowed.

  


"So you wouldn't mind if I searched your backpack, would you? You haven't done anything, after all, right?" Her sneer made Cora chill.

  


Penny slowly put her notebook down on the table, then took her backpack off her shoulder. 

  


"Here, sir."

  


Cora had begun to break into a cold sweat.

  


"What's this?" Snape pulled a small bottle of water out of his backpack. Cora looked with wide eyes at Penny.

  


They were screwed.

  


"It's...aloe water. It's for smooth, moisturized skin. My mum made me bring it," Penny said, shyly.

  


Snape checked the plastic bottle. It had no label on it, so there was nothing to prove that Penny was lying. But not that she was telling the truth either.

  


"It is strictly forbidden to bring drinks or food from outside into the building," Severus said stiffly. He set the small bottle down on the table. "Ten points from Hufflepuff."

  


Penny lowered her gaze sadly.

  


Cora grimaced. It seemed to her that Snape had just invented that rule.

  


There were then only school books in her backpack and shortly after the potions master's search ended. 

  


"Fine, you may go," he handed the backpack back to Penny, who finally seemed to breathe again. She slung her backpack back over her shoulder and picked up her notebook.

  


The two girls walked out of the lab, silent and pale in the face.

  


In the corridor, Cora's face was the picture of discontent. "I'm sorry, Penny," she grumbled, hugging herself. "I couldn't distract him for long..."

  


Penny, on the contrary, smiled. "Don't worry about it," in her hand she carefully constricted her notebook, "it all worked out fine, actually."

  


The Slytherin stopped short, Penny took only two more steps in front of her and then turned around.

  


"Wh-what?" asked Cora in surprise, her lips parted in an oval that then formed a smile. "How?"

  


"Look," Penny placed the notebook under her nose. The blue-haired girl looked at her strangely, raising an eyebrow.

  


"I transfigured it into a notebook." She opened the pages. " They're all blank, see?"

  


Penny had panicked when she heard Cora and Snape's footsteps and in her haste had cast the first transfiguration spell she could think of for Moon water. As luck would have it, it transfigured into a notebook very similar to hers, which Snape had seen a thousand times before and would never have suspected was a transfigured object. 

  


Cora giggled loudly. Penny signalled her to be quiet, Snape might still be close. 

  


"I don't believe it, you really are a genius, Penny!"

  


///

  


On the afternoon of the following day, Penny had asked Hagrid for Ashwinter's eggs. "They're such lovely creatures," she had told him and he had all delightedly replied. "Yes, they are. I'll try to see what I can do for you, Penny." She had smiled and left.

  


At that moment she was pacing the corridors of Hogwarts, books in her arms, pleased that everything seemed to be going according to the plan. She was already planning how to get the chilli powder, when a Slytherin of her acquaintance ran towards her, alarmed. Corathen stopped short, in a slightly bent position, putting her hands on her knees to hold herself up.

  


"Snape knows!" exclaimed Cora, her breath clogging her voice. She kept exhaling and inhaling.

  


"W-what?" gasped Penny, stopping in her tracks. A student behind her almost ran into her.

  


"He knows Monn water was stolen and suspects it was me along with someone else." She stood up abruptly. "This morning he came to the Common Room and in front of everyone accused me of theft and of planning who knows what with the rest of our group.”

  


"But he can't do that," Penny hesitated, "he doesn't have proof!"

  


"I spent hours distracting him and you were in the lab, I think that's evidence enough."

Cora also said:

"Please go to Snape and explain the situation. You are his favourite pupil, he will understand! In fact, he will admire your initiative! Well, at least, he won't criticize it. But you'll save everyone's life anyway!"

  


"No, Cora I - the blonde stopped her, determined to tell her the truth. A boulder was pressing down on her - I lied. I have no intention of patenting any new potion. I actually needed it for Amortentia." She was red in the face, full of shame.

  


Cora had always thought she knew Penny, but that moment was calling everything into question. That blonde girl in front of her was not Penny, not at all.

  


"The Amortentia?!" blurted Cora, incredulous. "You're kidding me, I hope."

  


Ashamed as a thief - and indeed she was - , Penny lowered her gaze and denied it with her head.

  


"You're putting everyone at risk of expulsion, and for what? For a fuck?"

  


Penny looked up again, slightly indignant. Did she really think she'd stoop this low just for a carnal desire? 

  


"Do I look like the type who just wants this? Really Cora?! Really?" She frowned in an angry expression.

  


"Then what's the reason? Because, you know, that's all you're going to get from amortentia."

  


Penny thought that cutting sarcasm had to be a requirement to get into Slytherin, otherwise she would never have explained why Cora at that instant looked so much like Snape at his worst.

  


"I... " Penny began angrily. She noticed that she was at a loss for words. The truth hurt her, but she had to say it, she knew. Hufflepuff was the house of the honest people, after all, and she had to get back to be honest. "I just wanted him to like me the way I like him."

  


Her companion's gaze seemed to soften, but only for a second.

  


Cora's tone became calmer. "It doesn't make true love and you know it. Besides, I don't think he can ever love you if you force him to."

  


Penny sighed. "Yeah."

  


"It's sad to know, though, that you'd be willing to sacrifice those who really love you because of that sourpuss!"

  


Cora, sad, made to turn away. Penny, if her hands hadn't been occupied by books, would have gently grabbed her arm and said, "That's not true!" but she merely spoke.

  


Cora turned around, "Your actions say otherwise, though." Then she retraced her steps, ignoring Penny who called out to her.

  


///

  


Penny and Cora were no longer speaking to each other. The Hufflepuff had tried to speak to her, but the Slytherin girl always seemed to be on the verge of answering her, but she reconsidered and walked away. 

  


The situation, so tense and heavy, punctured Penny's lungs every time she saw her friend. Was she still her friend? Penny hoped so.

  


She felt terribly stupid, because in order to make Snape love her, she had ignored those who really loved her.

  


She swallowed, breathing shallowly, ready to approach Cora to apologize, but the words died in her throat. 

  


Because a part of her that she hated was tremendously proud. It was obvious that she was the daughter of a Gryffindor. Her plan wasn't supposed to go so wrong, they weren't supposed to get caught, and admitting that bothered her a little.

  


Her pride and guilt were fighting each other every time she saw Cora and she needed to distract herself.

  


She preferred to opt for a game of Gobstones with Banarby. He needed more time away from her, to think and understand the situation better.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I watch trashy TV series like Awkward and it shows >.<  
> Anyway, thank you for reading this chapter too. Seriously, I love you <3  
> Penny's plans aren't going the way she hoped and the people most precious to her are moving away. Sad, I know.  
> In the chapter I've thrown in a few references to current "green" magic, the movies and well, I hope I've treated the characters in a good way.  
> Tell me what you think!!!


	8. Skye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penny starts to rethink about her ex crush on Skye, confronting it with the one she has for Snape. Some strange dreams will help her to understand a lot of things.
> 
> That's my first time trying to do a summary and i'm not good oof <.<

**  
**

In Potions class, a strange domino effect occurred. As soon as Cora entered - obviously late - she received a furious look from Snape, and she gave the same to Penny. 

And Penny, her eyes sad and her heart clenching tighter and tighter, had really felt like falling like one of those black and white tiles.

Falling.

Falling apart.

She lowered her gaze from Cora's as her seat neighbour, Skye, stroked her shoulder. Even though Penny and Cora had argued, their friends had preferred not to take sides, mostly because they didn't even know what had really happened. Cora was still careful to keep Penny's secret, and that made the hufflepuff feel even worse. 

  


"Now that Mrs Sanders has finally decided to grace us with her presence, we can begin today's lesson." 

  


Snape cast a scornful glance at his pupils, especially Cora and Penny. He knew that the two of them had stolen Moon water, in fact he had inspected both of their rooms in the dorms, but he hadn't found any evidence, so he couldn't ground them, let alone expel them. Oh, how he would have loved to expel Cora Sanders!

  


He tried, therefore, to keep an eye on them for evidence. 

  


Snape then began to explain the Weedosoros potion again. He would definitely ask for it during Newt or in the exam to move on to the next semester.

  


Penny was obviously watching him in fascination. She saw in profile his dark eyebrows furrowing in concentration, his hands (oh how she loved them) making careful, precise gestures. He seemed to be totally sure of what he was doing and Penny's throat grew dry. His face looked slightly sweaty from the vapours emanating from the cauldron, which highlighted his cheekbone. The hufflepuff found it terribly endearing.

  


He shouldn't have made Penny's belly contract like that. It was almost torture for her. Watching him up close without being able to have him.

  


Out of the corner of his eye he seemed to stare at her, but he was most likely watching her  with her other classmates. "I want you to concentrate," he said and Penny's legs could have melted, "because I'm not going to explain it again."

  


///

  


Skye threw a bad look at the Potions professor, who was standing on the other side of the classroom and was watching with careful hostility as the other students were preparing the poison. Penny followed her gaze, seeing Snape scold Cora and give what looked like advice to Merula. The blonde's gaze grew sad as she thought back to her argument with Cora. Her lip trembled and a sob escaped her.

  


Skye for the second time that day stroked her arm, to give her comfort and Penny felt it tingle, a strange sensation came from her touch. 

  


"Hurts, huh?" he asked her, referring to the issue with Cora, a soft smile crossed her face. Penny let a silent tear escape. "You'll see you'll make up!" the Quidditch player continued, trying to cheer her on. The Hufflepuff sketched a smile and wiped away the tears. She wanted to at least try to believe her.

  


With pleasure, she noticed that the Slytherin had not yet broken off the physical contact between them.

  


"God, I'm sorry I left you alone with that sourpuss!" he said then, letting go of her arm. Penny felt that spot on her skin cold, empty.

  


The Hufflepuff didn't complain about the insult towards Snape. It bothered, but compared to other epithets juxtaposed against his name, that seemed the least worst.

  


"Don't worry, all of Hogwarts knows that he favours Slytherins and can't wait for his house to win the Quidditch championship. It was going to happen anyway. Don't worry."

  


"I can't deny it."

  


They smiled shyly at each other.

  


Some time passed, in silence, occupied by their potions, until Skye blurted out, hands on her hips.

  


"Why is it so purple? Damn it! " The Slytherin complained after a while. Penny looked up from her own work to come to her aid.

  


She looked at the liquid in her deskmate's cauldron, which was still stirring. She widened her eyes, looked at the blackboard where Professor Snape's notes were, but nothing was doing the trick. So she hurriedly flipped through the pages in the book quickly. Skye panted, thinking for a moment that her cauldron could explode at any moment and there would be no Quidditch competitions there to save her from a more than certain detention.

  


"Oh God..." was her only comment.

  


"So \- Penny spoke slowly, reading in her head - the book says that this result is from the exaggerated amount of shredded snake fangs. If you add a little mandrake sap to it the whole thing should balance out." 

  


"I'll go look for more sap then, and hope Snape doesn't catch me. Thank you very much, Penny."

  


"You're welcome," she smiled at her.

  


Penny, watching her companion get up, was surprised that she could talk to Skye with such ease. She vividly remembered her tongue sticking out, her legs trembling, every time she stood next to her. 

His crush on Skye had been unsettling in the discovery of her identity. At first she had fiercely denied to herself her bisexuality, her attraction to the female sex, not being able to accept it.

  


Seeing Cora express her feelings towards Merula so calmly, without shame or self-hatred, had helped her to accept her sexual orientation.

  


Cora had always been so important to her....

  


No, Penny didn't want to think about her now, because then she would get distracted and her suffering would intrude on the preparation of her potion. She had to be perfect in that subject - it was her favourite, after all.

  


It was best to think of Skye, her old crush. So different from the one she felt for Snape now.

  


She knew that with Parkin would be easier - less stressful, sweeter - and she certainly wouldn't have to deal with all the pain, the constant crying, the danger of scandal that a student-teacher relationship could create.

  


But with Skye, there wasn't that something that could get under her skin, that perpetual challenge, because what she felt for the older man went beyond the interest he had shown in the Slytherin girl. Whole orders of magnitude beyond. Skye was a beautiful, sweet girl. She liked her, still did, but not in the way she longed for her mentor. 

  


///

  


The lesson continued without too much trouble. She talked to Skye quietly about more and less and especially about Quidditch. She had never noticed if not just then that Skye's company was so pleasant. It always had been, but there was something different about it. Nicer than usual.

  


With Cora's absence and the ongoing confrontation with Snape, Penny had discovered how calming and truly overwhelming Skye's presence was. Her tales of the Parkin family and Quidditch fascinated Penny so much. 

  


The brown-haired girl giggled and Penny was in peace. Like she was at home, under the covers on the couch watching a Star Trek marathon.

  


It felt so good.

  


Skye didn't hold it against her that she was an arrogant, naive fool.

  


And yet... Yes, there was a damned and  yet .

  


And yet she still couldn't match the desire she had for Snape and that was frustrating.

  


She always kept complicating her life, and never didn't understand the reason.

  


" Why ?" she thought as she prepared her cruet with the contents of the poison to bring to the teacher. " Why am I not with Skye? Why don't I like her as much as I used to? I'm starting to hate the way I only and uniquely desire  -"

  


Her thoughts stopped when she found herself standing in front of Snape, his gaze seemed to hint that he knew what she was thinking and it was scary.

  


She stood for a few seconds too long looking at him, because he raised an eyebrow, impatient.

  


"Here, sir." She handed the cruet to the professor.

  


"Interesting," he said, without even looking at it. "The usual grade, Haywood." His tone was disgruntled.

  


Was it so painful for him to say, "Well done, Penny. You got another Excellent"?

  


The Hufflepuff knew it wasn't in Snape's nature, but she wanted a modicum of recognition sometimes. He only did that when he had to belittle someone else. She was always impressed by his implicit compliments, which still gave her a sense of bitterness in her mouth and stomach.

  


Penny bit her lip, decidedly unhappy to be treated like that by her Potions professor as well. She took her leave with "thank you, sir".

  


Penny didn't smile at him, couldn't do it. She felt too tired.

  


Penny knew she must be used to it - Snape was unalterably like that - but the situation she was experiencing was not a pleasant one and his grumpy, unfriendly manner was not helping.

  


She felt an uncomfortable throbbing in her forehead, the sign of a bloody headache.

She decided that would be enough for today, the constant sound of voices around her was becoming exhausting. 

  


Penny walked away, getting close to the classroom door when she felt herself stagger, almost unable to stand. She leaned against the doorframe with one hand. With the other, she tried to roughly measure whether she had a fever.

  


Felt Snape's gaze on her for a moment as she pressed her palm to her forehead, but as soon as she turned to face him, the man seemed entirely more interested in the extra snake tusks (oh, the ones that had started this whole mess.  Wonderful .) on the counter. 

  


Penny was better off just heading to the nurse's station. She was indeed a bit hot that morning.

  


Madame Pomfrey had been very surprised to see Penny back at her place, but in any case she had gotten her under the covers, placed a wet cloth on her forehead and given her a painkiller that had a fairly slow effect. The ones with fast affect were too tough for her, Madame Pomfrey had told her.

  


"I'm going to go and warn your teachers that you won't be in for the next few hours," she had told her, before leaving.

  


There was no one in the infirmary with her. The faded white place gave her a sense of decadent loneliness that matched Penny's mood perfectly, which also felt terribly hot, so she took her cloak off.

  


If she had more energy, she would have set out to explore the place further. She had very rarely been there, mostly because of curses or dissenters that were around the school. But she was really exhausted and decided to lie there looking up at the ceiling above her until she fell asleep.

  


Penny's eyelids became more and more pensive.

  


///

  


She was sitting by the fountain in the garden. The sound of the fast-flowing water had a calming quality to it. If it had been warmer, she would have craved that water. But it was late September weather, so it was cold enough to make her want to be in her uniform jumper, but not her cape. 

She took a closer look at her clothes. Penny still had "her" Slytherin uniform and platinum blonde hair. She had probably created an alter ego in her dreams, but she didn't understand why. She appreciated being a messy Hufflepuff after all.

  


She rested her hand on the marble bench she was sitting on, there was the jingle of some bracelets on her wrist. It was so cold to the touch, it felt real.

  


She sighed and reflected that she wasn't surprised after all. That was how lucid dreams worked, wasn't it? 

  


But had they always been so realistic?

  


Before she could answer herself, a "Hey" caught her attention. It was an energetic greeting, and it was obvious to find Skye standing in front of her when she turned around. 

  


Penny smiled at her. "Hi," she replied softly.

  


Skye leaned even closer and with mock melodramatics told her, "My hands are cold!" 

  


Penny giggled, "That won't be a problem for Quidditch, I hope!" 

  


"Of course it will! Touch!" And immediately he took her hand. Penny shivered, especially since Skye's hand was indeed freezing, so much so that it made her solvate and retract. But Skye took her hand back.

  


"Oh my God your hands are so warm."

  


The scene seemed almost surreal, if only it wasn't something that had happened before. But not with Skye. It had happened when her friend Scarlett was still alive, when they'd been in the park over Christmas break. Maybe it wasn't just Skye who had made her realise she was bisexual, but with Scarlett she must have repressed her attraction with even more force, repudiation and denial.

  


Skye sat down next to her, their hands together.

  


And Penny didn't know how, but she found herself kissing her. She had to give herself a prize for nonsense dreams.

  


Skye was sweet, delicate. She even caressed her cheek with an attention Penny didn't think was possible. The kiss, however, quickly faded, Penny couldn't hold back what looked like a smile, which was immediately followed by a strange feeling.

  


When they broke away they looked at each other, both their cheeks were flushed, like those of cherubs; Skye's eyes were bright, Penny... Penny didn't know. She didn't understand.

  


Skye smiled. But Penny didn't.

  


Penny knew she would want a thousand more kisses like that, a thousand more caresses, but there was something that confused her.

  


Not her sexual orientation. That she was attracted to girls was established and certain, but that kiss had been unsettling. She'd liked it, loved it. She would have kissed Skye endlessly, if her kisses were always like that, but there was a sense of emptiness that the Quidditch player would never fill. 

  


She opened her eyes again, wide awake. She wasn't as agitated as she had expected to be, in fact she was almost shrouded in a slight numbness and sadness; realising that her attraction to Skye was secondary and wouldn't match her attraction to Snape slightly dissatisfied her. She wasn't used to wanting to take the easy way out, but she knew she needed to protect herself, because with Snape the staircase to some affection was a long and difficult one. Insults and tears would be in the way and she would be devoured by them.

  


She grunted in dissatisfaction as she continued to feel tired (of everything) and wanted to sleep.

  


///

  


She went back to sleep and when she opened her eyes she found herself back on a bed. The lights were slightly dimmer. Strange, she thought, after all, it was still morning. Something was wrong, she told herself, and just then she noticed that she was not alone on the bed. She felt something warm close to her ears and close to her ...  Oh God .

  


From her lips a choked sound was about to come out, but someone put a hand over her mouth.

"Shh ..." The voice was as warm as the hand. It was recognizable and the girl gasped in excitement. Penny felt a line of bare skin pressed against her side. 

  


Was Snape naked? Was  she naked?

  


She heard a whisper near her ear, and shuddered violently, ecstatically, as the miracle-working hand gripped her right ass cheek. His teeth sank into the shell of one ear as the whispers rose into the thick air of the room. It was all so...wet, real.

  


She knew it really wasn't (though the realness of it all managed to make her doubt it), but she wanted to enjoy that fantasy while it lasted.

  


"Sir," she breathed, completely overwhelmed by everything Snape was doing with her body. His lips had moved from her earring and slowly descended down her neck, all the way to her cleavage. 

  


Penny had never done  anything in her entire life. It was normal, given her young age, but some of her classmates had already had sex and sometimes when the conversation went on that topic she felt out of place. 

  


She felt uneasy about her virginity, but it was only a dream after all. The imaginary Snape would never judge her. And since he wasn't real, she could try to see what she could do. It was like a guided, simulated lesson.

  


Yes, she hadn't done anything, but she had imagined. Very much so.

  


"Sir," she found herself moaning again. She tried to kiss him on the lips when he had his mouth away from her skin. It had been a much rougher, raw kiss. She felt it strong, unflinching; just like Snape's temper. When they broke away, she heard him murmur a "Haywood." It was a guttural sound, coming from deep within his throat. As from deep within he seemed to come his need for her. For the first time in weeks her surname was pronounced not with severity or disgust, but with ardour and appreciation. Snape wanted her and her alone in that moment and Penny felt alive and happy.

  


Until she opened her eyes.

  
  


Awake, she felt broken. Again. 

The fantasy was over and there was no one with her. No Skye to caress her cheek, no Snape to let her know how pleasurable carnal intercourse was. 

  


Nothing. She was completely alone. 

  


With the back of a trembling hand, she wiped away the tears she had shed as her subconscious fought against what she knew was real and what was not. Her heart was about to break and there was nothing she could do about it. No one could.

  


"'Severus,' she thought, distressed. Seven letters, private and warm as she touched herself at night, thinking of the forbidden attraction that simply would not go away. The moan of a lover, the confidence of a suitor.

  


Penny didn't deserve to suffer so much for a man and Snape didn't deserve Penny's time. 

  


He had to get closer to her if he wanted to. 

  


And she'd finally figured it out: she had not to use amortentia on Snape. 

  


Penny couldn't interfere with another person's free will. It wasn't her right.

  


Besides, she was no longer so convinced that true love was already present in him.

  


If Snape had feelings for her - anything - she would wait for him. Penny would not have forced him into anything. Patience was one of the best traits of Hufflepuffs, after all. If Snape didn't feel anything for her, however, she would have dealt with it. She would have suffered, a lot even, but there was no point in torturing herself for what she couldn't have. After all, she would have to be reasonable. Rationally, Penny knew she couldn't be angry at him for that. Though she couldn't deny the sour taste of that thought.

  


Snape didn't feel anything for her.

  


Saying it in her mind tore her heart out, and the part that hurt the most was that the statement might have logic.

  


Perhaps he still saw her as a child - he had watched her grow from a tiny eleven-year-old to a young woman of seventeen.

  


The age difference, after all, was there. It hadn't been a problem for her, but that didn't mean it was a problem for him.

  


To keep asking him to love her was also a losing game, because then she would have to say goodbye sooner or later. He would walk away from her and she wouldn't like it. And the very idea hurt even more than the knowledge that she was not loved.

No more gazes directed at her, gazes she didn't always know how to decipher, gazes that filled her nights with alternate realities and divided her days into hard times and harder segments, and she couldn't let that happen, couldn't think beyond that terrifying possibility, couldn't think …

  


Her mind then wandered to Cora, she had reconsidered her initial doubts and had come to the conclusion that making her friends go 

to trouble for a whim was stupid. She couldn't help but feel as she was burned with shame.

  


Cora had always been right and Penny had been too blind to see it, to understand it. The thought of Snape seemed to cloud her reason.

  


She had to apologize to one Slytherin and try to forget another Slytherin.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Happy New Year to everyone and thanks for reading this chapter too!


	9. I beg you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penny reveals her crush on Snape to her friends to find out the truth about her strange dreams. The answer to her questions, however, is very unexpected.  
> The time for apologies also arrives and changes are about to begin.

**  
**

Penny suddenly felt busy: she had to apologise to Cora and find out why those dreams were becoming more vivid, more frequent and almost real. She knew how lucid dreams usually worked, she'd had several of them on Skye too (she blushed violently at the memory), but she didn't mention them. They were plausible too, but not that important.

It was as if she was in another life. A more interesting and desirable life.

  


She wanted to find out more, but didn't know how.

The first person she could think of to ask was Snape himself, and she cursed herself for it.

  


But if it had been a viable option, it wouldn't have been possible in the end because she was still in the nurse's bed and to move she had to get permission.

Which came at noon, when her fever had broken but Madame Pomfrey had still reminded her not to over-exert herself. Penny had nodded and headed off to warn her friends to come to the library with her.

  


///

  
  


"Why did you call us here?" Tonks looked at her curiously. "Do you have any ideas for the next prank?"

  


"No, I... - she froze for a moment, hesitant - had a strange dream about Snape," she had explained to her friends. She avoided talking about the one about Skye, because mainly she was there too. Penny felt her stomach tighten, nervous. Everyone stared at her interdicted.

  


She hadn't thought it could be so embarrassing. There was now discomfort in the air, but if Penny wanted to fully understand what to do she needed to get beyond that. Her friends were the only ones who could help her, she didn't know how else to do it.

  


"What kind of dream?" asked Tulip, clearing her throat. Penny felt her throat go dry and didn't answer. Her cheeks flushed and were obvious to the eye.

  


This implied more than she intended.

  


Her friends, except for Talbott, couldn't hide a giggle. 

  


"So that's why you were hot this morning!" joked Skye, Penny seemed to choke.

  


She didn’t mean  that , Haywood, calm down.

  


"I didn't think your fake crush would go this far," Jae observed, his lips slightly curved as well.

  


Penny shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "Actually," she blushed heavily, "it's not that fake. 

  


The others looked at her surprised, but said nothing.

Her friends knew she liked Snape, but they thought it was more the admiration one felt for a mentor than an actual love interest. Upon discovering the true facts, however, their reaction was almost...positive. They could have said worse, she knew.

  


"That's to be expected," said Charlie, smiling. "Now let's find out what the secret is that makes you stand him”.

  


Penny wasn't going to explain to them again why Snape was actually a wonderful teacher to her, but she just chuckled.

  


"So you've called us here to tell us in detail what you dream about or-" began Andre, who genuinely didn't understand why they had ever gotten together.

  


"Of course not!" Penny blushed, "It's just that they were... so vivid. Like I was in another dimension..."

  


"It sounds like science fiction, like Star Trek," observed Ben Cooper, who had been quiet for most of the time. It left everyone, except Penny, confused because they didn't know what Star Trek was. The Hufflepuff girl thought that maybe she should organize a trip to the Muggle world for her friends. They had a lot to learn…

  


Ben, feeling uncomfortable, tried to bring the conversation back to the main topic. "Have you tried asking any of the teachers, Penny?"

  


He obviously meant to ask without specifying that it was a sex dream, as any person with reasoning would have done, but it was not understood.

  


"The first person who came to mind was Snape,  oh God ," she said, a sense of heaviness kneading her voice as well. "He would have kicked me out of his office immediately, or rather exiled me for life."

  


"Or maybe he would have made your dream come true," Tonks winked at her, playfully. Penny unfortunately didn't share the same mirth, but she sketched a tugged smile.

  


"Anyway, maybe if we look through the books we'll find some information..." considered Talbott.

  


"Good idea!"

  


///

  


After half an hour of searching, Andre found something in a dusty old book that looked like it hadn't been opened in ages. Strange that it wasn't in the forbidden section.

  


"They say here that the theory of other dimensions is a great meeting point between Muggle science and magic. In fact, it is said that muggles have theorized the existence of alternate realities, but have never explored any. Wizards, on the other hand, may have this ability, but it is a very rare thing."

  


"Penny has a special power of her own!" exclaimed Banarby happily, his gaze gleaming. His friends shared the delighted look.

  


"Yes, as I am metamorphmagus, you can travel between dimensions." 

Tonks was beaming, Madam Pince from afar signalled her to be quiet.

  


"But, guys, I'm not sure - Penny shrugged - It's unlikely that I could be so...particular. I think there must be another explanation." She didn't really believe she had a special ability, especially given the fact that she wasn't completely pureblood. Perhaps the company of a certain Slytherin had influenced her in a negative way (Snape and his continued disdain for anything relegated to Muggles), but she thought only purebloods could be more complete.

  


Stupid, stupid idea. It was enough for her to see Ben, Tonks, herself, and so many others....

  


Still, a little voice reminded her, Harry Potter had defeated Voldemort, and he was a half-blood. Just like her.

  


Speaking of the boy who survived, she remembered seeing him very rarely. Sometimes she saw him in the corridors, but nothing more. In early September she had seen him during the sorting ceremony. He'd been placed in Gryffindor and, even though she was a Hufflepuff, she'd applauded warmly as the boy went to the table of his new housemates. Needless to say, she felt great admiration for Harry Potter, as did all her friends. The same could not be said for Snape, however, who had seemed more moody than usual since that day. And it had been that way all year. 

  


She sketched a smile, perhaps she wasn't the only cause of his perpetual frown.

  


No, you kissed him knowing full well he's your teacher , a mischievous little voice in her head reminded her.

  


Goodbye smile.

  


Unaware of her mental conjecture, Talbott asked Andre. "What should this power be called, anyway?"

  


"Shifting Reality. Those who possess it are called reality shifters. Those in this group of people have to be very careful, because travelling between dimensions can be dangerous, but as it is a very rare condition there is nothing specific to avoid. They mention not creating permanent links between one reality and another, because with the coexistence of two realities they may come closer together, and perhaps one may want to conquer the other. In that case a crisis would arise that would destroy both.”

  


"Hmm, I'm not sure I'm a reality shifter," Penny murmured, placing the leather bookmark under her chin in thoughtlessness. "I wonder if there's a way to find out..."

  


"Sleep, I guess," speculated Jae.

  


Penny huffed, "but I've already been doing that all afternoon. It's going to take me ages before I fall back asleep."

  


"Try studying the history of magic and have a glass of warm milk, it helps. Trust me." smiled Banarby at her.

  


///

  


Penny put on her beloved jumper with smiling electrons printed on it and some grey sweatpants. She thought that the more comfortable she dressed, the more she would be able to fall asleep. 

  


She lay down on the bed and waited for her eyelids to close.

  


When she woke up, she was still on her bed. No, maybe she had not been able to shifted. Penny sighed in disappointment, but knew she was right: she had no special power. She was just Penny Haywood, a simple Hufflepuff girl, good at potions and who occasionally went in search of the Cursed Vaults, nothing more.

  


A sense of bitterness welled up in her. She had hoped, after all, to be special. Not like the infamous Harry Potter, but at least to have some special characteristics.

  


She thought this, until she stretched and sat on the bed, noticing that her hair was platinum blonde.

  


Oh, so she had managed to shifted. It was a real thing, maybe.

  


Penny stood up and began to look around, investigatively.

Everything in her dormitory looked as usual, but she saw what must have been a small box, one of those where a piece of jewellery could usually be found. It was white and had a note on it of the same colour, but with gold writing.

  


"From myself to me" she read aloud. In that dimension she must be rich enough to afford anything, she thought. 

  


She opened the box and saw a gold chain inside, with a stone as a pendant. It was rose quartz, she noticed. It was often used in spells about love and self-esteem. 

  


Penny decided that since it was there, she might as well wear it.

  


She looked in the mirror after putting it on (it took a while, the clips were really small) and noticed that it didn't look bad at all. The pink of the quartz matched the redness of her cheeks.

  


When she went to put the box back, she noticed that there was another note in it, which was nothing more than the invoice. He had bought the necklace from one of those "sell - buy gold" stores. The name, Brando's, was familiar to her: she knew that those in dire financial straits would pawn their possessions there.

  


She caught a glimpse of the name of the former owner, Eileen Prince. 

  


Before she could lose herself in mental conjecture, a loud noise woke her up.

"Penny!" squeaked a voice. The blonde turned: it was her sister Beatrice. 

  


"Hmm," she murmured, still not fully awake. Her voice slurred with sleep. "It's you, Bea," she observed, trying to bring the situation into focus.

  


"I didn't knowyou were asleep" Bea said casually, in what seemed to be an excuse, sitting down in the bed next to hers. "Nice necklace, by the way. Where did you get it?" Beatrice said nervously. She was obviously tergiversing, trying to be nice to her in one of the rare times that had happened since they'd drifted apart.

  


Penny's eyes widened. She immediately lowered her gaze. She was stunned.

  


How…

  


How was that possible?

  


That she had unwittingly made a connection between that reality and her own?

  


"Are you all right?" snapped Beatrice annoyed. "Snape told me to ask you. Actually he ordered me to, he almost yelled at me. He also said something about a theft...."

  


Her sister's voice became a muffled sound and Penny stopped following her speech.

  


"It’s ...," Penny was distracted and answered haphazardly, too engrossed in the spiked necklace on her neck. 

  


"Are you here among us, Penny?" her sister asked, as the older of the two stood up to look at herself in the mirror.

  


Penny looked at her reflection, still unable to believe it. She then touched the necklace. For a fraction of a second she thought the chain might pass through her fingers, as if it were made of some incorporeal substance, but it was cold to the touch.

  


"O-god, it's real. It exists," she said to herself, as if to make it concrete in her mind as well.

  


"Professor Snape? Unfortunately, yes," Beatrice commented. "Can I go tell him you're okay?"

  


Penny snapped back to reality. "Um, yes."

  


The smaller of the two headed for the door and opened it. When she was about to leave, she stopped at the doorway and turned around. Finally on her face was a genuinely concerned face.

  


"Are you sure? Is everything alright?"

  


Penny nodded, "Yes, in fact: you stay here. I'll go to him." she replied in a more assertive tone.

  


///

  


If Snape wanted to know about her situation, she would have headed to him herself. She still had a task to do, and she was surprised at how much time she had taken before doing it, since it was so important. 

  


She had to end that situation: for herself, for Cora.

  


The Hufflepuff common room was close to the Potions lab, it wouldn't take her long to get there. She adjusted the necklace under her shirt, the chain was cool against the skin of her chest. The fake notebook in her hand, she slipped into Snape's classroom.

  


The doorway behind her closed noisily, which made Snape look up at her. He was gruff and surly as usual, but not completely furious, which was good.

  


"Haywood," he said. It wasn't a question, just the cold realization that she was there - and the implied message that she should leave quickly.

  


"Do you think you're so  special  that you can ignore the rules of the castle?" Surely he was referring to the time. It was definitely late.

  


Penny nevertheless smiled at him.

"I'm not Harry Potter, sir." She knew the boy was sent in punishment for staying up late. 

  


"I really couldn't tell if that's better or worse," he said sarcastically. If his intent was to hurt her, he didn't succeed. " But that doesn't take away from the fact that you're in my Class. At nine fifty at night. You should be in your dormitory now. "

  


"It'll only take a moment, sir." Penny walked over to the desk where the professor was correcting essays. She placed herfake notebook on the table. She waved her wand, trying to remember the spell to reverse it, and the transfigured object reverted to a jar of moonwater.

  


"I knew you and Mirs Sanders were the perpetrators of the moonwater theft," he remarked, displeased and sour.

  


"I'm so sorry." 

Penny blushed and lowered her gaze. Only then she realised that her legs were shaking and it was obvious to everyone in the room - that is, just the two of them, but it remains.

Snape stood up, towering over her and Penny continued to feel so small and vulnerable. He was getting closer and closer and the Hufflepuff saw her own personal space wavering. Trembling and backing away, Snape sneered.

"Tomorrow as punishment I expect you to be at my office at 3:00 pm.”

  


“But it’s saturday-”

  


“Oh? How can the poor Haywood party now?  So sorrowful .”

  


Penny didn’t replay and Snape, glad he managed to hurt her, continued: “ I am in no mood to tolerate delays, especially from you. Don't expect that just because you were honest or most likely just driven by mere guilt, you two won't get what you are owed." 

  


The girl looked up and bravely spoke, "Sir, wait." Penny interrupted his speech - which was rare. Snape was often very terse and concise. "I know I'm in no position to ask for favours, but I beg you - her voice seemed to break - don't punish Cora as well."

  


"Why should I not do it? Why should I let  you tell me what to do?" he scorned what she had told him, maliciously. "It also seems to me that Mrs Sanders has skipped enough punishments"

  


"But this time is different, believe me. I - she seemed to freeze, her gaze lost - I tricked her. It's all my fault."

  


"Explain yourself".

  


"She... when she helped me steal from his lab, Cora really believed she was doing a good deed, not like-"

  


"Like?"

  


Snape seemed to take it from Penny's lips, but in reality he wanted her to be ashamed of everything she had done, to suffer-not out of some strange sense of respect he had begun to feel towards Cora, but just out of pure sadism. Penny had stolen from him and she had to pay.

  


Penny blushed violently and swallowed before speaking. "Like amortentia."

  


The air seemed to chill between the two. Snape looked sourly at Penny. Was she really that desperate? To him, no less? A strange tingling sensation seemed to stir in his stomach, but he ignored it. 

  


Disgusting.

  


The Hufflepuff, however, continued:

"So, please, leave Cora alone. I'll take his workload if you want. I know you’re a great professor and a good person at heart, so please understand," she pleaded, almost crying.

  


"Don't think you can pity me with those tears and your mellifluous flattery. They don't work on me," he turned, turning his gaze to the desk.

  


He then cast her a glance and turned again to front her, crossing his arms.

  


"But I may need to think about it." 

  


In  Snapeyan parlance, that meant an almost yes.

  


Penny had gone from tears to beaming with joy. She was going to save her friendship with Cora at last, she couldn't wish for anything better. She was so happy that she ran and hugged Snape.

  


A smudge moved from her heart. Snape had unintentionally helped her, but that didn't curb her sense of gratitude.

  


"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" She even gave him a kiss on the cheek, exuberantly. The potions master growled, annoyed. 

  


Snape remained still, rigid. He passed a hand over her back, and naively Penny thought he was about to return the hug, but the sullen professor grabbed her by the back of her hoodie and shoved her away. 

  


"Haywood," his tone was subtle but not necessarily any less harsh. "We've been over this."

  


Snape looked at her coldly. 

  


"I-I didn't think, I - "

  


"As usual," he interrupted and sneered at her. "You didn't think before you went to steal the moonwater, you didn't think now either. The poor little mind of the popular Penny Haywood just doesn't get it that someone can't be attracted to her for obvious reasons, does it?"

  


Penny felt something break in her again. Tears tried to fall, but she angrily chased them away. She wanted and needed to know, she yearned to finally have her suspicions confirmed.

  


"Is it - is it true?" she asked him, an angry grimace on her face. "I wish I knew those obvious reasons, because they are not so obvious, apparently."

  


Snape opened his mouth, but closed it again - as if he didn't know what to answer, and the girl felt a brief sense of hope within her. 

  


It was short-lived because his severe gaze did not betray his name.

  


Penny couldn't tell if he was annoyed or indignant by the question, though. 

  


"You'd better go now, or I won't be held responsible for my actions from now on. I don't want to see you again until tomorrow, understand? You've taken far too much of my free time, Haywood."

  


And Snape had taken far too many of Penny's fragments as well. 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> Thanks as always for reading so far!!!  
> So yes, those who like me frequent tik tok know what shifting reality is (I tried it a couple of times for our friend Snapey too 👀) and it's not quite as narrated in this story. Here I wanted to make it an existing magical ability and who knows, it might make things more interesting in the future....  
> In this chapter towards the end I decided I also wanted to deal with Penny's change of character towards Snape, even though it didn't even last a single scene now. It's a process that I think has to come slowly, Penny has to go from sottona (it's an Italian word for a girl who would do ANYTHING to make her significant one happy. Obviously there is also its male counterpart.) to someone who can hold her own against Snape.  
> In the other years she managed to survive by cheering up even Snape's sarcasm, but now that he is bent on taking her away from him at any cost, Penny has to start protecting herself more.  
> Tell me what you think!! <3


	10. Meet Harry

**  
**

  


  


That morning it was Penny who had made her way to the Slytherin table. Light and dark eyes glared at her. Maybe it was because she wasn't pureblood, maybe it was because they had heard of her stealing from the Head of Their House, she didn't know and didn't care.

  


All she cared about was the opinion of one particular Slytherin at that moment. She so hoped that their friendship hadn't ended and fallen apart, pieces. And if it ever did, she would put the utmost care and dedication into reattaching those pieces, one by one, so that she could get back what she and Cora had before.

  


"Cora?" Penny called to her, trembling. The Slytherin didn't turn around.

  


She cleared her throat and tried again, "Cora?"

  


Still nothing.

  


Penny was tense, breathing hard. She had never felt her muscles get so stiff, but at the same time they gave her a feeling of instability. She thought she was going to faint soon, so she sat down on the bench next to Cora.

  


"Coraline Sanders," she then called Cora by her full name, which made the Slytherin turn to look at her, an annoyed expression on her face. 

  


"What is it?" Cora asked her, coldly. She picked up a knife and began buttering her slice of toast.

  


"I went to Snape and told him the truth," she began, feeling her stomach ache. Cora's expression turned surprised. "I told him that I wanted to steal the moonwater for the Amortentia and that above all you are innocent, and I asked him not to punish or expel you."

  


Cora sighed. "Unlikely he won't, but -" she froze, then finally decided to look into Penny’s eyes. Her gaze was decidedly less hard than it had been a few days ago. "But thank you, Penny."

  


The Hufflepuff smiled at her and shrugged. "Well, you're a Slytherin, he won't do that."

  


"Expelling me has been on his wishlist for ages, but I'm glad you admitted your faults and stood up for me." There was a lightness in the tone of Cora's voice that managed to take away all the tension Penny had been feeling ever since she had gotten out of bed that morning.

  


"Yes, it was what was right to do. For you and our friendship." Penny had never been so serious and so sure of her words in her life. The Slytherin placed her toast on the plate. Penny felt the silence take her breath away, her heart beating too fast with excitement and her stomach aching.

  


But Cora smiled, and everything seemed to fade away. Her lips softly parted, her eyes energetic and cheerful. Penny's face lit up.

"I've missed you, Penny," Cora said hugging her. The Hufflepuff happily returned the hug, holding her close.

  


Penny had missed her friend's soft shoulder, the feel of Cora's earring on her cheek, the knowledge that she had a best friend by her side. 

  


"Don't ever do that again," Cora murmured, her face buried in Penny's shoulder. "Please don't. It made me feel terrible," there was still a trace of melancholy in her tone. Penny pulled away from her, but kept her arms still behind her back. He smiled at her and denied it with his head. "I won't do it again. I promise."

  


She smiled beaming at the thought of getting a pebble off her shoe. Her stomach, however, was less cheerful as it growled with hunger.

  


"Aren't you eating?" Cora asked her motherly. 

  


Penny shook her head. "I don't feel like it, Snape grounded me. Again." she said morosely. 

  


"That's crap!" Cora drank her herbal tea.

  


Penny huffed and crossed her arms. "Yeah. I've never gotten in as much trouble as I did this year. And last years I used to go searching the Cursed Vaults with you! Not that I regret it, but I know I should have risked more punishment before than now." 

  


"It's just that you're no longer Snape's protégé..." murmured Cora distractedly, turning her attention to her buttered slice of toast.

  


"What?" was Penny's surprised reaction. Right now, the only Snape who seemed to have any affection for her was the one from the other dimension. Oh, she should have mentioned this to Cora, but now was not the time. It was so nice to have found a friendship again, she didn't want to ruin her joy with more problems and worries.

  


"Once, when I had to go to Dumbledore for the classic end-of-year scolding - her tone was ironic - I was in the portaints’ area and I heard from afar Snape telling Dumbledore that you were innocent and that I was the bad company. That's why you never got into trouble. And Dumbledore trusts him, which is strange, given the rumours about him."

  


"What rumours? The ones about him being a vampire?" Penny looked at her questioningly, narrowing her eyes and shifting her face back.

  


"Also, but I don't think that's very likely," Continued Cora and Penny nodded, "I think the rumor of him being a Death Eater is more true.”

  


Penny shook her head. "I don't think it's founded, actually."

  


"Do you?" Cora looked at her suspiciously. 

  


"Just because he always wears black, is pureblood*, and isn't conventionally nice, doesn't mean he has to be a Death Eater."

  


"He's also my head of house, I know all his speeches about the superiority of purebloods," asserted Cora confidently.

  


Penny found herself unaware of the argument for Snape's innocence and instinctively said, "It's only because it's something Slytherins like."

  


"I don't," the Slytherin replied frostily, as if she had taken issue with it. "I don't think you're inferior to me, or that Ben is. Not at all."

  


Penny replied with a feeble "I'm sorry," and Cora continued: "Besides, Snape has dealings with the Death Eaters. He said Merula's family is  respectable . Although I love her very much, I recognise that her family is not the best: it is full of Death Eaters."

  


"Just her parents," Penny corrected.

  


"Yes, but Snape considers them respectable. Think about it." Cora gave her a look that seemed to imply she knew better.

  


"Maybe," she replied uncertainly, trying to shut down that kind of conversation.

  


The Hufflepuff didn't want to get into another fight with Cora over Snape, so she tried to change the subject.

  


"Anyway I told him the exact opposite of what he thinks last night. That I was the bad company and you were the innocent victim." Penny laughed, no mirth in her laughter though.

  


"We've ruined that man's certainty," Cora joked and Penny giggled, genuinely this time, along with her.

  


"Anyway, are you sure I shouldn't come along this afternoon? If I didn't go, it would probably make my situation worse." The Slytherin's expression became uncertain. They had the Newts that year and it would be awful for Cora to fail.

  


Penny shook her head and put her hands on her hips. "You're not to blame. I'll remind him of that if he complains about your absence."

  


"Well, at best he might call me into the Common Room," Cora thought aloud.

  


The Hufflepuff snorted. "I hate Snape," Penny felt the sour edge of the lie in her tongue. It wasn't true at all, but it was better for her to convince herself of that.

It was for her survival.

  


Cora looked at her in surprise. "You've finally come out of the dark side of the force," she murmured, her eyes widening, "Uh, see, I even mentioned Star Trek!"

  


"Actually it's Star Wars, but I appreciate it anyway," Penny smiled at her.

  


\\\\\

  


Penny, after finishing her homework, that morning called Cora, who had a crash course on reality shifting and the Slytherin set up a meeting of the Circle of Khanna.

Penny was the first to speak, re-explaining reality shifting to those not present before and talking about the necklace as a possible interlude between two dimensions and maybe a dangerous artifact too.

When she placed the necklace on the table, everyone looked at it in amazement. 

  


"'So this is the link between two worlds,” pondered Talbott, his hand under his chin in a thoughtful attitude.

  


Merula's comment, "You actually created an interlude? So you really are a moron!" was obviously taken in dislike, but indeed it was the thought of everyone in there.

  


"I think I messed up," Penny was uncomfortable in her chair. "It hasn't given any trouble so far though..."

  


" For now ," Skye pointed out, her arms crossed, a less than docile expression on her face. Penny couldn't disagree as to why Skye was upset: the Hufflepuff had potentially put everyone in danger. At least, the quidditch player wasn’t angry at Penny, just at her action.

  


"So? The next Cursed Vault?" asked Ismelda meanwhile, who kept huffing and puffing and wondering what she was still doing there and why she wasn't leaving and poisoning everyone. 

  


"Now we're talking about the shifting reality," Chiara Lobosca told her firmly, not at all intimidated by Ismelda's aggressive attitude.

  


"Which could be important in the search for the cursed vaults," Cora added, everyone's eyes on her. Banarby looked at her confused and asked, "In what way?"

  


"We could get the people from the other dimension to tell us if they already have any details about the last hall," the Slytherin girl continued. "Which has to be done in a safe way. The presence of the necklace in this dimension can become dangerous."

  


Ben Cooper, who had his arms crossed, in a firm and adamant stance, asked her, "So what do you plan to do?"

  


"I think Penny should go back to sleep, return to the other dimension and return the necklace. Also if it's not too difficult she could research information about the Vault." Cora declared pragmatically, with the spirit of a true leader. Her ability to lead everyone had been great for six years in a row. This year, too, there was no doubt that she would lead everyone brilliantly to the Final Vaults. 

"But I think there's a little problem," Penny began, almost as if she were embarrassed. 

Everyone had turned their eyes on her, and although she generally liked to be the centre of attention, she didn't like that. Her cheeks were reddish and she moved her hands nervously.

  


"And that would be?" Merula rolled her eyes, annoyed by this hindrance.  What had she been up to again, that strange half-blood ?

  


"Can we give you a hand?", Charlie asked her instead, looking worried. 

  


"No, I don't think so, sorry. I belive I'm not in full control of this power yet." Penny preferred to omit the fact that she could shift best when she found herself intensely attracted to a person, as in the example of Skye or Snape. So her power probably manifested when she felt strong emotions. But she remembered that she had also been able to do this by her own volition, so nothing was certain yet. Penny was definitely testing the waters and trying to figure out what was between her abilities or not.

  


Cora simply shrugged and said, "Take your time. There's no rush for the moment."

  


Strangely enough, no curse had yet occurred to suggest the need for an urgent search (more than usual, that is) for another Cursed Vault, but it was always best to be vigilant and try to be prepared for any eventuality. 

  


The talk seemed to be over, so the group moved on to another topic. "Do you guys know they want to do...what did they call it now? Sex education?" asked Tonks uncertainly.

  


Penny remembered when she did it in Muggle primary school. She had definitely been shocked by the subject as a child. At nine years old she was a firm believer in babies being born from under cabbages.

  


"Yeah, they should do it during Valentine's Day," Charlie nodded. "Last year they had themed lessons, this year they're giving us sex education." The Weasley didn't look thrilled. They weren't going to talk about dragons in those lessons, which would have annoyed him enough.

  


"I wonder if they'll do specialised lessons for us who also have non-human forms," was Clare's murmur. Talbott next to her nodded, finding himself agreeing with her.

  


"I've heard that some parents want to oppose it, though. They say even Lucius Malfoy is against it," Badeea observed.

  


"What do you mean they want to oppose it?" asked Penny indignantly. "It's everyone's right to know how it really works, to know the risks and how to avoid them !"

  


"They prefer to do it their way, you know..." tried Andre for an explanation.

  


"And maybe their way is the least informed and most bigoted of all. It's not fair!" protested the Hufflepuff girl again, huffing and crossing her arms. 

  


"But I thought it wasn't aimed at first years..." observed Jae, picking up on Badeea's speech about Lucius Malfoy, who seemed worried that his son Draco would find out quickly how he came into the world.

  


"No, it's addressed to everyone. The heads of the houses should do it, in theory." replied Tulip linearly, who was absent-mindedly following the conversation. She didn't really care much if they had done it or not, sex education.

  


"Oh God, Snape talking about sex and pregnancies is the last thing I want to hear in my entire life!" complained Cora, sinking back into her chair. She was definitely too tired to deign to have any composure. "This is going to be so boring, he's really slow when he talks!"

  


"Yeah," Merula surprisingly agreed, "It's definitely going to be his most boring class."

  


Penny's pout turned into a laugh. "Hmm, I think not. I imagine Snape to be  too  dramatic. Like, 'You're having sex? You will die! You’re thinking about having sex? You will and you'll die!'" she did a decent imitation of Snape's vocal cadence and her other friends laughed with her.

  


"If Sprout doesn't make metaphors of flowers and bees I'll be outraged," Tonks giggled. The other Hufflepuffs approved amusedly.

  


\\\\\

  


The meeting with the Circle of Khanna was over and she also had lunch. All that remained was for her to go and serve her punishment.

  


Penny went down into the dungeons huffing and puffing (as a true hufflepuff), hating the fact that she would have to face another punishment with Snape. He, she remembered, had asked her to forget him, but how could she do that when he was constantly meddling in her life like that and always grounding her with him? He could always have sent her to clean the chamber pots, or to work with the Elves in the kitchens. But he always wanted her in the Potions' class or in his office. Close to him.

  


He seemed to want to watch her suffer. She couldn't stand it. Penny would have gladly started the Anti-Snape club, but that would be another excuse to talk about him.

  


When she entered the laboratory, it seemed as if the atmosphere had become darker. Only really a few candles were lit, and they were the ones near Snape and the cauldron that was steaming at the moment. In fact, a large deep green trail seemed to join the white steam in the room, giving it that sinister air. The fact that Snape's dark, slender shadow seemed to fit so well into the scenery made it almost theatrical. The sound of boiling liquid Penny found it very soothing. That was why she loved potions, they gave her a sense of calm and tranquility that no one else could give her.

  


Penny would have loved to get close to the cauldron and see what kind of poison (from the colour and smell, it definitely wasn't a harmless potion) her teacher in particular was creating, but she had realised from recent events that it was probably best to stay far enough away. She preferred to watch him from the doorframe: he was waving his wand, as in the final stage of any potion, to activate it. 

  


Feeling that the vapours were making her sweat, she instinctively grabbed the collar of her uniform and pulled it down a little, as if that gesture would prevent her from feeling hot and involuntarily she showed her necklace. It was just then that Snape looked her up and down, a contemptuous look on his face. Snape lingered on the necklace, but his lips remained tight and he said nothing. 

  


"Here I am, Professor," Penny declared her presence, stepping closer, as if the sound of her footsteps, which had grown heavy with nervousness, had not been enough.

  


Snape ignored her, "I see that Miss Sanders is not here."

  


"True, sir," she nodded, "But she would have no reason to. She's not to blame, you know that," she looked at him intently, ready to answer any unfounded accusations against Cora.

  


"I thought only Miss Coraline Sanders could feel such contempt for authority, to the extent of matching her brother and James Potter," Snape declared, stopping looking at her, as if the sight of her was repulsive. "But you are no less, either, Haywood."

  


"Despite recent events, I don't feel like I've been a bad student in the past," Penny observed, her hands clasped together in front of her. She almost looked like she was imitating the classic stance of her Potions' teacher, but really she was just doing it because she felt more comfortable.

  


He looked at her as if she had told the biggest lie of all time. "Need I remind you of your participation in the search for the Cursed Vaults in the past years? Or maybe about your business in counterfeit alcohol, hmm?" he pestered her, raising an eyebrow. He snickered at Penny's disappointed expression.

  


"Well, that is, I..." The Hufflepuff mouthed, at a loss for words.

  


"You should thank  whoever it was who protected you. I'm guessing they won't be so forgiving of you now." 

  


Penny swallowed. Snape had just given her confirmation that he would no longer have her back, which was basically bad.

"Yeah," she shifted uncomfortably, starting to stretch her left ankle, nervous. It was a big problem, that one.

  


She tried to change the subject. "Anyway, my punishment. That's what I'm here for. Remember, sir?"

  


Snape glared at her. "Of course," he spat, his tongue poisoned with sarcasm, "Your job will be to look after the supply of ingredients."

  


Penny looked at him puzzled, wondering why he had assigned her such a task. She had stolen from the stash, and now she had to deal with it? It sounded like madness. Wasn't Snape afraid she'd steal from there again? And it was also an extremely easy task, to be honest. So why? The answers were not long in coming. Snape grinned as if he knew the content of his thoughts:

  


"You will find it impressive how many students will attempt to steal ingredients for even a Cure Bubble Potion," the mocking smile on his face increased as he watched Penny's astonished expression. "You will also have to do this all year round, whenever I deem it necessary."

  


Oh. Now that was a problem.

That punishment would have been a great plan to ruin her grades for Newt. If his desire had become to make her fail, well, he would most likely succeed.

  


"I also got permission from the headmaster to be able to call you in the morning as well. He didn't turn a blind eye to your reprehensible behaviour either, Miss Haywood."

  


Was that really the case? Penny knew that sometimes Snape went out of his way to make his students feel worse. And Penny also knew she must be used to it, but those words had a corrosive effect on her feelings for him. It made her realize why she needed to protect herself, more and more.

  


"You are now dismissed." he said coldly, no longer looking at her.

  


"Oh sure, goodb-what? Is that all? Don't I have to do something?" The surprised expression on Penny's face returned.

  


Was everything really still that easy?

  


"Not for now. But  don't worry , I'll find something to keep you busy soon." Snape gave her what could only be a sneer and Penny realised it was probably best to leave quickly, before he changed his mind.

  


She still had one last thing to say to him, though. She paused in the doorway.

  


"Sir?" laughed Penny, unable to look him in the eye again. She was feeling annoyingly shy and awkward again.

  


"What more do you want, Haywood?" he barked.

  


"I just wanted to say that I know it was you who helped me over the years and...thank you." She gave him a warm and sincere smile, her tone of voice soft.

  


"I don't know what you mean. If I wanted to hear you say something random, I would have given you a Babbling Beverage." It was amazing how tremendously elegant Snape managed to look even when he rolled his eyes and his face took on a contrite, spaced-out expression.

  


Tremendously disappointed, but with a detached manner.

  


Of course, what a fool, she thought. Snape would never admit to anyone that he was helping a student - especially not a Slytherin student.

  


A small smile formed on her face. "Yeah," he said distractedly, closing the door behind him.

  


She couldn't see it, but his lips absent-mindedly curled slightly as well. 

  


\\\\\

  


Penny couldn't shift and, despite Cora's reassurances, she felt really bad. Besides, from Monday onwards she was really busy: Snape called her for anything he didn't feel like doing and delegated it to her.

Earlier he had asked her to collect some ingredients for the Skele-Gro. It hadn't been difficult, not least because he had given her permission to have Banarby help her.

  


Snape had probably thought Lee would be more of a burden than a help, but the young man had disappointed his Head of House's expectations and had been an exceptional helper.

  


The only embarrassing thing was when Banarby, innocent little being that he was, said without thinking too much about it: "I'm having a three-way with the head of my house and one of my best friends. Can’t wait to tell my parents about it".

Someone had to explain him what was exactly a three-way and yes, that was horrible.

Then it had fallen to her to help with Snape's hours during his classes (and she didn't even think it was legal, all that, but Hogwarts was her second home and she knew that evading punishment had expulsion as another route) and that was really stressful. Especially when first year Gryffindors were around. She remembered her first day with them: a certain Neville Longbottom was really in denial and his cauldron had exploded, sending Snape into a rage.

  


"You idiot!" he had shouted, and seemed to refrain from hurling even worse insults.

  


Penny had never seen him so angry. She could see the vein in his neck swell, showing the teeth in a snarl that Penny thought would make even You Know Who cry. Penny had rushed over to wipe away the little Gryffindor's tears. It was on the one hand slightly comforting and on the other hand demeaning and disgusting that she was not the only victim of Snape's temper. The Hufflepuff would decide that she would be around Neville quite often to help him with potions. 

  


It had been nice, though, getting to meet the infamous Harry Potter. He really was a sweet kid.

  


"I'd be so much happier going to Potions if you were there instead of that big bat," Harry told her sweetly (and with a small amount of rancour towards Snape). His friend Ron, who was Bill and Charlie's younger brother, agreed. You could tell they were siblings by the red hair and bubbly personality. For Penny, Ron Weasley was almost a celebrity too. "You're brilliant," they continued, admiringly, and even their supposed friend Hermione Granger nodded in agreement. 

  


During those lessons, however, Penny had seen first hand how much Snape despised Gryffindors, especially Harry Potter. Every reason was good to denigrate him and his house and Penny couldn't help but find it all so unfair.

  


Snape was definitely biased by some external factor that the Hufflepuff girl definitely ignored and he was definitely not objective in his judgments.

  


It was also enough to see how he obviously favoured his beloved Slytherin, especially that Draco Malfoy. Penny remembered when Lucius Malfoy had arrived to inspect Hogwarts and had asked Cora and Merula to look after little Draco, then not yet eleven years old. As she passed through the desks, Penny had overheard Malfoy mention that Snape was her godfather, which meant two things about her beloved Potions professor: first, that for him, nepotism would never go out of style and second, that he most likely had a very close relationship with Lucius Malfoy, who was rumoured to be a Death Eater. 

  


Penny felt her breath slow at the thought. Could it be that Snape was also a Death Eater? That Cora was actually right? The rumor was out there, but maybe there was a possibility that it was false. Just like the one during her first year where they said Snape was going to dye his hair platinum blonde.

  


Right?

  


But why be friends with a Death Eater if you're not a Death Eater? She felt her stomach clench at the thought. After all, Snape only favoured Slytherins (except for Cora), preferably pure-bloods, but would he have gone as far as being in favour of Muggles’ death?

  


Would he have favored Ben's death as well? Of her father? Of the highly intelligent Hermine? She had only just met her, but she already knew Granger was a genius for her age. Of anyone else dear to her or not who had been Muggle-born?

  


Penny couldn't imagine Snape coming to be so cruel. No, he wasn't,  he couldn't.

  
  


  


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Snape never said to anyone that he’s halfblood. At least, not to Penny.
> 
> Hiiii!  
> Thank you for reading this chapter too. Seriously, you always fill me with joy!!! < 3   
> Finally our two bff's made up and even managed to find a way to harness Penny's powers. And...the sex education lessons! Wait for them in the Saint Valentine chapter :p  
> I got Penny and the Golden Trio together (and Draco too lol) and I know I know: it lasted really few lines, but I think it needs to be a gradual thing. Also, I don't know when to make the role of Harry and his friends central, at least in terms of Penny's point of view.   
> I have quite a few subplots open at the moment, I know, but I'm closing them. All of them. Don't worry. Lmao.  
> Thanks again for reading and tell me what you think!!!  
> Byee, love yaaa


	11. Once you're dead, there's no going back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that if MC is female, then Rowan is too. But I prefer his male version, so in my ff he will be a boy.

**  
  
**

It is well known even in the wizarding world that if something can go wrong, it will, for sure, go wrong, a bit like when walking with a plate containing jam toast, you stumble, and it is certain that the bread will fall in the direction of the jam.

  


It was precisely according to this principle that Severus Snape defined his life: a bad joke of fate. He thought so when the aforementioned toast fell from his hands while he was sitting at the teachers' table and the jam stained his trousers. He muttered a few insults to himself. 

  


Flitwick, who had heard and especially seen him, handed him a napkin. Snape thanked his colleague, but his tone of voice was disgruntled. He took no pride in being caught with his trousers soaked in blueberry jam. And especially of being caught being distracted, but at least fortunately his fellow Ravenclaw couldn't imagine what -  who \- had pulled his attention away from the toast. 

  


The day was going badly and it had only just begun.

  


According to the potionist, it was in fact quite obvious that someone, probably very bored, had found it playful to destroy his existence, making it a constant mockery of him, and of one thing he was certain moreover: if he ever found the poor unfortunate playing with his fate, Merlin himself would not be able to define his fate, but he could certainly guarantee that it would be very, very, painful. 

  


Just as painfully as the joyous Hufflepuff had drawn his attention. She always had, from the early years when she had proved herself a great aspiring potionist. But Snape's attentions had always been platonic, in his mind there was nothing more than a well-concealed pride in the only brilliant one among his Hufflepuff pupils. She was still a little girl, for Merlin's sake!

  


But by now, things had changed. The way he saw her had changed along with the way she saw him. Penny naively said she was in love, and foolishly handed her heart over to him, as if she expected any other result than to have it trampled on and destroyed. Snape was now definitely mature enough to be able to define the difference between love and hobby. And he could tell, that for the witch he was just another hobby that only a spoiled rich girl like her could want.

  


He didn't hate her (he couldn't,  he just  couldn't , she was so good, and it annoyed him), but he couldn't love her completely either.

  


If getting Severus Snape to hate was a simple enough feat, the same could not be said of the opposite, getting Severus Snape to love was a challenge against the world, this was because he did not believe in love, he believed in total veneration of the soul of his desired one; for him that was love, a silent, lethal, sacred and constant emotion. 

  


Surely it wasn't love for Penny to throw herself into Skye's arms (that joke, or whatever had really happened, had left a bitter taste in his mouth) as soon as he had rejected her, or to try to play silly games (blinking coquettishly, biting her lips, shortening her skirt) to get the slightest bit of attention. He had deliberately ignored her tricks until she had decided she wanted to take control of her free will and give him Amortentia. That was when he had to intervene.

  


Penny Haywood had definitely crossed the line. At least, for the moment, she had. Snape knew more was to come, and a morbid curiosity grew within him to see what might happen. He wanted to know Penny's next moves, to observe them and of course beat them; it was unhealthy, but definitely intriguing, to know what she would do just to be with him. And part of the potion master wondered if he would ever let her win after all.

  


He was definitely losing control, he told himself, picking up a grape and bringing it to his lips. He had thrown a seventeen-year-old girl into a strange, perverse game, a wicked vicious circle, which was slowly diluting the clear separation that there should be between a student and a teacher. In a few months she had kissed him on the lips, hugged him, tried to make him fall in love with her with Amortentia and he had almost seen her naked. 

  


Yes, they had crossed all boundaries.

  


"Nice weather outside today. Could be a great day. I wonder if it will be tomorrow." Flitwick suddenly said, to start a conversation, sipping his cup of tea.

  


Severus Snape was a man of a thousand secrets, pragmatic, cold, with a sophisticated sarcasm, with a great knowledge of all possible magical practices, a man as wise and intelligent as he was sour and irascible. Flitwick knew all this: he had been his teacher for seven years and his colleague for a good ten; he couldn't say that there was an explicit friendship between the two of them (Snape was too emotionally distant to call it that way), but they were definitely on good terms, and their "almost-friendship" made the Ravenclaw worry about how the Slytherin was doing. Ever since the year had started, he was becoming increasingly grumpy and intractable. More so than usual. Something was definitely wrong.

  


Snape thought that besides the fact that he had just gotten dirty, that he constantly had to look after a boy who looked too much like his disgusting father, that the colleague sitting to his right (Quirrell) seemed to want to steal the philosopher's stone to bring back Voldemort, and that he had a slightly too clingy Hufflepuff admirer, maybe it would be a good day for him too.

  


"Yes, it would seem so," he nodded detachedly and unconvinced. He bit into a slice of bread.

  


"We could almost have a Halloween party out in the courtyard tomorrow, if only it wasn't so cold in the evenings."

  


It almost seemed to Severus that he had kept his head in the clouds for too long and had suddenly woken up. The next day would be Halloween, damn it. The 31st of October, the very day that-.

  


"I have to go." With the air seeming to grow thicker and heavier around him, Severus abruptly dropped the cutlery on his plate and stood up abruptly. " Excuse me , Filius." Not that he really wanted to apologise, or that he thought he should apologise.

  


He left the other teacher speechless as he walked away, waving his black cloak behind him.

  


\\\\\

  


Even that morning, a certain Hufflepuff's attention was entirely focused on the potions professor. And every now and then the witch would look at him, as if she could forget his face in the process. As if she had the same memory as a goldfish. When Penny realised she was also being watched by him, she would retract her gaze in annoyance. Finally the girl saw him leave (perhaps annoyed by her presence or something else) and Penny sighed with relief. It was as if a rock had been lifted from her windpipe so that she could finally breathe again.

  


The thought of Snape as a possible Death Eater haunted and destroyed her, because if he truly revealed himself as such, her heart would truly break. For if he was a Death Eater, she could no longer love him. She shouldn't have.

  


That was what reason told her, the affection she felt for every Muggle or Muggle-born person she knew.

  


And her heart? 

  


Oh, her heart cried, exhausted with anger, disappointment and shame - because it was the most immoral of all. Because, in spite of everything, any feeling for him would remain. And it was beyond horrible.

  


"Still thinking about him?" Chiara Lobosca surprised her.

  


How on earth did she know?

  


As if she could understand Penny's thoughts, Tonks gave her a sorry look. "Oops, I couldn't help myself," she giggled embarrassedly. "Besides, you know everything about everyone, it's only fair that someone else should know something about you too."

  


"It's because I'm popular," she said distractedly and shrugged, dipping her teaspoon into her cocoa and honey porridge. "As long as it doesn't become a public affair, I'm fine with it."

  


" I always thought you liked Skye. You really surprised me," Chiara exclaimed, garnishing her slice of toast with her apricot jam. "'I mean, it would have made more sense. You're both the same age, you both like Quidditch and get along verywell. And now I find out you like guys twice your age.  Impressive. So you were thinking about him, hmm?"

  


Penny opened her mouth, but said nothing.

  


"Answer my question," Chiara invited her, curling her lips.

  


"Yes," she admitted, almost impatient. Penny couldn't believe she was still wasting her time with him. "Cora says he might be a Death Eater. 

  


"I knew it!" Tonks exclaimed, sounding unseemingly amused given the situation. 

  


"It's nothing for sure!" indignantly snapped Penny, abruptly throwing her spoon into the bowl full of porridge. Liquid splashed out, slightly smearing her chin, and she wiped it off with the first handkerchief in her pocket. After using it, she noticed it was the one Snape had given her. Damn, she should have thrown it away. Or burn it.

  


"The rumor is out," Chiara began, thoughtfully, "and it seems very reliable." Tonks nodded.

  


"No, it can't be." Penny was starting to get very grumpy with her friends and she didn't like it. She tried to stay calm. "I mean, come on, Chiara, he even makes you the Wolfsbane potion," she explained, "would a Death Eater do that?"

  


Chiara and Tonks gave each other the same look as two people who were sure they were thinking the same thing, and in chorus they replied, "Yes."

  


"Besides, Dumbledore is the one asking Snape to make the antidote. It's not like he's doing it of his own volition," Chiara corrected.

  


"Well, he might as well refuse. He doesn't have to."

  


"Think, Penny!" called Tonks back to her attention, "That then maybe means that his playing Dumbledore's good little soldier is just a way of not blowing his Death Eater cover. That would fit. Actually, it's a brilliant move. It has to be acknowledged," the pink-haired girl's tone became more pensive, then she exclaimed, "One point to Severus Snape!"

  


"Maybe," Penny murmured unconvinced, hoping they would put the talk aside and get back to talking about the end-of-year prank.

  


"But if the rumours were true, you and Snape - Chiara seemed at a loss for words - I mean, what would you do? Would you get over the crush?"

  


Penny was about to say a dry "Yes," but realized that it wasn't true after all. She found herself caught off guard. Tell a lie for the greater good or face reality?

  


"I...I don't know," Penny seemed unable to look at them. She focused on her breakfast, which she hadn't finished yet.

  


"Penny, Death Eaters hate Mudbloods too, even if they pretend otherwise.  Like , my cousin Draco won't talk to me because of that too." Tonks' family history was more complicated than that, but she hated to explain it in detail again.

  


"I know," Penny griped. She was undoubtedly angry with herself. "But it's complicated. I think maybe in time it will get easier, but right now I don't know." The others nodded, giving emotional support.

  


Together with her friends, Penny got up from the Great Hall table, heading for her first hour of class. A strange bitterness in her mouth accompanied her the whole time.

  


In the first hour she had Transfiguration, where Professor McGonagall explained a topic to which Penny paid little attention and this almost caused a detention with her. It actually only cost her five points because she had answered a question incorrectly. The she had History of Magic where finally the blonde could rest.

  


Her mind was incredibly busy with the memory of Rowan. It was as if she could see him standing there again, book in hand, explaining the actual topic of the lecture, his eyes sparkling with excitement, while Professor Binns had lost himself in one of his boring speeches. 

  


Rowan's disappearance was still a fresh wound; the pain had not yet passed. Such a young boy, only 15 years old, killed by that evil woman of Patricia Rakepick. Penny seethed with rage at the thought. No one had the right to choose between life and death for another person. 

  


Everything around her had become exorbitantly stressful. Penny needed a break and so she easily lost herself in the arms of Morpheus.

  


\\\\\

  


When Penny opened her eyes again, she found herself in the History of Magic classroom. Everything was normal, until the witch noticed she had platinum blonde hair and a Slytherin uniform again. Next, the most shocking thing of all, was the presence of Rowan. The boy was right there in front of her, in the flesh and bones, but in a Ravenclaw uniform. Indeed, that seemed like the best house for him, after Slytherin.

  


"Rowan," she pronounced stupefied. Her eyes were wide. She couldn't believe it. It felt like a dream. Well, it was a dream, in a way, but of all the possible scenarios she hadn't imagined that one.

  


"What is it, Penny?" He looked at her, concerned. "Didn't you understand something I explained?"

  


"No, no," she hastened to deny, "it's just... you're  alive ," she said, earning her companions' odd looks.

  


"Why would he be dead?" asked Tulip, confused. Penny noted pleasantly that at least she hadn't changed House. 

  


"No, nothing, leave me alone," muttered Penny weakly.

  


Rowan went back to explaining, ignoring her earlier speech. As he spoke he was animated, his eyes sparkling. It was clear that teaching was his passion. Penny listened to the whole story of the Giants, the council of Europe and everything else, with renewed interest.

  


Rowan was still there, still alive, happy and smiling. In that dimension he could finally become a teacher. They could laugh and joke together, as before.

  


It was all so good...

  


\\\\\

  


"Penny! Penny!" Cora shook her, and she woke up. "The professor is collecting essays in a bit, and you haven't completed yours," The Slytherin warned. 

  


Penny tried to compose herself, mumbling nonsense while still sleepy; then she picked up her parchment and inkwell and wrote down the first things that came to mind. She made a rambling speech, but Mr Binns rarely read essays - so they said - so she didn't worry.

  


It wasn't until she got out of class that she realised she hadn't brought the necklace back during the shifting or asked about the Cursed Vaults. She had been far too preoccupied with the vision of Rowan, with the possibility of having him back.

  


Thinking back to the missed mission, she spent the rest of the afternoon in the castle grounds, working for Snape (there were some porcupine quills missing, and they certainly couldn't be found on their own!), thinking about how time always seemed so fast and fleeting. So much so that Halloween had already arrived.

  


\\\\\

  


October 31st was a difficult holiday to deal with with Snape. He was decidedly grumpier than usual and worse still Penny saw something - a searing pain - in his black eyes that almost made them dead.

  


On top of that, on the very evening of that 31st October, as she was arranging some ingredients, she heard the door creak and when she saw Snape, she noticed a bandage on his leg, in the knee area, where she could still see him bleeding. What on earth had Professor Snape gotten himself into?

  


"Don't look at me like that, I'm not some stupid little wounded animal," he told her sourly. He had definitely noticed her gaze becoming more persistent and concerned.

  


Penny shook her head and bit her tongue - she wasn't going to ask him what he'd been up to, although she was quite curious.

  


"It's after ten o'clock at night, what are you doing here, Mrs Haywood?" he asked her distractedly. "Fifty points from Hufflepuff, go to your dormitory."

  


"I couldn't sleep, sir, so I thought 'why not get on with the work?', and here I am." She continued to label the bottles in which the ingredients were contained, almost frantically. It took Snape's hands, which rested on a jar and searched it for her, to make her stop. To get close to her he had limped and hissed in pain.

Their fingers brushed against each other and Penny shivered and thought she was really losing every ounce of dignity.

  


"I'm sorry." The witch looked down and there she noticed one detail in particular.

  


"The bandages," she had begun, Snape's already annoyed gaze on her, "should be changed. They've been put on wrong." 

  


She didn't know it, but after the three-headed dog's attack, the professor had tried to medicate himself roughly and had gone to the Potions lab to take some of Murtlap's essence, which was famous for its soothing properties.

  


"Not your problem, Haywood," he replied, frostily. 

  


"No, they aren’t, but I wanted to help you fix it, sir. Dad always did it with me and my sister when we peeled our knees."

  


"It's not just a knee peel," Severus almost dribbled his teeth, as if annoyed. Then sighed, as if he had no other choice: "It's fine," he agreed, rolling his eyes slightly, "just because I have to go out afterwards*."

  


Snape then had the look of someone who knew he'd said too much. Not surprised and worried like Hagrid's, but characterised by a frown that suited his personality perfectly.

  


"Go out? Where -" Snape threw her a dirty look that immediately shut her up.

  


"Uh," she shook her head. He made it clear that that was the end of the conversation and that she should no longer care where he was headed. 

  


Snape sitted in a chair, and the Hufflepuff girl with a wand waving brought a stool. Snape rest his hurt leg on it.

  


Penny began by gently removing the old bandages from Snape's knee. He made no sound that would indicate his pain, but sometimes his stoic face could betray him. Some of the wounded parts still burned and the blood was still pouring out, carmine red. The young Hufflepuff couldn't help but be worried and that seemed to get on his nerves.

  


"So you can't sleep and I don't think I saw you at the Halloween party either," was Snape's thoughtful observation as Penny brought out a wet cloth and dabbed at his wound, cleaning up the blood.

"I had...thoughts on my mind," the girl replied laconically, trying to hide her small excitement in the fact that he had noticed her absence.

  


So he was used to look at her in the Great Hall…

  


"I suppose you know about the existence of the soporific potion," he said, "it might get your thoughts off your mind, at least for a while."

  


"True," Penny didn't take her eyes off her work, " but today... today is the Day of the Living Dead and sometimes I even hope that Rowan and Scarlett, well..."

  


"They can't come back to life. Once you're dead, there's no going back. Move on, Haywood," he told her, there was a bit of contempt in his voice but also something else. Penny was a little hurt by Snape's speech. But she had to admit that he, despite his brusque manner, was right.

  


"I miss them so much, though..." she sighed, a twinge of pain seemed to tear through her chest. It all still hurt so damn much.

  


"Yeah..." she heard him whisper.

  


Penny looked at him slightly; his stoically rigid gaze seemed lost somewhere. He seemed to be reliving something tremendously painful as well. Snape finally understood her; he was connecting with her more than ever, and just with a simple look. They had been through different situations but they were sharing in the same pain. The only thing they could do was understand each other, silently respect each other's pain. Maybe even try to comfort each other with the knowledge that they were not alone. But that was too much for Snape to ask.

  


The light eyes were mirrored in the dark ones and they found themselves and the person they loved. Not the grumpy, gruff Snape, but the covertly shyly human Snape who returned from time to time and that was enough to turn Penny's heart and reasoning to mush.

Their eye contact lasted until Snape hissed in pain. Penny had pressed too hard.

  


"Haywood!" he growled at her, annoyed. "Damn it, you  idiot !"

  


That seemed to awaken Penny from a daydream. In a second Snape had reminded her why she had fallen in love with him and why at the same time she needed to defend herself against him.

  


She decided not to apologise, in fact she was quite hurt and angry by his words and replied in kind: "Rude! I am taking care of your wound, thank me."

  


"You insolent little -" he began angrily, but the girl next to him gave her an equally altered look that made him wonder what the Sorting Hat had seen in her when it put her in Hufflepuff. "I didn't ask, by the way," he shifted uncomfortably.

  


Penny didn't know how to reply anymore, and there was no sound throughout the room. Occasionally the sighs of both of them could be heard. She spoke only, or rather whispered, when with a wave of her wand she brought out a small tube. Penny unscrewed the cap and shaken, to get the contents out.

  


"It's an antibiotic ointment. It will help you feel better and prevent infection from forming. Dad uses it on me all the time."

  


Snape huffed, "You could have used..."

  


"Essence of Murtlap, I know."

  


"But it'sthe same," he shrugged. Snape shivered when the ointment made contact with his skin, though he tried to hold back as much as he could. It was cold, but not the kind of cold he liked.

  


Then the girl with another whisper and wave of her wand brought out new bandages. She began to bandage him, touching Snape's bare skin as gently as she could.

  


"Here, in the dungeon, there had been a Troll," Snape had begun, no longer looking her in the eye. Penny had heard about it and had thought that perhaps leaving the lab would be risky, so she had stayed there.

  


"Yes, I heard the first year Slytherins stirring outside," she replied distractedly. She was definitely just focusing on the bandage.

  


"You don't..." Snape had been speaking more slowly than usual, as if after each word he wanted to freeze. As if each word brought him shame.

  


Penny looked up again, surprised but pleased. "Nothing happened to me, if that's what you mean, sir."

  


Snape nodded, but didn't comment with anything else. There was definitely a tense, embarrassed air between the two.

  


"There, I've finished the bandage," she pronounced, giving it the last fix. "I hope it's okay."

  


"It is... fine," the potion master said softly, removing her leg from the small stool and trying to sit up normally. He was still feeling some pain.

  


Penny smiled shyly at him.

  


"'I should, - he began. His mouth opened and closed, unsure of what to say. - I guess I should thank you."

  


She leaned closer to him. "You're welcome, I offered." Penny's lips curled more, but they stopped curling when Snape's face came up to hers. 

  


Penny's heart was beating wildly, unable to wait for what was happening. In her mind, he was about to give her a kiss. Which seemed plausible to her: perhaps it was a way of thanking for her care. 

  


"Haywood," he began, subtle in his voice. Penny held her breath as she could feel his breath on her, his face moving closer. His thin lips were close to Penny's, who had begun to find them bloody inviting; she parted her own, waiting for the kiss. 

  


"You should treat your acne more," was Snape's final remark. "Seriously, you should use a Bubble Cure Potion, you look awful tonight."

  


Penny's heart stopped.

  


"Oh," the disappointment was evident in her tone, "I'll consider it, thank you," she said, a grimace of revulsion on her face.  What a bastard . "As you should consider learning manners," she snapped, getting up and walking out, leaving Severus Snape no chance for a reply, slamming the door to Potions class in his face.

  
  


If anyone had asked her why she had returned to her dormitory that night crying, she would have refused to give an answer.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *he goes to Godric Hollows, to visit Lily’s grave 
> 
> Thank you for reading!!   
> I decided to make a little sorta of “Spape’s pov” in the start, i hope the results are good <3  
> I will admit it: initially, I wanted Snape and Penny to really kiss in this chapter. Well, they’ll kiss, but not know :p. Just wait a little bit.   
> Tell me what you think about this chapter!  
> Ciaooo!!!<3


	12. As my first kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two nerdy Slytherin and Hufflepuff get involved in a semi-philosophical talk. The end is very inaspectated for our little Penny ;)

"I can't promise I can make it for you any time soon, I have _**other things**_ to do, but at least we can get some ingredients. Now, do you know how to pluck nettles and how to dry them?"

  
That was what Snape told her when they had both found themselves in the greenhouse in the late afternoon, gathering the ingredients for the Bubble Cure Potion. More than _found_ , he had sent her an owl, telling her to wait for him there. She had rushed over, thinking it was for some urgent business, and had been very disappointed. She was still angry about what had happened the night before and didn't want to give him any satisfaction, but she also didn't want to run the risk of being suspended again.

  
Besides, Penny was so caught up in the fact that he had almost kissed her the other night - at least, it looked like a kiss, then it turned into an annoying opinion about her acne -, that she had forgotten about her main missions: to return the necklace in the alternate reality, to find out something about the cursed hall and also to find out if Snape was a Death Eater.

  
For the first time in a long time the girl wore Muggle clothes - a yellow t-shirt paired with a black cardigan and jeans. Snape didn't seem to like them and that made her turn her nose up at them. She didn't want to agree with Cora and the others.…

  
Speaking of him, she honestly didn't understand why he had offered to make her the Bubble Cure potion. They were both aware of how talented Penny was in potions. She could have made the Bubble Cure with her eyes closed. Was this an indirect way of apologizing for what he had said to her? It didn't make sense, since she'd dared to close the door in his face. It wasn't that he didn't deserve it, but Snape was also known to bear a grudge all the spiteful things they did to him. Maybe he was up to something, who knows .

  
And it wasn't until she'd tried to thank him for the kind gesture that Snape had looked at her as if he'd wanted to eat her up - literally, not in the nicest (for her) sense of the word - that she'd preferred not to ask. The witch still cared about living.

  
"Well, I could try," Penny sketched a smile, which was supposed to sound confident, but seemed even more uncertain than the tone of her voice.

  
"Wrong answer." Snape looked at her with disappointment. "Stay close to me during the nettle harvest, at least you won't make one of your usual messes, Mrs Haywood," he prodded her, advancing into the greenhouse. Penny made to reply, but closed her mouth and quickly followed him, noticing that he was not waiting for her.

  
Stepping inside, she noticed as if something was out of place or missing. In fact, not something, but **someone**.

  
"Where is Professor Sprout, sir?" she asked, looking around. Penny was surrounded by the most beautiful plants in the wizarding world, bright and lush. A damp feeling typical of greenhouses surrounded her, but she was used to it, so she didn't mind too much.

  
"She's busy with personal matters," Snape looked at her as if to say _mind your own business_. He continued, "Anyway, she gave me permission to take the nettles, because she knows I'm the most skilled in this field besides her."  


Not that she was the type to do that, but the witch rolled her eyes slightly. "Good thing I'm the arrogant one here," Penny muttered to herself.

  
"What have you just said?" he approached her, menacingly. His lips in what looked like a strange smile. No, not a smile, a snarl, almost like the one he'd directed at Neville in the Potions classroom.   
Hell, he'd heard her. Penny froze: she was sure she'd heard it.

  
"Nothing important," she replied, her face pale.

  
"You'd better be, Haywood," Severus gave her a dismissive look and walked over to the furthest section of the work table from her and with a wave of his wand landed pots of nettles on it.

  
Penny had to quicken her pace to get close to him. If the witch could have seen herself from an outside eye, she would have described that path as a strange metaphor for her relationship with Snape. Him walking away and her chasing after him, without thinking. Penny would have wondered if she would actually catch up with him in the end.

  
Snape explained to her the way the nettle leaves should be plucked. He spoke of kindness - strange talk coming from him - because the rules of nature and magic implied a respect between them. What you give to the earth is what you receive. So if you tear up nettles with little care, your potion will come out for the most part counterproductive.

  
" If anyone asks, I never gave you that speech, and if you try to blurt it out, I'll have no problem having you committed to St. Mugo's for insanity," he threatened her, his black eyes taking on a darker, scarier look than usual. "Clear, Haywood?"

  
Penny nodded and swallowed.

  
"Perfect."  


The girl was about to start, but Snape grabbed her arm to block her. "The gloves, Haywood," he warned the huffelpuff, then pulling away from her. Penny remembered the time Skye had stroked her arm to comfort her; she had definitely been gentler than the potion master, but the cold, empty feeling when he pulled away from her was the same as the one she had felt with Skye, maybe a little worse. "How do you think you can pick up nettles with your bare hands? Unless you like hurting yourself, which would make sense given your history," he sneered at his own snide comment.

  
Penny ignored him and went in search of some dragon-skin gloves. She found them in a chest of drawers under the table. She put them on and it almost felt like a real Herbology lesson, but with her as the only student and Snape as her teacher.

  
They both began to work and, to Severus's relief, Penny understood perfectly well how to pick nettle leaves. She touched and plucked them gently, as if she were tending a little Crup cub with a broken paw.

  
It was almost like the old days, when they simply enjoyed each other's silence. No fighting, no drama, just the two of them talking about potions and that was it. Just their old friendship, which she always found so comforting. And her crush on him, could very well have remained hidden, given the recent results. Penny blushed at the desire for everything to go back to the way it was. It would have been beautiful.

  
Actually, she did have a chance: the apology letter. It was still unfinished and hidden in one of the drawers in her dormitory. She could give it to Snape and perhaps finally make peace.

  
To distract herself, she looked at the plants around her, so colourful and varied. To begin with, she tried to recall in her mind what kind they belonged to, then a silly thought made her ask, without thinking, "Is it strange that in the greenhouses some of the pupils have never tried growing...well, you know, illegal things like, I don't know - actually she knew very well – marijuana?"

  
Snape glared at her, despising her dumb youth, then looked up, thoughtfully.

  
"They tried, years ago. Must have been back in '76. Those filthy undisciplined Potter and Black had tried to sow that strange Muggle plant," Snape recounted, concentrating on tearing off the leaves. Penny didn't know it, but finding a way to insult his old school bullies was a popular topic of conversation for the Potions teacher. "They were punished, as they should be. Too bad they weren't expelled," he observed grudgingly.

  
"Potter?" questioned Penny, thoughtfully. "Like Harry Potter? Were they related?"

  
Snape grunted, Penny couldn't tell if he was disgusted or annoyed. "James Potter was his father. And no one can refute that: they're both arrogant, contemptuous of the rules and-"

  
"How can you say that, sir?", Penny interrupted him, but in a gentle, genuinely dubious tone. "I mean, he's an eleven-year-old boy, you wouldn't know it yet-"

  
"Has your ability to observe suddenly disappeared, Mirs Haywood?" he asked her, wryly. "I knew hufflepuffs were often easily distracted, but this is too much even for you."

  
Penny shook her head, holding back a smile. It was insulting, but it kind of made her laugh. It was just like when she was in first year and found Snape's comments always so witty. "Yes, he's a bit of a troublemaker, but he's sweet." Her fingers carefully plucked the nettle leaves from the earth, trying to preserve the best part of them and especially the part that would actually be used.

  
"He's a bumptious scorner of the rules, like any Gryffindor," Snape grunted, with all the contempt he felt in his body.

  
"But you can't tell yet, he still has to be educated," Penny began, "I think then thata education, not just school education, must be paramount for him. It is education, after all, that lays the foundation for a person's attitude. I mean, if he's brought up to be humble, to work hard, to appreciate compliments without getting too big-headed, then that's how he'll behave. If he is brought up to be contemptuous of authority, not to follow rules, because he will always be forgiven for everything, then he will grow up arrogant. As I said before, it all depends on the upbringing."

  
Snape rolled his eyes and thought, " _Tell that to Dumbledore._ " But if usually he would have just done that and cut the conversation short, now Severus couldn't deny that he was intrigued by such a thought coming from a seventeen-year-old girl, and that was flattered that he could finally have an intelligent conversation. The desire to learn, the determination and ambition to know everything, after all, delineated him as a perfect Slytherin.

  
"What about natural temperament, Haywood?" he asked her and the girl squinted her eyes, not believing what she was hearing and seeing. Was Snape interested in something Penny had said? It sounded like a dream. "Do you think that mere education can change an individual's disposition? That the natural ill temper, surely taken from the father, can disappear by education alone?" he continued, scrutinising her.

"I think,- she hesitated, slightly unsure at first, - I think that if the education is constant, the greater will be the result. And human nature, character, can change."

"So you think people can change." It wasn't a question, but an observation.

"I don't believe it, _I know it_ ," Snape looked at her sceptically, she continued: "For example,"observed her potions teacher sidelong, "a Death Eater may realise that his ideology is wrong and want to redeem himself, change for the better. Just as the opposite may very well exist."

_Who knows, maybe he would betray himself and reveal something to her…_

"Are simple words enough for you to make people change ideologies, Haywood?" He tested her again, seeing how far she could go.

"Well, I don't think education is just words. There are words, yes, that need to be understood, but you can also be educated by what maybe happens in life. A traumatic event, perhaps, can change us totally." The death of her best friend and Rowan, the near death of Beatrice, seemed to pass her by. She shivered a little, as if shaken by an icy wind. Those events had almost traumatised her, had certainly left something indelible.

Snape nodded his head.

Penny tried to continue, "So if this Death Eater is truly repentant and wants to redeem himself, get better, why not give him a chance?"

"Would you always give him a second chance, Haywood?"

"Everyone deserves a second chance, if they are convinced in their redemption." There was total resolve in his speech, a willingness to forgive that Severus wouldn't even have for himself.

There was something, perhaps her inherent goodness, that drew him in, that left him rippling his lips slightly; irrepressible overflow of the heart. By now, he could not deny it to himself: there was a reason why he had always protected her, why he had never punished her as harshly as he should have, why every morning at breakfast, his eyes and thoughts always went to her.

Snape approached and the girl tilted her head to the side, as if she thought her potion master should say something to her. Maybe another sour comment about her acne. When he took her cheek with one hand, she stiffened and blushed at first.

"When you act like this, and not like a clingy spoiled child, it becomes hard to stay away," he whispered, his voice deep. Penny was hyperventilating.

Snape was still stroking her chubby cheek and Penny was blushing more and more. When he brought his face closer to hers, she was sure he was going to kiss her, and she braced herself, she felt his lips on hers; it felt like she was reliving her first kiss with him in the potions lab, only this time he had initiated it. Only this time, finally, she was reciprocated. It was all so surprising and wonderful.

It was really going to happen, Penny couldn't wait, until a, "Are you done now, Severus?" was heard .

Snape forced Penny away from him, as if she was the one about to kiss him. Professor Pomona Sprout advanced through the greenhouse, until she came to where Penny and Snape were.

"Excuse me?" asked Snape, slowly. Penny was certain that he, too, had been caught off guard and agitated by the prospect of being discovered as she was, even if he didn't show it. If not, he wouldn't even be human.

"The nettle leaves. Did you get them?" Pomona asked softly, smiling warmly. "If you want, now that I'm free, I can give you a hand."

"No need, we're done," he replied, bluntly.

Penny wouldn't even be able to speak. She was red in the face, still shaken by the idea that for the first time she would actually get a kiss from Snape, but to be interrupted and caught by another teacher.

"Mirs Haywood, you may now return to your dormitory," Snape dismissed her, his expression neutral.

Penny was definitely disappointed. Was he going to leave her like this? First he would try to kiss her and then he would push her away? She couldn't believe his words. She went from embarrassment to indignation. "But sir, about drying the nettles…"

"We'll talk about it tomorrow," he said, coldly. He left the greenhouse at once, leaving Penny no time to reply, only to see the sheen of his black cloak to which she was now accustomed.

Cold, yes, as usual, but at least he had told her they would see each other the next day. Was Penny getting her hopes up too high if she thought the whole thing might look like a date?

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I don't know if it's clear, but I'll explain: the chapter titles are in the first person, as if they were subspecies of blog post titles. I found this choice cute and in the future, much in the future, it will make more sense.
> 
> Snape is pretty tsundere, I know; he wants to apologise, but does it very indirectly and with more insults LMAO. And Penny, well, Penny is still too much of a sottona( I'd say “a bottom” in English, but this is a het couple so it doesn't sit well) to say no to him completely.
> 
> I'm delaying a bit for the kiss, but I'd like this fic to be as slow burn as possible - getting them to kiss in chapter 12 seemed too soon for me.


	13. Snape's tusks

In the Potions class, it was normal that cold temperature, so typical of dungeons, tempered somewhat by the fire lit under the cauldrons. But Snape just couldn't stand it that afternoon. It seemed to make his state of mind worse, to oppress and encompass him, all of which Severus would not have wanted to happen to him.

In his mind, thoughts darkened him and made him breathless.  
  
Lily, the woman he had always thought he loved, had become a different memory. Watered down, in a way, by everything he was experiencing.

Indeed, when he had seen Lily's grave again, there was something different. There was love, the deepest and most devoted there could be in the world, but with something that made it different from before.  
It had become platonic. Not that after her death (or even before), Snape could have hoped for anything beyond that. But now he was more than certain: he would feel anymore something more than the deep love that one can feel for a dear friend, the only true friend he had ever had, but nothing more; nothing beyond the doubt that plagued him every night, "What if he just hadn't told the dark lord the prophecy?"; nothing beyond the resentment towards himself because, deep down, Severus felt that he was the one who had gotten his friend killed, and had caused all the things she loved to die. All but one.  
  
Harry Potter was still alive, and it was only for her that he would protect him, until the end. Even if it seemed like a demeaning task each time, watching how much Harry looked like his father. But for Lily, Severus would do that and more, so her memory would never fade from his mind.  
  
And why so afraid of forgetting her, he wondered. The answer wasn't long in coming: a small Hufflepuff made the door to the laboratory creak, which seemed monstrously tall in comparison to her.  
  
Penny Haywood. Eleven letters, one person who seemed to want to demolish all his certainty, all his self-control. She wasn't the same as Lily, he didn't venerate her, he wouldn't have a constant devotion to her alone, but she had definitely managed to capture his attention, his thoughts. She was yes the girl who wanted to play with him as if it was just a pastime, but she was also the one who was the most intelligent in potions, a person with a good critical spirit, smart, open to confrontation and above all to forgiveness.  
  
Forgiveness, after all, was all he needed. Desperately, almost craved for an indulgence, something or someone to give him peace, at least for a second. Penny had succeeded, with her _annoying_ seeing the good in everyone, shining a new, interesting light that had drawn Snape in as if he were a silly moth.  
  
It was as if in the dark room he called life, someone had just turned on a small light.  
  
Penny coughed, as if to regain some of her voice, and gasped, "Here I am, sir."  
  
Snape was immediately roused from his thoughts. He looked up at her and noticed that the few candles illuminating her face sculpted what were actually soft features, especially her cheekbones, making them almost pointed, more mature.  
  
"Of course," was all Severus said. If he had noticed her tardiness, he didn't mention it.  
  
The air between the two of them was incredibly tense. There was an awkwardness so palpable, it would have even been easily cut with a knife. Too bad no one seemed to want to take the first step, to take that knife and make a clean break.  
  
Snape, who was never good with feelings, and Penny, who was afraid of taking a beating one too many times.  
  
Severus got up from his chair, the wood creaking, and with slow, plodding steps walked towards her. Penny breathed through her mouth, lips parted, closed her fingers into unsteady fists. Her heart was pounding, and she hoped Snape would storm her lips at once, so it would all be over in the blink of an eye. But her teacher did nothing of the sort; on the contrary, he barely looked at her and said, "Now we must proceed with the drying of the nettles."  
  
The mental wall of certainty that Penny had built up collapsed at once. Of it, only the ashes. Did Snape no longer want to kiss her? Was he no longer interested in her? Had he ever been?  
Penny wanted to retort, to say anything, but what right did she have to claim a kiss that maybe he didn't even really want to give her?  
  
She moved closer to the potion master, shyly. "So... how shall we proceed, sir?" Penny turned her gaze and noticed that near the wall dangled in the air the nettle leaves picked the previous day. They were definitely less fresh, but not yet dry. It looked a lot like the Muggle method of drying leaves. The first few years of school, in the summer, the blonde girl had tried to reproduce the potions she had made at school. They were a flop, but at least she had learned something new - not that it would ever be useful to her, but she tried to see the positive side of it.  
  
Snape beckoned a white cloth with a wave of his hand, with which he picked up the nettles and laid them on the work table.  
  
"Tell me, Haywood," his incredibly thin voice was whispering into her earring and the witch thought she could melt, "what spell can produce heat?"  
  
Penny felt herself choking on her saliva, and answered weakly, "Incendio, perhaps?"  
  
"Do you want to set the lab on fire, Haywood?" he raised the tone of his voice, looking at her like she was crazy. Penny shook her head in denial, flustered. "I could take points off your house for that."  
  
_I could._ But he did nothing.  
  
"The proper spell is _exsiccatum_ *," Snape huffed, his voice velvety as he cast the bill on the leaves with an elegant wand gesture. Penny made a mental note of it, but she was already highly fed up with exsiccatum, and she huffed; Penny didn't understand why she was still participating in the preparation of a useless potion that she didn't feel the slightest need for. The Hufflepuff liked the way she looked, even if it wasn't canonically perfect. It made her wonder why she was still standing there, but there was still more than a little hope within her that all was not lost, but that she would still receive something in the end.  
  
"Now," Snape turned to look at her, scrutinising her, "Other than dried nettles, could you tell me what the other ingredients are?"  
  
Penny perked up, "Horned snails, porcupine quills, base ingredient, and - she gasped, not because she couldn't remember - snake’s tusks."  
  
The goddamn snake’s tusks. If only they hadn't made that joke, if only the Weasley twins hadn't written "Snape's tusk", Penny wouldn't have reacted so protectively to Severus and kissed him, triggering all sorts of contempt from him. At the same time, though, she wouldn't see her feelings being slowly reciprocated (or at least she hoped they were).  
  
"Excellent," Severus replied, in a calm tone. He didn't even seem to mind the assumed arrogance that he said belonged heavily to the Hufflepuff.  
  
The air between the two meanwhile had become decidedly quieter.  
So Penny understood why the potion master had preferred to concentrate on drying nettles first. Working with the potions relaxed him, she could see the muscles in his face and body becoming less tense. The line of his lips straightened, concentrated, but at the same time it gave his face a calm air. Severus and Penny shared the same emotions when brewing a potion, and it was this very thought that made her smile genuinely.   
"Pound the snake's tusks for me, Haywood," he ordered her as he conjured up a cauldron, the flame underneath immediately igniting, producing a crackling sound. Penny, amused, went to get the mortar and pestle.  
  
She immediately set to work, pounding the tusks precisely and diligently. A part of her still wondered profusely about the kiss, but answered herself that if she was patient, it would pay off.  
  
"Later," Snape told her, bluntly, and that confirmed her thoughts.  
  
///  
  
The Hufflepuff thought about taking the horned snails for him, but what a great cliché it would be if their hands met? Touched? Sure, she was dying to, to feel him closer to her, to be able to intertwine her own fingers with his, to simply give him affection, whether he deserved it or not.  
  
On an impulse, as if she could no longer contain herself, she brushed his free hand, and he stiffened, but said nothing, did not pull away. She then took Severus' hand more firmly, brought it almost to her face, and with her thumb slowly began to stroke the back of it.  
  
Severus' throat was dry, and in embarrassment he looked at the cauldron in front of him. He became even more tense when he felt her lips slowly kiss his knuckles. He couldn't say he didn't like it, but neither could he say he did. He was just... unused to affection.  
  
Severus cast a non-verbal stasis spell at the cauldron. He turned to face her, as if in the fibres of his body he felt that this was all deeply wrong. Snape was a teacher, after all, and being attracted to one of his students was not an accepted thing. Actually, though, trying to kiss said student was not allowed either, but he could still fix that. "Don't-" he began, but the words died in his throat. Penny stopped stroking his hand, and a sorry expression painted her face.  
  
_No, stupid, sad eyes weren't going to change his mind._ He wouldn't even blink at the look on her terribly sorry face, her lips parting and curving downwards at the same time, her eyebrows dramatically furrowed into a desolate expression, her doe eyes glinting...  


Oh, for Merlin’s sake!  
  
To him now seemed unfair that she was the one acting, letting him take and giving nothing in return.  
Snape turned fully towards her and, terribly embarrassed, began to touch her hair. It seemed that the whole time Severus was stroking it, he was trying to be tender, but being unaccustomed to it, it was a timid and insensitive attempt.  
  
Penny stood up on tiptoe, to be closer to him. To hold on, she clung to his arm and surprisingly he didn't push her away. Their noses touched, they looked into each other's eyes for a while, but without finding anything to say to each other. There was still a boundary keeping them apart, a shred of morality that still didn't let them fall into temptation.  
  
She pursed her lips again, to breathe through her mouth, as if without it she could not do it anymore. But Snape took it as an invitation and slowly kissed her. He pulled her closer to him, noticing how soft her skin was to the touch. Penny was thrilled, to have him so close, but a strange empty feeling found a home in her stomach. As if, even though she was finally so close to him, he was still far away from her. She tried to ignore, this feeling, and thought more about throwing herself into his arms. Severus meanwhile was noticing how sticky her lip gloss was and how it tasted like strawberries. _Cloying_.  
She giggled and Severus rolled his eyes.  
  
Against her skin Penny distinctly heard his sigh, soft and faux annoyed. Maybe it was that, maybe it was the smell of minty aftershave, or maybe it was nothing; but Penny found herself unable to contain herself.  
  
She wanted to satiate herself. She wanted Severus.  
  
Penny had waited far too long for him, and like a hungry lion seeing its first gazelle in days, she licked and bit his neck, stroking the skin with the tip of her tongue, gently and thoughtfully.  
Snape grumbled in annoyance at this kindness.  
  
The more she bit, the more she wanted to bite, Penny advanced methodlessly on his cheekbone. Severus made a guttural sound from deep in his throat, barely concealing his enjoyment.  
  
Then he suddenly pulled her away from him. "That's enough," Severus told her, slowly, and she only needed to look at him to know that Snape would not tolerate otherwise. His hand lingered on her blond hair, a sign that Severus would have liked to keep kissing her, but this was neither the time nor the place to do it.  
  
Penny was still red in the face and her lips were moist. "Y-yes," she answered.  
  
They stood in silence staring at each other, not knowing what to say for the second time. They both had questions, they both wanted answers, but trying to ask them seemed so wrong - whatever they had started, they shouldn't have. Rather than understand, then, they basked in the actuality of the facts: the physical attraction they felt for each other was undeniable.  
  
They broke the contact away.  
  
"I have to finish an essay for Transfiguration," Penny rocked back on her own two feet, feeling unable to look him in the eye, finding an excuse to leave. They had nothing more to say to each other, she might as well get out of the Lab. "I really have to go. I'm sorry, _sir,_ " she said the last word belatedly, uncomfortable, because she didn't know what to call him anymore. There were supposed to be certain formalities with teachers, but did those rules apply after a make out session with one of them?  
  
Penny didn't think too much about it, then when Snape nodded at her and she took the opportunity to snap him a kiss on the cheek.  
"Haywood," he called back to her with mock annoyance, but added nothing, leaving her free to go.  
  
As the lab door closed behind her, Penny no longer felt her heart in turmoil, but finally calm. The quietness of her cardiac organ, however, had not erased the excitement of that kiss. The longed-for kiss from her Potions teacher. Penny felt like she was dreaming.  
  
Her brain didn't feel like reminding her how odd that relationship with Snape was, her friends would have taken care of that when they found out.  
  
_**If**_ they found out.  
  
Part of her was firmly convinced that honesty was the highest virtue, and to stoop to a lie again was truly reprehensible. The other, however, preferred to keep the secret, thinking that besides the fact that telling the truth would damage her image in the eyes of her friends, and that Snape would risk serious measures. She was not a minor, so he would not end up in Azkaban or under house arrest, but he would still have to leave his job. What would Hogwarts be without him as the Potions teacher?

The truth was, Penny didn't know what was going to do yet, so when she got to her dorm, she tried not to think about it too much, focusing more on her homework, finding that, however, Penny couldn't pay attention for more than two minutes straight to that paragraph about Transfiguration. Her mind was occupied by the memory of her kiss with the potion master, which made her smile genuinely and dreamily every time it crossed her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * no, it's not a real spell, it's the supine of "exsicco", meaning "to dry up". That's what studying Latin in high school is for, guys :p.
> 
> I'm sorry I'm making such short chapters these days :C I'm really busy with school (I have maths debt, ouch), work stages and everything to do with body dysphoria and body dysmorphia. But writing is a good way to distract myself and I'm glad you're enjoying this ff.   
> Speaking of more cheerful things: SNAPE AND PENNY HAVE KISSED YAYY. I really wanted to write this scene, but I had a lot of difficulties and I hope that Snape is not too OOC.  
> I know, you might be thinking, "that's it? It's all over already?" and well, no, don't worry, there will be many things happening, many more discoveries, that will change the dynamic between those two. And then there's also the cursed vault c: And on that I wanted to make a little disclaimer: I haven't made it to year 7th in the game yet, so my cursed vault will be very different from the original one. At least, that's what I'm hoping for, really.   
> Have a nice day!!


	14. Death eater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, this is Penny's kiss and Snape's tusk, but I changed the title.  
> There are two reasons for this: honestly, the first is because I wasn't too fond of the previous title (it was redundant and was initially meant for the FF to be an OS, so it made sense for the first chapter, but not the rest). The second one because even if initially I wanted there to be the surprise effect, that the whole story eventually turns out to be the third person excerpt of Penny's diary + some external additions (like the point of view closer to Snape's thoughts), in the end I realized that it's very understandable and my gimmick wasn't that great, so I decided to make it explicit already. Not that it's decisive to the plot, it's not a big deal.  
> Besides, Penny is a bit of a nerdy but mostly a superstar c:  
> I've finished talking in circles, now I wish you a pleasant reading!

Unable to study, Penny had decided to accompany Cora to feed the Slytherin girl’s magical creatures, along with Liz. Although it looked the opposite from the dungeons, it was a beautiful day and it would have been a shame not to go outside in the fresh air.

  
The sun was shining in the sky, but it wasn't midday for a while, so it would soon be waning and evening would be upon them. Its arrival was foreshadowed by the cool wind, which at least wasn't too icy, leaving the trio of friends free to wear their everyday clothes with just the addition of a heavy jacket, but not too heavy. Among them, only Liz had decided to take a rucksack with her.

  
As they walked towards the meadows, they passed Hagrid's garden and the smell of soup made from pumpkins that had survived Halloween pervaded their nostrils. As they walked their legs rustled with the tall, damp grass, the sound of their footsteps became heavier as they walked over gravel and a road full of dirt and pebbles, but their noise was drowned out by the crystal clear but boisterous sound of the three girls' laughter.

  
Cora and Liz were nice and kind, for being Slytherins. Penny winced at her own thought. No, belonging to one of the houses of Hogwarts did not define one's entirety at all. That Slytherins were wicked and haters of non-purebloods was just a silly stereotype. A stereotype that unfortunately ran throughout the school, affecting her to a small degree as well. And she felt bad about it, because in a way it was as if Penny was also in a way continuing to propagate these prejudices. Overly hasty judgments that made members of other houses turn away as soon as they saw a Slytherin in the corridors, that made victims of ugly looks, murmurs of contempt, innocent people, who had the only _sin_ of being ambitious and determined. Slytherins were forced to be self-sufficient, to help each other, because they knew they would not receive support from those outside their house.  
Perhaps that was how Snape had felt in his school years, and it had made him so shy and cynical. Perhaps that was how her other self felt.

  
When they finally reached the grasslands, Liz ran straight for Cora's niffler. "His name is Rufus," she had said, proudly, "Don't you think he's adorable?"

  
"Of course I do," Cora said, not refraining from giving the animal's brownish fur a gentle stroke. Rufus welcomed the cuddles, letting go and showing his body even more, as an invitation to receive more caresses.

  
"Rufus?" asked Penny, smiling and crouching down to get closer to the animal. For a moment, the anxiety that the necklace might be stolen came into Penny's mind. Suddenly, she touched her neck in search of it, but she was wearing nothing. She had taken it off after being with Severus, leaving it in the dormitory. She sighed relieved and went back to her speech. "You're really good with names!" Cora giggled, in appreciation. The Slytherin would never tell the hufflepuff about her toad named Severus, after the potions’ wicked and annoying teacher.

  
When it was Penny's turn to pet the animal, she felt the niffler stiffen at her touch. Its fur was soft but bristly and Rufus seemed to be tense at the idea of being stroked by someone he had never seen before. Penny realised this and quickly recoiled, then asked the two friends with her, “Do you have any food? - Meanwhile she had risen from her previous position, her muscles finally able to relax, no longer tense \- I wish I could give him the food, so he knows I'm friendly.”

  
"Of course!" exclaimed Liz, beaming. Cora nodded. The bespectacled girl continued, "I always have portions of food with me," she slipped off her backpack and extracted some feed from it. "You never know you might meet a hungry magical creature on the street! Here, take it." Liz handed to the hufflepuff the food for the niffler, Penny thanked her. The blonde then tossed a piece to Rufus, who hesitantly came over to sniff it and slowly began to eat it. In the end, Rufus seemed to enjoy it.

  
While Liz stayed behind to play with Rufus, Penny and Cora decided to lie down and rest under the shade of an apple tree not far from her - or what looked like an apple tree. Maybe she had studied what kind of plant it were, but Penny didn't feel like concentrating and remembering.

  
Left alone with her thoughts, Penny realized that she hadn't said anything about Snape kissing her to Cora. Not that she knew yet whether to tell her or not. In the hufflepuff’s mind, the image of the attempted kiss in the greenhouse made her distracted and want to remain immersed in her thoughts; the memory of Snape's lips on hers, light, almost delicate, made her giggle under her breath.

  
"What are you so happy about?" asked Cora, standing next to her, unable to hold back a slight smile. Penny hung her head, as if to say that hers was simple happiness, nothing important. But a tightness in her stomach made her change her mind: _she had to say something_.

  
"Cora?" said the Hufflepuff. Penny felt dirty after all, keeping a secret from her best friend. "Can I tell you something?"

  
Cora shifted her gaze from the clouds in the sky (one looked like a fish!) and looked at the blonde in front of her. "You seem upset all of a sudden. What's going on?"

  
Penny, undecided whether to speak or not, put her tongue between her teeth and nervously fiddled with the blades of grass. "Well," she began, hesitantly, "promise me first that you won't tell anyone."

Cora held out her little finger, smiling at her. Penny was puzzled. "Pinky promise? - the Slytherin invited her – That’s how you make promises in the Muggle world, don't you?"

  
The Hufflepuff seemed to wake up. "Oh, yes, of course," she smiled as well.

  
"It's nice, you know? It's like our Unbreakable Vow, but doesn't kill you," a small chuckle followed the sentence.

  
Penny nodded, "True," she held out her little finger as well. They did the pinky promise and then parted.

  
"So? What did you want to tell me?"

  
"Here, I promised you I'd always be honest with you," she picked up a daisy from the ground and began to play with it, trying to mask her nervousness.

  
Cora nodded, "Yeah” She took the flower from the hufflepuff's hands, who protested slightly, until she put it on her head. The daisy matched Penny's blonde hair perfectly. "You look better now!" the Slytherin exclaimed and her interlocutor giggled.

  
Penny's smile faded, then, remembering that if she had told her friend the truth, their lightheartedness would have been destroyed in that instant. Maybe she could tell a white lie, for Cora’s sake.

  
"What did you have to tell me, anyway?" Cora didn't look at her, she pointed with her squashed nose at the sky that was slowly getting darker, a sign that evening and dinner time was coming.

  
"I - the words seemed to burn in her throat - I... made up with Snape," she said all in one breath.

  
"Oh," was Cora's reaction. Indeed, she had expected something more striking. "Well, you'd better, hadn't you?"

  
Penny smiled shyly, "yes," and went back to enjoying the lightheartedness and joy of that moment.  
She almost seemed to have forgotten that half lies brought her nothing but trouble.

  
\\\\\

  
In the evening, after eating dinner and finishing her homework, she found herself laying on the bed, so tired was she, barely able to pick up the necklace on the bedside table, and for the first time in days Penny was able to shifting.

  
She opened her eyes weakly, exhausted, as if she had never slept.

  
The witch stood up and stretched, tensing her limbs until she felt her bones crack. The metallic sound of something falling caught her attention.  
It was the necklace.  
Slowly, and with ill-veiled laziness, she reached up to pick it up. Penny bent down, picked it up gently, hoping she hadn't broken it by accident, and when she got up again, noticed something that made her stand in amazement. A huge new Slytherin crest had been hung in front of her bed.

  
_Strange, it hadn't been there before…_

  
But, after all, her other self had a life even when she wasn't there to control it. She wondered, for a moment, if the opposite had never happened, if the Alternate Penny had never tried to take control of her actions.

Something else, however, made her wonder. The edges of her vision were not sharp; rather, they were blurred, impalpable. It seemed to be reality and at the same time not. That too was very strange.  
Ignoring her doubts (she would discuss them later with the Circle of Khanna), Penny decided to focus on the goal she had failed to achieve for months: putting the necklace back in its place.

  
Penny frantically searched for the box in which the necklace had previously been kept. In her wardrobe, on her desk, at the bottom of her drawers.

  
Nothing.

  
It was only after Penny had cowered on the floor in exhaustion that she noticed it under the bed. She picked it up in a victorious mood and put the necklace back in.

  
"There you are!" she exclaimed, feeling slightly stupid for talking to an inanimate object, but sighing with relief all the same.

  
Then she moved from her dormitory, thinking about the second task she had in that dimension: to go and find more information about the last Cursed Vault. Penny decided, therefore, to go in search of Cora.

  
The Slytherin Common Room was in front of her again, as it had been the first time she had shifted unintentionally. The fireplace lit with crackling flames, the Renaissance frescoes in green undertones, the leather sofas. On the walls, however, she noticed more details. There were notices in frames, printed on parchment.

They were guides for students of age on the various parties to vote for in the Wizarding World of England. One party stood out above the others, because it was more prominently featured and given greater importance: the Death Eaters’ one. A disgusted sound made its way out of her mouth as she felt contempt crinkle her face into a grimace.

  
"Which party do you vote for?" asked Cora, behind her. Penny gasped, her mind still caught up in the fact that in that dimension being a Death Eater was not condemned but rather, had even become a political party to be elected or, worse, be a part of.

"I have no idea..." she thought aloud, trying to get a better look at that sign. The name "Lord Voldemort" was in a very large font (the largest of them all) and underneath a picture of a man with long, frizzy brown hair, eyes with an eerie look - and anyone who looked at them carefully would surely see a dark, evil soul -; light wrinkles around his nose-lip area and forehead, making him look like he was in his forties. He looked insanely young, despite the fact that he was born in 1926, like was written underneath. But wizards aged much more slowly than Muggles, so Penny shouldn't have been so surprised.

_So, Harry Potter didn’t defeat you-know-who in this dimension…_

  
Underneath the obviously animated photo, which showed the other members in more detail, and of which there were two very familiar ones, was a list of that party's characteristic points and resolutions. Penny looked away to stop herself from gagging.

  
"I thought you were going to vote for the Death Eater party," Merula replied, also standing next to her. She had her arms crossed, as always, but there was a genuinely confused expression on her face. Penny's eyes widened; could it be that the other-dimensional self was pro-extermination of non-purebloods? "I mean, there's even our head house!"

  
But before Penny's mind could get lost on the fact that she had kissed, and even had sex (at least in the alternate dimension) with a Death Eater, the former Hufflepuff saw Cora throw a slap on Merula's arm. "Mer, shh, you know what happened between Snape and his father," Cora whispered, but seeing that Penny was looking at her she turned to her and said. "I'm sorry for reminding you."

  
What on earth had happened between Severus and her father? She hoped it was nothing serious, but thinking back to the fact that Snape was an avid Death Eater and her father a Muggleborn didn't bode well. She didn't even care what she herself might have done in that dimension, her father was in danger - or had been - and that was enough to make her stomach go into turmoil. When someone important to her was sick, her own needs no longer existed, Penny was overshadowed by Penny herself, who began to live according to her loved one. It had happened with Beatrice, with Rowan. Not very differently it could have happened with her father.

  
Something serious had happened, she was sure of it. Penny needed to know everything, right away, but Cora and Merula didn't seem to want to talk about it, so she had to ask the person closest to her. At least by blood.

  
"Has anyone seen Beatrice?" she asked, and when she noticed both Cora and Merula looking at her strangely, Penny knew something was wrong.

  
"Who?" they answered her in chorus, genuinely wondering who the witch was talking about.

  
"My sister, Merula knows her too, come on!" exclaimed Penny, slightly exasperated. The ex- hufflepuff was in a hurry to get to Bea's and felt like she was the victim of a bad joke.

  
Cora punctuated the words well, "Penny," she slowly approached her, "you don't have a sister. Nor a brother."

  
"Maybe she needs to be taken to the infirmary," no worried tone was in Merula's words, though.

  
More than a bad joke, it had now become a nightmare. A hypothesis made its way into her mind and ripped her breath away; the world around her seemed to be collapsing, the voices and noises octaved by the steady, ever-faster beating of her heart.

  
_Snape had killed her father in that dimension._

  
She awoke with a start, her ears ringing, producing a sharp, annoying noise, and tears streaking her cheeks and swelling her face.

  
_Not - no -_

  
Her mind could no longer formulate a complete sentence and she was sure that her tongue was not capable of doing so either. Penny inhaled and exhaled, as Tulip had advised, trying to calm herself.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, I'm cruel! Penny had a win in the other chapter and now in this one,,, more angst. Really mean. At least, though, it only happened to her alternate self u.u.  
> Things will get better in the next ones, I promise!
> 
> Anyway, i wanted to ask you something, like, if you want some more interactions with a specific character, some ships, ecc. I will be happy to content you!
> 
> Btw, I created a discord group, for us members of the snapedom, in case you guys feel like talking. There are 4 of us already. Here's the link if you're interested: https://discord.gg/wKQpYjqFBk)


	15. Sir and Haywood

**Chapter 15:** **Sir and Haywood**  
  
In the Room of Requirement, the air had become decidedly tense that morning. After breakfast, The Circle of Khanna had gathered for an emergency announced by Penny, and everyone skipped the first hour of classes. They were going to get in trouble for that but at the moment that was the least of their problems. Sitting in a bluish futon, like everyone else in the group, Penny Haywood had recounted what had happened on her trip to the alternate dimension and had chilled everyone in the room, who had been shocked by what had happened. Almost everyone. Merula didn't say a word, but she didn't seem very shaken by the events.

  
"So our father was killed by Snape and - breathing for Beatrice was becoming more difficult - and...I don't exist?"

  
Cora stroked Beatrice's shoulder, to comfort her; Penny would have liked to do so too, but she didn't know if her gesture would be received well by her sister. Bea was still so terribly rebellious with her at times.

  
"Ew, that Snape, he must be such a monster," Charlie commented acidly. It was painfully obvious how someone who valued nobility of spirit, like that Gryffindor, was unpleasantly affected by what had happened.

  
As if she had received a twinge in her chest, Penny felt hurt. At last, her senses of guilt were making their way through her: she had kissed her father's killer. She loved her father's killer.

  
"So, we can confirm that Snape is a Death Eater. I don't know how useful this iformation is to us, but now we know who to stay away from," Andre observed. "'Well, with those hideous dark robes of his, he couldn't be anything but one of those supremacist arseholes.”

  
Everyone around him nodded, except for Penny who had begun to cry silently again, except for a few sonorous sobs. Her chest was burning and guilt was eating away at her, making her gag.  
Penny felt as if she had woken up in another hell.  
Ever since she had started that school year, everything had been a series of misfortunes. Penny had thought it had all ended when Snape had finally kissed her, but it had quickly turned into a nightmare with the discovery that he might actually be a Death Eater.

  
Skye, who was sitting next to her, hugged her, letting the blonde's head rest on her shoulder. The Quidditch player rubbed her arm, trying to calm her down. "It's going to be okay, Penny," she whispered to her, "I'm sorry you had to find out like this."

  
The others around Penny merely looked at her with pity, which only made her feel worse. Surprisingly, the disinterested looks of Merula and Ismelda were more reassuring.

  
Cedric, good-hearted Hufflepuff, who cared about other people being okay, tried to reassure Penny, "But Dumbledore trusts Professor Snape! If he were a Death Eater, our headmaster wouldn't do that!"

  
"He's also the headmaster in that other dimension, if we're being honest," countered Talbott, who had his arms crossed and his legs crossed. On his face his expression was nothing but extremely serious.

  
"But," Penny spoke weakly, "I still don't know for sure that Dumbledore is Headmaster even in the other dimension. Perhaps, if You-Know-Who has the chance to ascend to the government, Dumbledore ..." she stopped midway with her speech, unable to continue. If Dumbledore, who was acknowledged as the reference point and guide by every student at Hogwarts, was killed as well, it would be too much for her to bear. She snuggled back into Skye's embrace.

  
"But," Tulip interjected, "I'm sorry, really, but what does Professor Snape being a possible Death Eater have to do with the Cursed Vaults? Yes, it means he's possibly dangerous, but then again, he always was. He once threw a cauldron at a friend of mine for talking about Harry Potter."

  
Penny gasped. 

  
"Even so," Tulip continued her speech, "I don't see why we would be interested in him for our research.

  
Cora replied promptly, "Because, although no curse has broken out at Hogwarts and R has not yet attacked, it has a way of acting that resembles the one of the Death Eaters. I dare to assume they are affiliated."

  
Ben Cooper gasped, "But- but You Know Who is dead, he doesn't exist anymore! What reason would the Death Eaters have for still existing if he's gone?"

  
Chiara Lobosca nodded, "Besides, most of the Death Eaters are in Azkaban," she said, but Talbott contradicted her, "No, there are a few repeat offenders still around," he shuddered. Still that damned fear of registering in the Ministry.

  


"Do you truely believe that he is dead? I think he'll come back sooner or later. Or at least try to. For the moment, you have to be careful of anyone who might be a possible affiliate of those groups." Cora looked at her fiancée and Merula's violet eyes gave the air of someone who knew more than anyone in that room, but she said nothing, her lips remained sealed.  
Penny was ready to ask Cora to speak privately, to better understand what was going on, but something interrupted her. 

  
Two owls flew through the open window of the Room of Requirement, flying quite hastily and both gliding close to Penny. Both were carrying a letter each, both addressed to the Hufflepuff reality shifter. The other members of The Circle of Khanna were amazed at the amount of letters she received in a single minute, and were curious as to who might have ever invied them.  
Penny decided to take one letter first, which was handed to her by the first owl. Its plumage was cream-coloured and it looked very peaceful. Taken the letter, the owl left.

  
Penny read the sender's name, "Albus Dumbledore" aloud and then continued reading the entire letter.

  
_"Dear Penny Haywood,  
before dinnertime, I would like to kindly discuss with you in my office some particular things that are happening to you and to Hogwarts in particular. It is of the utmost importance, I imagine you know.  
Kind regards,  
Albus Dumbledore  
PS: I like lemon sorbets."_

  
Some people found themselves giggling at the final part, but Cora, who had remained serious all along, commented, "He's probably figured out that we're looking for the Cursed Vault, and he'll want to discuss it with you." Talbott nodded in assent, and replied, "It's odd that he hasn't written directly to you, Cora, though."

  
"That's true. He probably wants to talk to the one who can travel across dimensions, and convince him to stop."

  
"But how does he know that?"

  
"Who knows."

  
Skye next to Penny said to her, "Whatever he assumes, you deny everything!"

  
The Hufflepuff gasped. She was tired, of secrets and lies, and she was sure that sooner or later she wouldn't be able to contain anything else and everything would explode, unleashing chaos.

  
She sighed and picked up the second letter, which had been handed to her by the second owl. It had a black plumage and seemed to be much less friendly than Dumbledore's owl. In fact, it pinched her, as a protest for taking so long. From that, Penny recognised the animal. "Oh, hello, Stormy!" she greeted it, taking the letter. Stormy pinched her again, then left as well. The writing made Skye exclaim an "Ouch".

  
"Who sent it to you?" asked an intrigued Charlie.

  
"Professor Severus Snape."

  
The atmosphere chilled in the room. Everyone looked at the Hufflepuff as if she had just received a death sentence. With extreme care, meanwhile, Penny opened the envelope, trying not to spoil it. She read aloud, "Meet me in the Potions class before lunch. Don't be late."

  
Merula squinted her eyes and asked, "That's it? Really?"

  
Penny, too, was disappointed by the terse nature of the letter. Severus could have written more, given the recent things that had happened between the two of them.

  
Tonks, who had meanwhile moved closer to read the letter better, snatched it out of Penny's hand and exclaimed. "But, guys, it could be read like this - remembering Penny's crush on him, Tonks began to read in a flirty tone - "Meet me in the Potions class before lunch. Don't be late."

  
Her Snape impression elicited both disgust and general hilarity. Most people didn't know about the Hufflepuff crush, which was good. It would have made the whole thing more difficult. Penny's face blushed in embarrassment, but she forced herself to laugh along with the rest of the group.

  
Tonks, encouraged by this, continued with her imitation and approached her housemate. "Penny, my wand..."

  
"God, Tonks!" exclaimed Penny, bordering on embarrassment, playfully pushing the girl away from herself. "If you want to make a joke about wood, please - "

  
The pink-haired girl laughed loudly, extremely amused by her friend's reaction, while still staggering from Penny's push, who, as if infected by the general merriment, finally laughed sincerely herself, thinking that maybe at least that wasn't going to be a totally disastrous day.

  
///

  
Penny's first encounter was with Snape. And while she had previously considered being in an intimate relationship (sentimental? Or was it just physical?) as something wonderful, right now it made her feel tense, awkward, and her latest trip to the other dimension didn't help at all. As she closed the door behind her, she saw Snape turn from the Potions shelf he was checking, to look at her.  
  
"Hello," she greeted him weakly, informally. The only sign of annoyance he got from Snape was a crooked look. Penny tried to make up for it and added 'sir'.

  
Severus greeted her with a nod, "Haywood."

  
They weren't using names yet, because to do so was to make that relationship official, to admit out loud that they weren't just student and teacher going against the rules of morality and the institute, but that there was also a romantic involvement between them. Penny was very sure that she loved him very much, that she had great affection for him, but Snape, his reaction, scared her a little and she didn't want to take any chances. Severus, on the other hand, couldn't say that he was sure of his feelings for her, and that Penny was sincere when she said she loved him.

  
"I heard you skipped first period," he observed, looking down at her. "Not a brilliant move, considering you have exams this year." His tone of voice was annoyed, and Penny if she were any other person would have rolled her eyes, but this was her and she couldn't stop the smile that formed on her lips. In a way that was all his own, Snape was caring, and having someone to look after her, when the witch often felt she had to look after everyone else, leaving little time for herself, was really relaxing, and made her chest warm with a new emotion. "I won't do it again, I promise," she said sincerely. "Today was a special case, it was urgent."

  
After all, she thought better of it, looking at him, who still occasionally went to sort out a few jars of ingredients, the Severus Snape of her dimension was not a Death Eater; there wasn't enough evidence, so at least she believed, and he especially wasn't her father's killer. The girl could finally shake off the sense of anguish that had been making her tense.

  
After all, Penny had no reason to worry. She was safe.

  
"The Circle of Khanna meeting," said Snape, and it wasn't a question, but an accusation, along the lines of: _you wasted your time there, it's no good._

  
Penny, more than the scolding, wondered how Snape knew this. She remembered being discreet after the breakfast table. Or had she not been? Of course, Penny didn't know that Severus was currently keeping an eye on a bespectacled little boy who tended to get into trouble far too often already, and that in the process the Slytherin hadn't missed the detail of Penny, Talbott and Charlie entering the Room of Requirement together.

  
"There's no curse at Hogwarts yet," he resumed, slowly. The Hufflepuff had heard it so many times now that it sounded like something that _had_ to be said; she would ask Cora for an explanation the next morning. It seemed to Penny that some truth kept escaping her.

  
"I know," Penny answered him, approaching the work table and placing on a chair her folder in which contained her textbooks. Then she leaned her back against the edge of the table. There was a certain phlegm and weariness to her movements. The last hour had had Professor Quirell in a Defense Against the Dark Arts class and the exercise where she had to duel with Tonks had been really tiring. "But Cora wants to be forward-thinking, so any encounters must take place immediately," she said, her voice strained from the effort of sitting on the table.

  
"An ungenius idea from someone not at all brilliant," was Snape's sardonic comment.

  
"Well, Cora's not that stupid," Penny assumed a cross expression. Her cheeks reddened and her bottom lip became prominent. In Snape's eyes, she still looked a bit like a spoiled brat, but he gave her the benefit of the fact that she looked attractive too.

  
"Right, Mr. Lee is even worse," he leaned even closer to her, not holding back a slight grin. "But in terms of dangerousness, Miss Sanders has the record. How many times have you gotten into trouble because of her, huh?"

  
"Is that your way of showing you care about your students?" she chuckled.

  
" _How you like it_ ," he huffed. "And, I was saying, there's no curse going on, ergo, no real reason to go looking for the Cursed Vault."

  
Penny didn't know whether to tell him that she, her newfound powers, were the main reason the search had begun again. He hadn't asked her to, though.

  
Their discussion ended and Penny, observing the strange, awkward silence that had developed, realized at that moment Snape had not called her for any specific task. Not even to complete the Bubble Cure potion. It had been a random call from him. Had Snape done it just for the pleasure of seeing her? To be in her company? Penny couldn't help but smile.

  
"And by the way," Penny increased her tone of voice, to get his attention, inviting him to come closer. Her tone returned to normal “I don't have any problem with getting myself in trouble, sir”.

  


Snape moved closer to her until their legs brushed, albeit slowly.

  


"I have no doubt, Haywood," he whispered. The girl closed the closeness between them, leaning in for a kiss. Sverus returned it, slightly reluctantly. His breath smelled of fresh mint, his lips stained with tea. She remembered how, in one of her first chats with the Potions Master, she had discovered how selective he was about his tea. For Christmas that year, she had specially given him a set of his favourite flavour, Intense Premium Tea, as well as other tropical fruit teas, so he could try something new as well as the usual.

  


Initially, what they did was exchange small kisses, a wet sound coming out of their mouths each time. Penny had taken Severus' hands and inserted her own fingers between the man's. Their exchanging kisses lasted until Penny let a wide, tremendously happy smile escape across her face. Their noses continued to touch. Snape's mouth corners rippled slightly upwards, his gaze down at her lips. Until something seemed to bother him, changing his expression slightly.

  


"My wand-" he heard him whisper, and Penny parted her lips, the whole thing looking awfully similar to the skit Tonks had done many hours before. "Oh dear," she murmured. Snape stepped back slightly, pulling the wand - the real one, made of hawthorn - from his right pocket. Somehow, it had gotten between his leg and the edge of the table, hurting him. He leaned it away as he returned his focus to Penny

Oh, _right_ , it hurt him to keep her there. Penny shouldn't have been surprised, but she didn't know how to make the sensation of burning skin behind her ears disappear. And she, who, for a moment, had even deluded herself into thinking she'd turned him on....

  


Penny had never wondered if she might actually be attractive, desirable. For the witch, physical appearance had never been a big problem, because from the beginning she had understood that she was not just a body, or a pretty face, so it had always taken a back seat. That was the first time she had wondered, in no uncertain terms, if she was fuckable. Penny didn't know. Her greatest desire, at that moment, was to want to drive Snape mad with lust.

  


"Sir..." she breathed into his neck, purring.

  


She rested one hand on his chest, which felt thick and a little soft under the wool. Her other hand, along with her arm, was placed behind his neck and shoulders. At first she kissed the area between his neck and cheekbone, which gave her a murmured "Haywood", followed by a sound that came from deep in her throat; natural and uncontrolled. Tempted by this, she went up to play with the lobe of her ear. Snape, meanwhile, abruptly pulled her closer to him, to her amazement and delight, and began to search for her lips, and when he found them, he was sure not to let them slip away. It had been a heavy morning: six hours spent explaining the fascinating art of Potions to blockheads, including James Potter's annoying offspring. Apparently, this subject was only for a few; not that he minded entirely. He also liked, perhaps, the sense of camaraderie that the subject gave him.

  


Penny was good at Potions, too, he remembered. She was the best in that year's classes \- but publicly he would have said otherwise, praising Merula. Nothing against Haywood, he simply had to favour his own house. Yet those eulogies were not believed by anyone except Merula herself, overwhelmed by her ego. But even she didn't have Haywood's mastery. Penny, so fascinated by Potions, so passionate and skilled. It had come spontaneous, almost naturally, to teach her Alchemy. For years he had concealed a pride in the only house that had ever really been his family - full of misconceptions, but in a way it had embraced him.

  


But even Hufflepuff, now, didn't seem so terrible to him. Or was it just Penny?

  


_Five points to_ _Hufflepuff_ _,_ he thought, while she shyly tried to kiss him with her tongue.

  


The Hufflepuff was trying to figure out if it was the kiss, or Snape's hand that had moved and was almost below her skirt at that moment, or maybe both that gave off an electric shock of arousal down Penny's spine that went from her back to lower parts of her body. If Penny couldn't say for sure whether Severus was aroused or not, the witch at least was very sure of one thing: she was. She couldn't hold back a groan, which seemed to make the Potions master want to try harder. Penny tried to push back further, dragging him too, who had been leaning against her body the whole time.

  


With both hands Penny circled his face as she continued to kiss him. The skin of Sverus’ cheeks was rough, one could feel the rest of the beard that had not been shaved completely that morning. With her legs meanwhile she was trying to imprison his and at the same time remove her shoes. With the tip of his left foot the witch simply pushed the part of the shoe that covered the heel of her right foot.

  


As the first shoe fell off, the noise seemed to awaken Snape, who parted his own lips from Penny's, and yanked her hands away from him, gripping her by the wrists, and positioning her arms at either side of his head so that the Hufflepuff could not move.

  


Penny felt completely at his mercy and bit her lip, because despite everything, this turned her on. She breathed noisily, her cheeks red, on fire. Snape's were barely pinkish. The level of redness was actually the same for both of them, but the man was noticeably paler. Penny couldn't help but clench her thighs together, as if suddenly ashamed of her wet sex.

  


They both couldn't take their eyes off each other, as if inevitably attracted and forced to be close. But Snape had had reservations, as if he was having second thoughts.

  


"Sir...'”she moaned, slightly frustrated. Why was he having second thoughts? Was she not attractive enough for him? Penny tried to rest her now shoeless foot on the table, as if it would act as a barrier to her. Severus was hurting and disappointing her, she wanted him to stay away for a little. But in the process she brushed against Snape's leg and he leaned close to her face, breathing softly, "Haywood, think," he gave her one last kiss on the lips, "not now," his tone becoming stern again.

  


He released her wrists, and pulled away from her completely. Rising to an upright position, he adjusted the clothes that had creased in the process.

  


Penny felt a knot in her throat and swallowed quickly. The grip of disappointment was evident in her, that feeling had dominated her face, crinkling it into an expression of disappointment. She stood up with her torso as well, but remaining seated, feeling her own back ache. The wood of the table was definitely uncomfortable. Penny, thinking about it a little, accepted Snape's decision slightly better. She didn't want her first time to be in a laboratory. She wanted it to be special.

  


"'You may be right, sir,” she said softly. She would think about it another time, to get him excited. Now was not the time. "It's not worth it, not here."

  


A memory suddenly flashed through her mind. She was certain that, on one occasion when she had shifted into the alternate reality, the other Snape had not backed down and gone through with it. Of course, that Snape was a definite Death Eater....

  


It was only then that she realised that the Other self had had sex with a Death Eater, the murderer of her Other father. What on earth was wrong with her? She blanched. What if the alternate dimension’s Penny had no interest in Snape and so the current Penny had forced her Other self to have relations with someone she hated? And of course the Snape of that dimension was amoral enough to have no qualms about having sex with the daughter of the man he had murdered. God, it was all a mess...

  


Penny took her face in her hands, huffing, and looked down: she noticed some old, fake leather shoes. Snape was still there.

  


The question that her Snape might also be a Death Eater filled her mind, and the idea of having made out with such a person for half an hour gave her a strange feeling in her stomach that she had never felt before. Penny also felt the need to find out the truth, but she couldn't ask him directly.

  


Maybe if she took it slow, Snape would reveal a little piece of himself. She just had to talk to him. She looked up, meeting his face.

  


"You know," she had begun casually, her legs still dangling over the lab table, "if I had any secrets I think I would tell you, sir. I feel blind faith in you." Snape looked away, but Penny continued anyway. "Would you feel like doing the same to me?" She was cautious, for she knew Severus' trust would be hard won. He always made her struggle, to get even a crumb, but the result seemed to be truly worth the effort.

"Why the talk all of a sudden?" he asked defensively, stepping closer, his eyebrow raised.

  


"Just...thinking about it, that's all. No big deal."

  


"Maybe some things are better left unsaid, Haywood," Severus breathed into her ear, his voice thin.

  


Penny looked at him confused, wondering if they were talking about the same thing, or he had more to hide. The answer, she was sure, had not pleased her.

  


"Anyway, you have an important meeting with Professor Dumbledore before dinner," Severus reminded her, and Penny became even more confused.

  


"H-how do you know, sir?" she gasped.

  


"I have to accompany you, of course."

  


And it seemed to Penny in that instant that she understood why Snape had ever stopped.

  


///

  


Severus after saying the password, watched casually as the statue moved, while both he and Penny let themselves be carried upstairs. He didn't look at her, and although he kind of wanted to whine because she felt ignored, he understood why she was doing it. Dumbledore had probably called them both because he had found out about the two of them. Or had Snape himself, told her? Penny looked at his profile: no, he didn't seem like the type.

  


Besides, Penny had finally realized why Snape hadn't wanted to have sex with her. If he was subject to accusations, they would prove unfounded or unbelievable, since there had been no carnal intercourse yet. Clever. Now that was definitely Snape.

  


Anxiety made her heartbeat extremely loud; Penny wondered how Severus could not hear it; indeed, she wondered why Snape always remained so impassive.

  


In the area of the paintings, Penny couldn't help but feel judged. Even though those weren't real people, just animated paintings, the fact that they had started whispering to each other when they saw Penny and Severus together didn't help the girl's already negative mood. She felt an uncomfortable knot in her throat, which she sent away by swallowing hard.

Penny needed reassurance and if she wanted comfort from him, she had to get it. The witch made it seem accidental that her back had collided with his chest. "Excuse me," she murmured. He merely growled.

  


Dumbledore meanwhile had gotten up from his desk and walked over to the picture area. "Good evening," he greeted them cordially.

  


Penny repeated the greeting, Severus just nodded his head.

  


"Now, I would like to have a private interview with Miss Haywood. You may go, Severus," Dumbledore said in a cautious tone. Penny would have liked to envy the freedom with which the headmaster called her professor by his own name and that was all, but the only thing filling her mind was the fear that her fledgling relationship with Snape would be discovered and consequently suppressed.

  


Albus continued, turning to the Potions teacher. "You and I will discuss this for a moment when Miss Haywood has left." Snape nodded, cast one last glance at the girl and left. Penny followed him with her gaze until he became a blurry shadow, feeling suddenly abandoned.

  


Dumbledore invited her to follow him to the main area of his office. Penny looked in wonder at the phoenix, Fanny. She had seen very few in her life. Perhaps she had only seen this one. Her attention was caught again by the headmaster when he transfigured his desk into a round table, with a pastel pink and green embroidered placemat on top.

  


Albus sat down in a chair and invited the Hufflepuff to do the same. Penny looked at him confused, but sat down anyway, in the chair on the opposite side.

  


"I imagine that after all the punishments you have and are still serving, a typical sitting in front of a headmaster's desk might stress you out even more, and the teachers have explained to me how hard you're trying to get yourself together."

  


Dumbledore called Poppy, a house elf that Penny had never seen, and he sent her to fetch them some tea and biscuits. She returned shortly afterwards with everything that had been requested. A blink of an eye, and Penny found no trace of the elf anywhere.

  


"Thank you very much, Headmaster. And, uh, I'm sorry I didn't bring any lemon sorbet..." she shifted uncomfortably in her seat, watching the cup in front of her get filled thanks to a non-verbal spell. Dumbledore gestured to her with a hand gesture, for saying that it was a minor matter. "Still, I imagine it's complicated for you this year because of ... _'The Cursed Vault' thing_... and Harry Potter, I mean...yeah." Penny didn't know why she had decided she wanted to be so friendly with the headmaster, but the huffelpuff knew for a fact that it came out wrong. It seemed to her as if her tongue couldn't help but get stuck, producing an awkward result. It wasn't like her, in fact she liked to call herself very outgoing and skilled with words.

  


"Yes, it's complicated, but complicated doesn't necessarily mean impossible," He explained, with that friendly air that always gave that sense of calm. "Sugar?" he offered her.

  


Penny nodded, "One spoonful, please."

  


Dumbledore smiled slyly, then continued, "Despite your best efforts, it has been noted by your teachers that you missed first period today," he sipped his tea, then placed the cup on the saucer in his hand, "with The Circle of Khanna."

  


"Oh, you know it," she gasped, dripping the tea she had been sipping.

  


Definitely embarrassing.

  


"It's the duty of every Hogwarts headmaster to know everything, my dear," he smiled good-naturedly at her, handing her a handkerchief to wipe herself.

  


"Shifting reality, right?" he asked and Penny nodded, "such a rare power," the elderly wizard seemed to comment to himself.

  


"Yeah," Penny found herself agreeing.

  


"I imagine you know, my dear girl, how little this kind of power is known, so much as unknown. Travel into the dimensions is ill advised, you could be left living your other life forever, and I don't think you want that. Above all, it's best not to take any fun souvenirs out of these dimensions." Penny wondered how the headmaster even knew about the necklace thing and that she was living as the alternate Penny. But after all, he had said it: the headmaster of Hogwarts always knew everything.

  


"I'm reminding you because your travels from dimension to dimension could have negative and unexpected outcomes."

  


"But maybe...also positive?"

  


Dumbledore laughed good-naturedly. "I appreciate your always being positive, and I would never ask you to stop being that way. Positivity should always be bound with a little caution; caution is always useful."

  


Penny nodded, silently, inviting him to go on. In fact, it was more like she was taking from his words, as if he was leading the whole thing, and she just needed to listen.

  


"I wish I had the chance to talk more about this, but there is no time, I don't want to take away from the dinner, and besides I think the presence of your parents is necessary, to also decide how to plan the future. That's why I invited them. I called you today especially to warn you about this."

  


Penny was genuinely surprised. "They're coming here? Really?" She couldn't believe it, it sounded so unrealistic. Her parents were so busy with their careers, their meetings with colleagues, their business, that they hardly had little time to devote to Penny and Beatrice. Spending more time with them seemed like a dream.

  


Dumbledore nodded, "The day after tomorrow, they've already confirmed."

  


"That's wonderful! But... is my father coming too?"

  


"Obviosly."

  


"But - Penny gasped - he's not a wizard..." Were Muggles allowed into Hogwarts? If she remembered correctly, it wasn't just against the rules of the institution, but of the Wizarding World itself. Violating a rule like that was like wanting to throw an affront at the Ministry. "I thought it was a violation of the rules," she pronounced, not entirely convinced of how right her own headmaster's decision was.

  


"What's the point of being Headmaster of Hogwarts, if you can't even make a break with the rules?" Dumbledore chuckled and Penny sketched an unassertive smile.

  


"So that's it for today?" she then asked.

  


"For now, it looks like it is."

  


Penny, after taking a sip of her tea, looked at the headmaster and, plucking up her courage, asked, "Professor Snape," she began, "has been acting very evasive lately. Do you know if anything is happening to him? I am very worried."

  


"Dearest, it's funny you should ask. Lately, you seem to be one of the few who knows him best," he smiled warmly at her, giving her a sly look through his half-moon glasses.

  


Penny returned to looking weakly at the no longer steaming tea in her cup, blushing slightly. That he knew about her affair with Snape? After all, as she had said earlier, the headmaster knows everything about Hogwarts, so perhaps, who knows?

  


An answer was given to her with a question. "And how are the punishments going with the Professor, my dear?" Penny made to answer, but Dumbledore continued. "I guess they aren't very harsh, because, just between us, I know he has a soft spot for you. You must be quite a great promise in the Potions world, then."

  


Feeling flustered, Penny replied, "The punishments are...within the norm. He is strict, I do h...punishment, yes. All normal." She sipped nervously at her tea.

  


"That's good to hear."

  


Penny meanwhile, didn't pay too much attention to him as she felt her chest heat up, and she couldn't tell if it was from the tea being hot or from hearing that Snape had a soft spot for her. Nevertheless, a genuine smile painted her face.  
  



End file.
